I am in a Madonna mood. I have been blasting both of Madonna's greatest hits CD's in my car for the past couple of days. I love Madonna right now!

I found a place to live! I'll be staying in a house on Kelowna's Westside, right up the hill from Quail's Gate Estate Winery which is my favourite winery. In fact my new back yard is a vineyard! How exciting. A house with a vineyard overlooking the lake as a backyard I'm very happy. The people that I am moving in with are likely around their 40's and are both in school. I think that for the small amount of time that I'll be living there it's gonna work out really well. Oh did I mention that it's cheap...

I just got back from my friend Lisa's. I called Janet to see if she wanted to come over and share a bottle of Sumac Ridge Gwertstraminer with me, that I had just bought, and she said she was going over to Lisa's but that I should come. I went and we had a lovely time. Lisa and her boyfriend Tim (thanks E) make the most amazing food. So anyways I am home now but a little buzzed off the wine.

Tomorrow I am going to an Executive meeting for work. All of the Executives are going to be out of the store for training on how to coach properly. It should be an interesting situation, I hope the meeting isn't too boring.

Mood: Reasonably Content
Music: Best of Sade

Wow I got another comment! How exciting someone is actually reading my rants and raves. Hope you enjoy them.

I'm watching the leadership debate right now. You'll hear from me soon.

Feeling rather discouraged right now. Actually its a mixture of discouragement and anger at my own stupidity. For work we have to do a whole bunch of stupid on-line courses that mostly bore and infuriate me. There is one course thought that I have done twice and have not been able to pass. I was convinced it was because it was actually tough but I just talked to Pam and she told me that she had just finished it and got 88% and that she hadn't even paid attention to it. Damn! Makes me so mad. Feel like I'm in school again and everyone is getting better grades than I am only this time I'm actually working at trying to do well.

"Anyone in the room feel like a failure tonight?" (Cut to me waving hand frantically)

Oh the plus side I GOT CHER TICKETS!

Well tomorrow's my day off and I'm going to go and look at a place. It's kind of funny actually how strange the lady that runs the property management company sounds. I originally called her about a place that they had listed that she informed me was already taken. I asked her if she had anything else available and she proceeded to ask me:

How old I was... had I just turned 24 or was I a mature 24?
If I had a job.
If I expected to have overnight guests.
If I could afford to pay the damage deposit and rent.
How long I was planning on staying for.

I seem to have answered all of her questions to her satisfaction because she told me to call back when I could see the place.

So I called her this morning and she agreed to meet me tomorrow at the downtown Safeway by the Coke machine!? When I asked her where the place was she would not tell me aside from a very general location which happens to be two blocks from my current residence, which makes me happy as I love my location. I suspect the whole reason for this woman's weirdness and her request to meet in a highly visible downtown location is because she will pull up in her car see me standing there and then decide if I am worthy of renting an apartment from her. If I am not deemed worthy I am positive she will not show up. Of course she'll meet with me but I'm sure this is her little security measures. Kinda like meeting people from the internet...

Mood: See above
Music: Sarah McLaughlin - Surfacing

Good news and bad news this morning. I GOT CHER TICKETS! The concert sold out in 5 minutes but I managed to get 8 tickets. I can't even describe how big my smile is right now! So on to the bad news. I just talked to the Residential Tenancy Office and because asshole lives here on weekends they have no jurisdiction. Damn, damn double damn. Oh well.

Well I have to go find something to eat and then it's off to work.

Well I'm moving out. Room mate sold the place and didn't feel that it was important to consider me the tenant in the sale. Because of the shitty way that he has treated me throughout this whole thing I'm going to the Residential Tenancy Office and I'm going to see how much I can possibly get out of him for this. The fact that I only have two weeks to find a new place etc means that I'm not to happy.

Other than that fury inducing situation he also had a party here last night. I was assured that it would be over by 12 because I had to work this morning. Needless to say it wasn't. I have finally figured this guy out though. If it doesn't go his way it's not going to. Which explains the ridiculousness of his relationships. I hope he has fun in the personal financial industry. I know I'm going to be extremely vocal about his character to anyone that I know in the Vernon area where he works!

I went to a lady from works house after work today to check out a suite she has in her basement. It's a HUGE studio that is completely new and only ten mins from work. The only issues I have with it are that it is in Westbank which is just far enough away from Kelowna that hanging out with friends could be a pain, cable isn't included because they don't have it in the house, and it's $600 a month which I just think is a little high. It's a good fall back though if nothing else comes up soon.

Now I'm tired. I have to make sure that I get up before 10 tomorrow in order to get tickets for Cher!

Looks like I'm going to go the Cher with my parents! Go figure.

I'm sitting here watching President Regeans Funeral on television. I have to admit that its been an incredibly impressive and moving ceremony. The level of American pomp and pagentry actually felt just about right. Surprisingly one of the most quoted speeches of the morning was Brian Mulrony's tribute speech. Not remembering much of it the giest of it was that Canada felt privileged to have been a close neighbour of President Regeans.

What to write about... Well today I went for coffee with my friend Lisa before work. Total spur of the moment thing but very nice none-the-less. Other than that I worked. Dull day.

Today was a good day. I got my apartment cleaned and OH MY GOD CHER IS COMING TO KELOWNA!!!!! I'm SO EXCITED! Yes I'm going to get tickets. If I have to go on my own I'm going to. So far I think my friend Peter may come and I have to talk to my sister to see if she wants to come. So anyways back to my day.

Spent time this afternoon with Janet. Ate our way through Kelowna then went home. I then worked on a course for work (yes on my day off) and now I'm going to bed. Good night!

I have a new friend. Pam the girl that I work with and I get along just famously. Since she knew that I have been really excited about seeing the new Harry Potter movie she asked me if I'd like to go along with her and her sister tonight. This is how I ended up in the theater, myself and four East Indian girls! Go figure. Anyways the movie was ok but I was disappointed at all of the detail missed from the books.

Now an update on my new job. So far I can liken it to trying to take a drink from a fire hose. The amount of information that we are expected to go over and through is just INSANE! As my previous post indicated I have been feeling totally overwhelmed. I'm expecting this feeling to start to fade soon though as it is only the second day and I'm still getting used to it. Thankfully tomorrow is my day off but I am planning on doing a fair bit of work just to keep up and get things done. So much for never going back to school! The only difference, and it's a merciful one at that, is that this time I'm getting paid to be there and do this stuff.

Tomorrow Janet and I are going to do something together. We're not sure what but we really haven't spent any time together lately. Saturday night really doesn't count. Oh did I mention, it seems that I have a new drunken alias. Saturday night I was introducing myself as Andrew the whole time at the bar... Weird. I don't have any idea where this came from at all. So tomorrow Janet and I are going to do our best to do something interesting together.

The rest of this week looks just about as interesting as the first two days of this one have been. Unfortunately that means that I likely won't have a huge amount to write about for the next little while. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about the Federal Leadership debate that I'm planning on watching... Yes maybe... I think it's interesting that Stephen Harper's Conservative Party is now leading in the Polls in Ontario and the panelists are getting excited as hell that he could end up being our next PM. I'm not sure I'd go that far but I do think that poor Paul Martin doesn't have a shot at another Majority Government. Maybe that's a good thing... Maybe! What they HELL am I saying?!

OVERWHELMED!

Whoa do I feel crappy. Needless to say last night I went out with Janet and Jesse last night. Didn't eat enough and definitely drank to much. Stupidly we were mixing Vodka with Coke and because I don't drink caffeine anymore the frigging Coke kept me awake until 4am. Not a pleasant experience... drunk and can't sleep. So this morning I was awakened by Jesse opening my bedroom door. Apparently she didn't know that I left last night and went home so she was panicking because I had 'disappeared'. She called my phone a number of times this morning and when I didn't answer decided that she'd better come over to make sure that I was fine. I was touched but a little confused. Where the hell did she think I would go?

Moving on. Tomorrow is my first day at my new store. I'm really actually very excited about it and am looking forward to meeting all of the staff. I hope that things go well. I'm very happy that I'll be working with another trainee for the next couple of months. I'm going to call her Pam. She's East Indian and is just awesome. We get along really well together and I feel very fortunate that we are the only two trainee's in Canada to be working in the same store. It'll help a lot.

Mood: Anticipatory
Music: None

Well I'm back in K-town. This last week I was in Vancouver fora week of training at the company's regional head office. To be honest the training seemed a little pointless. I learned how to give a presentation, which I've been doing none stop for the past six years of school. I'm actually really looking forward to getting into the store on Monday and actually being able to do some work.

I'm really tired right now though so that's the end of this post for now.

Good Night.

Just got home from the bar. Graduated today with my Bachelor of Business Admin. Yay! Finally over. I'm heading to Vancouver for a week of training with my company tomorrow so I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to write until next week. Have a good week everyone!

Just thought I would share this link with everyone. http://tjsplace.blogspot.com I am totally addicted to this blog. I check to see if it's been updated at least once a day. The subject matter is facinating, the writer is a modern day Dickens, it's just all around awesome.

Sitting here listening to Holly Cole. Just got back from coffee with a friend. Processing a lot of thoughts right now.

Ended up spending the day in Vernon again today. Totally wasn't planned but that's the way it ended up. Seems that I left my phone in my Dad's car last night. Total 'D'oh' moment. So I had to drive to Vernon to get the friggin phone. Turned out ok though because I also had to pick up a suitcase for my trip next week. As I was in Vernon anyway I had lunch with my Mother and we actually had a nice time. She seems to be much calmer lately.

I got yet another wedding invitation today. I knew this one was coming but standing there holding onto the invitation I felt rather despondent. Of course the invitation was for me and guest. Don't know what I'm going to do about that. My Sister may come with me because the wedding is in Wetaskawin and I also have another to go to in Edmonton the day after. We'll see, maybe I'll just hire an escort! Wow that would be fun. The looks would almost make it worth while.

I'm not sure that I am enjoying this phase of my life. What's with all the friggin weddings?

I have been thinking about faith again lately. I have decided that the tenents of the Christian faith actually do make sense to me. It's still the church that just screws with me. Can't think of anything more to write.

Mood: Lonely
Music: Holly Cole - Temptations

Hmmm, what to write. Well I just got back from a day trip to Vancouver. Had lunch with Marcie and a really good visit. Of course she made a huge deal out of how thin I am now. Public Service Announcement - I AM NOT AN ANOREXIC! No matter what my Sister tells you! So after lunch went to the hospital to pick Dad back up and found out that he had to stay and get another blood test, but he had to eat first. So we went to Earls and had a light snack. He had the blood drawn and we started on the way home.

I found out today that I can sing all of the words to a disturbing amount of Cher songs. Dad had The Greatest Hits in the car and I put one of the CD's in. Of the first seven songs I sang word for word all but two. At the top of my lungs of course. Dad LOVED it! Such fun. We stopped at Boston Pizza's for supper where I drank six glasses of water. I had to pee by the time we hit Hope. Dad was irritated. I told him that he should be used to this after traveling with Mom for so many years.

Now I'm tired and going to bed. Nothing really to accomplish tomorrow.

Oh, this weekend looks to have all the makings of a very fun weekend. Marcie and Frank are coming down from Vancouver and I grad on Saturday. Then about 40 of us are going out for dinner. After that I believe we will be clubbing. I was going to be going on a wine tour down to Oliver on Friday but one of the guys that was coming with found out that he had to work so I don't know if it's going to happen or not. :( We'll see.

I believe that I'm on the verge of crashing. I am going to get a refill on my prescriptions.

Tomorrow I leave for Van with my Dad. He has an appointment at VGH to run some follow-up tests, from when he was sick last year, and asked if I wanted to go with him. Seeing as I have nothing better to do and saw an opportunity to have lunch with my amazing friend Marcie I jumped at the chance. Leaving at 7 tomorrow morning ugh!

Grrrrr!

OH MY GOD! I just found a link to what is sure to be one of the most controversial movies in Christian circles in years! Check it out and start the prayer chain!

http://www.savedmovie.com/

What do you do when your stuck at a party that you don't really want to be at? How do you start a conversation with people that you don't know? How do you find the commonalities and find things that are mutually interesting to talk about? Why are some social gatherings so difficult to have fun at?

Usually when I'm at a party that I don't want to be at I leave. I was just at such a party and I was the first to leave. This party was just dull. Unfortunately as soon as everyone got there they all broke off into their usual little groups and proceeded to chat with each other. I resisted the urge to do this and tried to chat with a few different people before I went over and joined my group. I find that at many gatherings of Christians I don't know what to do with myself. Everyone is sitting around talking about nothing... of course I'm not delusional enough to think that non-Christians don't do this as well but why do Christians seem to do nothing so well. It's interesting because they aren't even enjoying themselves most of the time. You can see it on their faces.

I think that one of the hardest things about these gatherings is definitely trying to find the commonality to chat about. I consider myself well read and knowledgeable about things going on in the world but trying to find others that are seems to be an increasingly difficult chore. Most conversations tend to start with either myself or someone asking me "so what do you do?" Of course I know they don't care what I do and what the hell am I supposed to say when they tell me that they are a 28 year old out of work teacher that lives at home with their parents. Commonalities... I'm sure they're there but that really kills a conversation. So where do your parents live? You must save a lot of money living with your parents! I love your jeans! I don't know what to say to these people. Ahhhh the anguish of hanging out with people my own age.

As for why some social gatherings are so tough to have fun at... That's easy. Most people (myself included) are very insecure and don't want to show themselves for who they really are, lest they are rejected. Until they learn to drop their walls or at least develop an interesting alter-ego they are not going to have much fun in these social situations. If anyone has any suggestions as to which alter-ego I should adopt please feel free to let me know!

Oh just an update on the weather. It clouded over a few hours before the BBQ and started to rain. Maybe it was an omen.

In reality I am grateful that I was invited in the first place. I just wish it would have been more interesting.

Mood: despairing
Music: None

Last night was nice. After church a few friends came over and we watched an old Val Kilmer movie 'Top Spot'. The show was incredibly rediculous but funny all the same. I was so tired that by 11:30 I was willing them to all go home and happily they did by 12. I collapsed in bed and was woken up at 3 by my room mate and his extremely inebriated Aunt. They happily yelled at each other for a little while before going to bed themselves. Then at 8:30 this morning I was awakened again by the Aunt who was still totally gooned (room mates words, not mine) before she left for her house. I fell back asleep and didn't wake until 12:15.

Of course upon waking I turned on my phone and there was a message from work. Wanted to know if I would come in and work in the shoe department for a couple of hours. Regretfully had to turn that one down.

The weather today is back to it's incredible nature of a few days ago. After the past three days of solid rain I'm happy to see sunny and blue. I've been invited to a 70's themed BBQ for tonight. Don't know what they hell I'm going to find that's from the 70's but we'll see.

Just got home from work. It was a really busy day but I unfortunately I don't have any stories to tell. Not a thing interesting happened.

Past couple of days have been interesting. I met with the manager of my next store yesterday. It went very well and I'm looking forward to working with him.

Oh I count myself an official Kelowna person now. Yesterday I caught myself complaining about the bridge. It took me about 40 mins to get from Downtown to the Westside yesterday. Coming back took almost 50 mins. So much fun. How exciting that the Provincial Government is going to build us a new bride soon.

Oh it was brought to my attention that only registered users were able to comment on posts. I have changed that so now everyone is able to comment.

Tonight I'm feeling very worn down again. Could be the late nights this whole week. I am going to go to church, reluctantly albeit, and then I am planning on stopping and getting a movie on my way home. If anyone wants to join me just let me know :) Have a great night!

Mood: Unsettled
Music: Nothing just the TV droning on about a stupid Hockey Game that room-mate seems to enjoy! :(

Today I shopped. Spent a lot of money on clothes that I probably don't need, but I like them. That is all I accomplished today. Sad actually.

Almost forgot. I found the Starbucks Card. It had slid down between the door and the seat of my car. So relieved.

I spent the day in Vernon today. I got to wash my Parents house. Most people tend to paint the house and every number of years either repaint the house themselves or hire someone to do it for them. However my parents would rather that I take a bucket, brush, and hose and wash the house at least twice a year. Doing all the windows at the same time. So much fun, actually the job is not all that big of a deal as they have vinyl siding and the weather here today was glorious. I actually didn't mind the job at all. I think it also helped that I chose to go up and do the job on a day when my Mother was at work.

After I got my work there done my Dad took my Mother and I out for supper. Yay Pasta Tuesday at Boston Pizza.

Hooked up with my sister after that and went to see Troy. I have to say I was fairly disappointed with this movie. It really had all of the potential to be a great movie. Unfortunately I think they went a little overboard with the computer animation and they totally screwed with the story! The actors were all really quite good. I believe that Eric Bana was possibly the best actor in the show with Orlando Bloom coming in a close second. The star of the show Brad Pitt was good.

Music: Diana Krall - The Girl In The Other Room
Mood: Happy

You know I think I should have started drinking years ago.

Update on the Newfie bastard from work. He came in again today looking to get those damned pants shipped to him. I finally crumbled and went to see what we could do about it. Turns out that we will do it but it would cost him $6. When I told him that it would cost him $6 he told me that he no longer wanted them. What a cheap old jerk. I now understand why he didn't want to buy the pair we had and get them altered. He didn't want to pay the alteration fee. Thank heavens he left town today. I hope I don't see him again for a long time... if ever.

Well I finally got some news from the company about my training. Turns out they had sent me another letter which has never materialized at my door. Whatever. I talked to a lady in head office today and she informed me that the first week of work will be downtown Vancouver at one of the company's flagship stores. They will be putting me up in a hotel and giving me a $40 per day per diem for food. Makes all those summers living off of a $25 per day food allowance while on the road look positively frugal. Now my only real problem is that I have to go out and buy some clothes that will be suitable for this week. The first day is supposed to be business attire, which begs the question should I go and buy another suit. My grad suit is a little bit small now...

In other news I went to my Pastors Birthday party tonight. Being the crap disturber that I try to be I decided that I would give him a birthday present that would confuse the hell out of him. After work I ran over to Chapter's and bought a copy of The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde (honestly this is one of my absolute favourite books). Knowing Charles (the Pastor) I was absolutely sure that he wouldn't have even heard of it let alone have read it. I was correct. I sincerely hope that he actually reads it. I would love to hear his thoughts on it.

Because one of the last times we talked he mentioned that he would rather do something terrible to himself than read a fictional book I also bought him a Starbucks card. Of course the card, which I put into the front cover of the book, disappeared sometime during the night which is really rather upsetting to me because it's like I just lost some money. Harrumph.

Tomorrow I am planning on going home to Vernon to clean the windows at my parents house. I chose to go tomorrow because my Mother is working and won't be around to hover over me the whole time I'm working. I'm planning on going to see Troy with my sister later in the evening.

Music: Sarah McLaughlin - Surfacing
Mood: Not sure

Feeling slightly embarrassed at the moment. Just talked to Janet and she told me that Jesse and I were very busy last night. Apparently we were dirty dancing most of last night at the club. Feeling very foolish now.

Music: None
Mood: embarrassed

Bunch of stuff to update about. First off the old fool from Cornerbrook came back into work yesterday trying to find another clerk that would actually be dumb enough to take the time to order him his pants and mail them to him. I again encouraged him to take the size we had and get them hemmed. Again the idea was shot down because it made the pants look funny. Hopefully that'll be the end of that little saga.

Yesterday passed with a blur. After work I went home, changed, then went to the Church. A friend of mine from there is in charge of hospitality (basically meeting and greeting people at the door) and had literally been harassing me for months to come out and give her a hand. So before church started I stood at the front door and greeted people, "Hi, how are you? Welcome here!" It's a good thing that I was still in work mode and was extremely chipper and happy.

Very shortly after church ended I left, called J and JD and asked about what was up. J had told me yesterday that she was going out last night and I could come if I wanted to. To be honest I had been excited about going out all day and could not wait. I went picked J up then we went to JD's house where J helped hooch her up (don't ask) so that we could go out. As I live downtown I dropped the girls off at a pub then ripped home to park the car for the evening. Then I was ready to go.

Evening started at the Pub where we were right in the middle of a Stag party. As I was sitting with two chicks who were slightly hammered by this time the boys from the Stag kept wandering over and 'visiting' with us. One introduced himself as Al but we soon found out that his name was Steve. We liked Al better anyway. Al was having such a good time that somehow he managed to fall completely over backwards. While sitting in a chair. One minute Al was there... the next he wasn't, because he was laying on the floor. Highly entertaining.

The rest of the night involved the club and a random assortment of other friends. The strange thing about last night was that I had a really good time. I can be honest when I say that this was the first time I've ever actually had fun in a club.

I have decided that instead of using initials in place of people's names I will begin to use pseudonyms. Henceforth:

J = Janet
JD = Jesse

Hope everyone is having a fantastic day. It's sunny and warm here. All signs indicate a beautiful day ahead.

Music: None
Mood: Optimistic

So much for going to bed early tonight. I'm semi-toasted from a couple of glasses of wine. Had a nice time though with about the last person I would have expected.

G'night!

Sometimes I wish for a simpler life. One where everything is cut and dried. Makes sense. Isn't confusing. But then I think about it and wonder if a simpler life is actually possible. Knowing myself and the way that I am I know that I would find some way of turning a perfectly simple life into a mindless pursuit of material gain. Here's my confession. I like stuff. Stuff excites me. I don't completely know why, I know that most of it is just that... stuff, serving no useful purpose.

Yesterday I was invited over to some new friends house for dinner. I had volunteered to bring over dessert (a black forest cake) and had decided that I should take a bottle of wine with me as well. As I walked down the sidewalk to the liquor store one of the homeless dudes sitting in front of a store a few places down from the liquor store asked me for change. I arrogantly strode by him not even acknowledging his existence. Upon arriving at the liquor store I realized that it was closed and verbally vented my frustration. Hearing me grumble the aforementioned homeless man looked up in surprise and said "What it's closed!?" I looked at him and told him that yes it was. He then asked me if there was another liquor store nearby to which I replied "yep, only a few blocks down the street" and I proceeded to give him directions. He thanked me and smiled and waved, picked up his stuff and headed off in the direction of the store. As I climbed into my car and cranked the stereo I thought to myself that I am a total bastard. I was more than happy to give the guy directions and chat with him pointing him in the direction of his doom but when he was asking me for money I wouldn't even look at him. I felt like scum.

The customers were so strange at work today that we were all wondering if it was a full moon! Oddly enough the full moon was last week or something yet all the crazies came out today. One man wanted me to ship a pair of pants to Corner Brook, Newfoundland for him because they were his favorite type of pants. Well I tried to explain to him that we didn't have the size that he wanted (36X30) in store and that finding him the pants would involve a huge amount of work calling around to other stores, getting them shipped to us, then we would in turn have to mail them to him in Newfoundland. Don't they have pants in Newfoundland? Of course we did have a pair of 36X32 in stock, the exact colour and everything that he wanted but you know "Hemming makes them look strange!" Eventually he wandered away and hopefully will not be in again before he leaves for Newfoundland on Monday. Oh I didn't mention that this was a RUSH order!!!

Then we had another guy come in that I had put an order in for a week ago. He had ordered a specific jacket that was to come from Vancouver as we didn't have the size or color that he wanted. We no word of a lie here I put the order in, told him that it would be about a week for it to arrive and that we would call him. He came in almost everyday for the past week all bent out of shape that it hadn't arrived yet. You know your really testing a Retail Clerks patience when they have specifically told you a week but you don't believe them. So I finally got his bloody jacket today and then he tells me that he wants the sale price from last week. Fine. But he also wants it on this other IDENTICAL jacket in beige that he decided he liked as well. I don't understand liking a jacket so much that you have to have the same one in two different colours! Maybe I'm crazy... yes that must be it...

The final straw was this old lady that came in looking for a shirt for her husband. She squeaked when she walked she was so cheap. I directed her and hubby to the area where we keep all of our cheap shirts. She proceeded to take out all of the pins and unfold just about every shirt in the area! I just happily (sarcasm) followed her around re-folding and pinning all of the shirts. Thank God she actually did buy a couple in the end or I don't know what I would have done...!

I have just enabled the comments section on my Blog. Please feel free to use it.

I now have so much cologne it's almost indecent. I finally went to exchange a bottle of Chanel I got for Christmas this year for a new scent. I ended up choosing YSL M7 after checking to make sure it wasn't going to try and kill me like the Chanel was trying! While there I was given a 90ml bottle of Hugo Boss - Boss for some work that I had done for the company. I was also loaded up with a number of testers. Bringing my bounty home I have just counted the number of bottles in my collection and found that I have 7 bottles of high end cologne and two testers, not including the three testers that I am going to give to a friend this afternoon because... well it's not like I need them.

Some people are incredible. At work today this black lady (I only point out that she was black because it pertains to the story) was returning a pair of shorts that she claimed she had bought last week. BS is all I have to say to her claim. These shorts were so old I hadn't even seen the style in the store. She had tried to pull off all of the clearance stickers so that we wouldn't know that she bout them for like $12 instead of the $39.99 the original sticker price showed. Oh I didn't mention that she didn't bring in a receipt so as far as we know she could have picked them up off the shelf on her way to the counter to demand a refund. Anyways I told her that we would give her the last sales price of the shorts, which I guessed was about $19.99. Well she didn't seem to like this and told me that she was sick of our company and our Racist policies! To be honest this was the most exciting thing that has happened to me all week and I was very excited about it. I gravely, but happily told her that I would certainly be very happy to call a manager over for her to settle the issue as I didn't think that insulting our staff's integrity was acceptable. She looked surprised and then refused my offer. For some reason she didn't want to talk to a manager she just wanted to buy the other clothes that she had with her and leave. I was so tempted to call security and a manager and have her thrown out of the store it was incredible. Stupid cow! I think that she believed that if she hinted that she would make allegations of racism we would back down and just give her anything she wanted. Unbelievable!

The worst part of the entire situation was the poor girl who was waiting on this cow was almost in tears at the end of the exchange because she was so upset at being accused of racism. If felt so bad for her that my fury just skyrocketed! Once I hit management my policy is always going to be staff first, customers second. I believe that if you treat your people right and stand by them they in turn are going to treat your customers right which will cause them to continue returning to your store.

To cap off the story as I was looking at the aforementioned customer I noticed that she was wearing some unusual earrings. These earrings boldly spelled out JESUS in big gold block letters across both of her ears... I wonder what Jesus thought about false accusations... Oh right he wasn't big on them. Just another God Damned hypocrite! Nice going church.

I read an interesting chapter in Blue Like Jazz, this book that my church small group is reading, that was about Grace today. I have to say that the timing was pretty good for me. Basically the author wrote about how he was once a legalist, which I have been, and that it was one of the hardest things for him to come out of. Understanding that God's grace is free and available for all is a concept that I have been grappling with for years. I am so full of pride that I don't want anyone, least of all God to give me anything for free. I can do it and get it through my own hard work. Damned if I'm going to be in someone's debt for anything that I have or accomplish. These are the thoughts that have caused me much anguish over the years. I know that I am most comfortable being a legalist and that my very nature works the best while following legalistic principles. Coming to an understanding of Grace is going to be a long an tough process that I can only be lead through. I don't believe that there is ever going to be a way for me to work towards this understanding. I hope this post makes sense because I'm writing very off the top.

I just got back from seeing 'Kill Bill II' which was brilliant. It is totally different than Volume I, which was terrific, so I am completely satisfied with how these movies turned out.

Mood: Content
Music: Classical Yo-Yo

Nothing to write to night. I went for a 10km walk today. Had absoletely nothing better to do. Need to find a hobby.

Mother's Day was exactly how I pictured it would be. My Mother wanted me to come up to Vernon so I could go to church with the family this morning. I don't really understand why this is a big deal for her other than it could be some whacked out pride thing she's got going on. It's sort of as if she's showing off to the rest of the church that her whole family is there with her and isn't she special. She knows I despise going to her church so I'm pretty sure that she makes such a big deal out of me going there because she gets something out of it that I don't get. Anyways after that we went home, had lunch stared at each other, sister and I watched TV, Mom had a nap, Dad disappeared, I thought about how I had turned down a shift at work for this, we had supper, we argued about the Government's Paternity Leave laws, I left. I'm home now and have seen quite enough of my Mother for a good long time. Not that I don't love her.

Last night I was told about a situation in a church I am associated with that I can only classify as sexual abuse. The situation involves two youth leaders and a 16 year old. There is a major problem for me though as I cannot betray the trust of the person who told me about the situation, and I would rather not reveal where I attained the information from. On the other hand I am worried about the destruction, that is highly likely to happen, in the lives of those involved. Terrible situation.

Went for coffee with a new acquaintance last night. I just recently met this guy and he has been very helpful in helping me to understand myself a little better. Our conversation was very informative. I am seriously considering making a few changes in my life that won't make me all that popular in certain religious circles most importantly mine. Lately though as you may know I haven't been all that concerned about religious circles. Must find what's right for me.

Here's a fucked up story from work today...

I was wandering around helping people in men's today when I approached a lady and asked her if she needed a hand. She looked and me and told me that yes she did need a hand as she was shopping for a very special person. She was looking for some high quality polo shirts so I happily helped her select one. After we had selected one she stopped, looked directly at me and said I just have to tell you how we met it's the most beautiful story. She told me that she had just got back from her high school reunion in Los Angeles, because her father was American and her mother was Quebecois (I really don't know what this little tid-bit had to do with anything but it's there for you anyway). At the reunion she had met the most amazing, beautiful man whom she had had no idea even existed in high school because she had been a cheer leader and blah, blah, blah... She continued on with her story and told me how everything between the two just flowed and that she had found her soul mate. She was so happy. Now the only obstacle they had to overcome before their lives could come together was that they needed to tell their spouses that it was over. They had both become more like room-mates than lovers with their spouses so it was time to end it.

Let me tell you I was fighting to keep a bemused smile on my face. I really wanted to slap her, tell her she was a stupid whore that she was likely in the middle of destroying the lives of those around her that she loved, and push her out of the store. Instead of doing these things I smiled, realized a perfect sales opportunity and sold her three of the most expensive shirts that we carried! I was slightly surprised that when I asked her what his favourite colour was she said she really didn't know... I thought they were soul mates!

I'm now feeling somewhat sorry for selling her those shirts as it has been pointed out to me that her husband was likely footing the bill for the shirts. Why do people seem to be doing this sort of thing so often these days. Perhaps it has something to do with the lack of a moral grounding the boomer generation seems to exhibit.

I fear that I too may be headed on this path. Today at small group I hashed out a few things with my group leader who also is one of the Pastors at my church. As luck would have it we were the only ones that showed up for the group this week. We discussed the fact that I completely believe in God and that he directs our lives and has a plan for all of us. What I can't seem to grasp is the significance of Christ dyeing on the cross. I just don't seem to care.

I was told that it seems as though I need to place myself in spiritually windy places in order for my faith to grow. At this moment I don't understand how placing myself into positions that are difficult and painful will ultimately help me. As far as I'm concerned every time I go into a church I'm in one of the most difficult and painful places I could possibly enter. All those false plastic people in one place. So nice to your face and always preaching the good news that God and everyone there loves you so much... but then not acting on it. Maybe it's me?

Fuck! I'm not feeling emotionally stable. I could happily go out, get a bottle of wine and drink myself stupid tonight. It won't ease the pain though so there's no point. That and it's not the best way to deal with this.

Americans are just silly. I just heard on 'The Current', the morning radio show on CBC, that many American men are posting on the internet trying to find Canadian brides in order to "escape" the political environment in the States. Go figure!

Sorry about last nights post. It had the depth of a Britney Spears single. I just got back from having Martinis with friends. Quite enjoyed myself as I haven't gone for Martinis for quite a long time. I really need to continue branching out and hanging out with people I haven't hung out with before.

Today work was so busy. I was the only person on for both Men's and Kid's. Very difficult. I forgot to post this last night but I had some guy come in and ask me to press his new pants as he was late for work. I told him that I don't press pants. He said that they had done it for him last week! I was in shock that he would need this service twice in as many weeks. So finally one of the ladies took pity on him and went to press his pants. Would you believe the bastard started getting mad and swearing because it was taking her so long! I told him that because she was doing him a favour and this was not part of her job he should be thankful and that he had better damned well thank her for doing it. He made me so mad I couldn't even think straight to tell him off!

Tomorrow I am meeting for my small group from church. I know it's not going to be a great because I have to confess to them that I haven't bothered to even pick up my Bible again for another week... which would mean I haven't read the thing for about 5 or 6 months. And last week I had made the commitment to read at least once this week. Hmmm, still have time tonight now that I think about it. Gotta go.

Crossroads are an interesting place to stand. Many decisions in life have the power to dramatically alter the course of your life's path. One day you think you have life all planned out and your going places the next day your trying to claw your way back to a place where things make sense. Gasping for a taste of 'reality'. Of course reality is somewhat dependent upon your perspective of reality and what that is for you. All through life you bob along thinking that your an orange. A nice smooth perfectly round orange. Your happy being an orange... or so you think. Then one day you happen upon a mirror and the mirror clearly shows you that your a banana! What the hell? How did I become a banana? People who know you start to say things like 'I always thought you were a banana but was never really sure!' Now your worried if the people that are important to you will understand that you really are a banana and are quite happy being one. Reality... weird.

Well I just got back from Girls Night. The company's cosmetics night which I was asked to volunteer for as they needed more cashiers. I was placed at the most enviable counter of the evening MAC where I processed a few thousand dollars in teeny, tiny containers of funky colours. Actually had an excellent time and quite enjoyed myself. Aside from that I worked a 6 hour shift in Mens wear this afternoon have been called in for two more shifts this week, they tried to call me in Monday as well but I wasn't available, which means I'll have almost worked a full week again. Three weeks in a row of working everyday. Not bad when I was told to expect to work only two shifts a week.

Well time to read a book I think. I just started Barney's Version by Mordechia Richler and it's hysterical. Full of one liners and quips. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Right... I'm back. Sorry about the interruption to my last post. Realized that I rather wanted to watch a movie and then realized that I was late to go and pick up my Grandma for our mini-vacation.

Back to the previous entry. So I left the stag party pondering why it was that a 'Christian' would choose to get really drunk two nights before his wedding when I'm quite sure he has done that sort of thing very few times before. Is this his last ditch attempt to do everything that he wanted to before he got married? If so I must admit I'm rather sad that that's the only other thing he wanted to do before tying the knot.

So I made my way from the Stag back downtown with the intention of going home. Got slightly sidetracked for a few minutes when J called and told me to come down to the pub for a while. Got there just soon enough to have my friend JD attack me and tell me that I was coming to the bar with her. We settled on her getting a ride with me to the bar and then me sneaking away while she was molesting a bouncer. Came home went to sleep.

Work up early Friday morning and went to work. Got home from work and decided that I really wanted to drive me car again so I got in and drove to Penticton just for something to do. I know lame but I enjoyed it.

Saturday morning I again got up early and ran over to the church to help out with a car wash. I vacuumed cars for a while and met a really cute girl. Then I went home. At home I basically wasted a little time before I headed out to the aforementioned grooms wedding. Luckily he was in much better shape than the last time that I had seen him and the wedding was beautiful if not hot (28dg) and boring. I soon ditched the wedding and raced home to get ready for the event of the evening The Okanagan Spring Wine Festival Consumer Tasting! Wheeeeeeee! Unfortunately I had a little too much fun and got extremely drunk. Fortunately one of my friends ended up baby-sitting myself and his girlfriend, who had teamed up to taste wine from all 35 wineries, and the evening ended well.

By all accounts I was a total embarrassment and my darling sister was kind enough to record parts of the 4 phone calls that I made to her. Feeling rather sheepish the next morning when I started getting calls back from friends whom I had left messages for that night. Apparently one of the more entertaining points in the evening that I am fortunate to have come out of unscathed was when I was standing across the street from Kelowna's homeless mission screaming about how much I hated homeless people! Oh lord.

Sunday I woke up quite happily without a hangover (which I have been fortunate enough to never have experienced) and sort of cruised around the apartment doing nothing. I finally settled to watch 'Love Actually', which my room-mate had rented the night before. Ok movie. Then I quickly gathered a few things up for a very impromptu road trip to Nakusp to visit the hotsprings. Let me tell you that trip which involves a very windy single lane highway through the Monashee mountain range was a fabulous test of the Focuses abilities. The car passed with flying colours! Loving the car even more now.

Trip was very good and Grandma and I had a good time together. I do have to admit thought that it takes a lot of patients to be able to successfully travel with ones Grandmother.

I have been noticing lately that I haven't been writing a lot about anything that I'm actually feeling. Many of / most of my entries seem to be a description of my day to day activities. I am going to try to be more introspective from this point on.

I have been told a number of times lately that I have been changing. I have to admit that I have actually been working at making this change happen. By not caring as much about what others think I do believe that I will be happier in the end. So in this vein of thinking I take back any apologies I may have made previously about drinking. I quite enjoyed getting drunk the other night and will quite possibly relive the experience again. Really don't know why I didn't do this before. Who knows what I'll do next...

Good afternoon. Last night was the end of a very busy week. When my room mate showed up Friday night I had to apologise for the state of the apartment. I have been doing nothing here except sleeping for the past week (oh, everything got worked out with my room mate. The rent will go up $50 but nothing else will change).

On Thursday I worked my first shift in men's wear. Turns out that selling clothing to men is like shooting fish in a barrel. It's incredible how easy it is to move them from looking at a $12 shirt over to a $68 shirt with a pair of pants to match! Maybe I just have a gift.

After work I went to a Stag party for a friend from my church. On my way I stopped and bought a bottle of wine, as the meal was going to consist entirely of meat, but I was hesitent when bringing it into the condo they had rented because I wasn't sure what kind of party it was going to be. I found out as soon as I walked into the kitchen and saw a multitude of hard liqour bottles arrayed. As I was planning on driving home that night because of things I had to do in the morning I drank very little and instead concentrated on making sure that everyone else had a full glass at all times. The groom threw up a number of times before I left.

Oops have to run.

I LOVE my FOCUS! It's better than I had hoped. The sound system rocks and sounds fantastic with music as diverse as Britney Spears and Diana Krall (who has released a new album btw!). The motor is quite and powerful. The ride is firm but not harsh. The seats are comfortable and the inside is spacious. The only thing that is wrong with my car is the lack of intermittant wipers! This is supposed to be there but so far is not, back to the dealer I go in a couple of days.

In other news I've been working 6am-2pm for the past two days and tomorrow is 7am-3pm so I have to get to bed.

Going to get my new car today! Now it's off to work.

My room mate is a fucking moron. I can't believe how his mind works. So here's the situation. He comes home the other night unexpectedly after being away for a number of days and announces that he's upping my rent by $50. Fair enough, I really cannot complain because even then I'm getting the deal of a lifetime. I go into my room and find an addition to the contract that we signed at the beginning of September. I then get to looking at the contract and realize that it boldly states that the rent cannot be increased before a year has passed. I then go out and put a note on the front door (he had already gone to bed and was leaving early in the morning) that asks him to "please review the rental agreement that we signed and we can talk to him about this when he returns". I left the agreement with the pertinent part underlined on the kitchen table. I go to bed thinking we can talk about this next time.

So this morning I wake up to the following letter:

"Keith

With regard to our monthly rental agreement you have some things to consider (ok, I wonder what those are?):

1. If we had a signed lease for a fixed period the situation could be different. However, on a month-to-month arragnement, which you asked for and I conceeded, consession need to be made. (sorry I'm confused, are concessions usually made on contracts? I thought that once a contract was signed that was it. It seems that he is under the impression that because we are on a month-to-month tenancy arrangement that means he is exempt from the regular rental laws that apply such as, you can't raise the rent in a period that is less than a year!)

2. (My personal favorite) I was doing you a favour by only charging you $350 while you were at school because someone did that for me in the past. (So sorry I'm confused again. I don't see how the way that you set the original rental price has anything to do with me. If he would have asked for $500 a month when I first moved in he likely would have gotten it. Don't try to sound like a fucking angel, I believe that he was the one who was unemployed for about 9 months when I moved in. I'm quite sure that my rent money helped to save his ass a number of times. SO ANGRY!)

3. The cheapest place in town to rent is $425 + half of the utilities and you can bet it is not as nice and not downtown. (Granted this place is awesome but is that figure for $425 with the room-mate factored into it?

4. You now have the place almost to yourself which I know is something that you appreciate. (So because he finally got a job in Vernon and is happy living with his Grandma there that means that I should be appreciative to him for not being around? How does that work. Whether he's here or not I don't give a rats ass, it's his place. His choices are what caused him to end up in this situation nothing that I am responsible for)

5. I am making an effort to find out exactly when you are leaving and basing my sell of this condo & moving around your moving out as a favour to you. (Again sever anger. Don't tell me that I have anything to do with your decision to list the condo. Under the tenancy act he would still have to give me notice etc. Not to mention the fact that he could have just asked me when I was planning on ending my tenancy and I would have told him that it would be exactly as was originally agreed upon September! The fact that he has never mentioned to me that he was looking into selling this place anytime soon really plays into the situation as well. Hell I'd even make all the arrangement for him, for a commission, if he asked)

Please sign the addendum OR leave me a message at ... and we will discuss living arrangements."

Of all the manipulative bastards! All he had to do was say to me Keith because of the changes in our living situation I would like to raise the rent. I was already thinking about paying him more anyway so really all he had to do was ask. He can't just come running in and tell me that I have to do what he says. I have rights damn-it!

I'm going to start looking into finding other living arrangements for the next four months because I know how much it would screw him to lose my rent. The fact that he's not living here means that he won't be able to get another 'room-mate' because of Strata regs. Right now I'm just so mad about this I'm not really thinking rationally. What I want is an apology from him for that ludicrous letter and I will happily pay him the $50 more a month. I don't want to strain the relationship that we do have though because if I do stay I don't want anytime that he's around to be uncomfortable.

Mood: Angry
Music: None

I have done a horrible thing. I downloaded a copy of Civ III and I'm spending way to much time playing the stupid thing. It's fun but it's also tough without having an instruction book. I have lost both of the games that I have payed. I think this computer may be just like my last computers which play very unfairly.

Aside from that there really isn't anything new going on. I'm going to be working almost full time next week which is good and bad. I want the work but at the same time I don't. Oh well I'm such a conflicted kid.

Need to get out more.

I'm so getting used to doing nothing it's scary. I think the most scary part of the whole thing is that I really kind of like it. I'm totally content to sit at home and look at the things that I should clean up, the dishes that I should put away, all the other little things that usually nag at me. The difference now is that I don't care if it actually gets done or not. It will eventually so why rush it.

Picked up my ticket for the Okanagan Spring Wine Festival today. This time the event is actually going to be held just a few short blocks from my condo and will involve around 35 local wineries. I'm totally pumped about the whole event. Much partying is going to be happening that night.

Well everything on the car front is looking good. I went and took it out for a test drive today and it was awesome! I'm so pleased with it. The windows are going to be tinted in the next few days and I'm positive it's going to look really good. Now I'm just waiting for my Dad to make a decision as to whether he is going to buy my Probe from me for my sister or not. When he makes up his mind I'll be able to go down and collect my new baby! As usual though everything with Dad takes a million years so hopefully I'll know in the next couple of days. I'm currently pushing for sister to get a job down here in Kelowna at my company, which means that she'll need transportation. I know that she has a good chance of getting it so fingers are crossed!

I talked with my friend MK tonight for the first time in a long time. It was great to hear from her. I can't wait until we live closer to each other again and can spend more time together.

It's raining. A lot. I'm going for Sushi. I don't really like Sushi but I'm going anyway.

Get up, go to meeting at bank, go home, go to work, go home, waste time on computer and in front of TV, go to J's, eat chips, watch bad movie, come home, do this, go to bed. Tomorrow may be more interesting. Then again it may not be.

Oh boy was last night interesting. I got very drunk. More drunk than I have ever been. J and I finished off a 2/6 of Vodka then we went to the bar with a bunch of friends. I met my sister and some of her friends at the bar as well. As I don't have a great love of the bar I actually left and went home at 1:26 (luckily I live two blocks from the bars). Once home I proceeded to call and leave my sister a series of 'interesting' messages on her voice mail and for some reason I decided to sent a drunken e-mail to my friend MK in Vancouver. I then went to bed. This morning I woke up ravenously hungry and wondering if I had in fact sent a drunken e-mail. Well tonight I got a reply to it. Wonderful, I'm an idiot.

After getting up this morning I called those whom I was out with last night and we proceeded to go for brunch at Whitespot. J stumbled in still emitting alcoholic fumes and lolling over anyone near by. Aside from a vague nauseous feeling that soon went away I was fine. Thank God I remembered to drink a lot of water between drinks last night.

The trip to Calgary was fun but rather rushed. Turns out my sister didn't really have a plan for what we were going to do once there so I ended up trying to read her mind and make sure that she knew about everything she needed to know about before making a decision. I can understand that she doesn't really know what she needs to be looking for but for heaven sake she's going to have to get aggressive about some of this stuff soon cause her family isn't going to be there making decisions for her much longer.

My car was delivered to the dealership on Saturday. It's going to stay there until the time is right for me to take possession of it. It is really nice though and I'm excited.

I realized this morning that I haven't been to church in the past number of weeks. I can honestly say I don't care. I still feel that I should be committing to it somehow but just don't want to go. I'm supposed to be going to a small group weekly but the timing has just not worked out so far. I have got calls every couple of weeks though to remind me that I had agreed to help out at the Saturday service. How nice. No one calls for any other reason. Maybe I just expect to much.

I feel as though I have very much missed out on a lot of things that are typical rights of passage into adulthood. It really seems as though many of the people I hang out with are enjoying life a lot more than I am. I'm sure it's my imagination but I still feel as though something is missing. Maybe it's that 'God shaped hole' you always hear religious types yapping about. Maybe it's a feeling of not fitting into your own culture, or feeling at home in your own skin. I definitely do not feel at home in my own skin a lot of the time. I have been working at revamping myself and my image as of late. We shall see where I end up.

I'm tired, excited, sore, and just plain feeling weird. I went to the chiropractor this morning where she beat the hell out of me. I felt better though. I've been having to ice my neck because the tenderness is so pronounced.

After the chiropractor I went to work. Nuff said.

Then I went home, checked my mailbox to see if the letter had got here yet. It hadn't. So I went to the Ford Dealer and they ran a credit check to make sure I could and would pay for the car. Surprisingly enough everything went fine and I'm approved. Then they sprung an unexpected surprise on me and asked for a $500 deposit on the car. Good thing I keep my credit card balances low AMEX just made a deposit on my behalf. I mentioned to the Salesman as I was leaving that he should have made sure to tell me that I needed to bring the deposit and he was quite surprised. He apparently wasn't aware that I was supposed to make a deposit. Whatever it's all said and done now and the car should be arriving tomorrow, while I'm on my way to Calgary! Fabulous. I made sure that I listened to the 'Audiophile' stereo system in one of the other Focuses on the lot just so I'd have an idea of what I am getting. It sounded Awesome! Nothing at all like a regular Ford stereo system. I also arranged for the dealer to have the rear windows tinted, I'm going for Limousine tint just because it looks really cool. I may even have the front windows tinted a little.

Well that pretty much sums up my day. It's really strange but instead of feeling extremely excited about my new car I'm already worrying about the payments. I need to learn to enjoy life a lot more and stop being so entirely responsible.

Well I'm off to Calgary tomorrow morning so it'll likely be a while till I write. Until then, stay safe and have fun!

A lot has transpired since my last post. Actually the most important things happened yesterday afternoon after I got home from work. Before leaving the house yesterday morning I sent an e-mail to X company headquarters essentially telling them that I'm getting really mad about the way they are handling their plans for me. I got an e-mail back last night telling me that I will indeed be staying in Kelowna for the first 3 month phase of my program! This is actually excellent news. As my living arrangements here are very good and extremely cheap. So I have one more summer in the glorious Okanagan, it promises to be a summer of wine and leisure.

The second thing that happened yesterday is that I have ordered a car! So excited. I had picked out this car last week and was shopping around the different Ford dealers to see which one would give me the best deal. Turns out that they were all giving me the exact same price. I was really surprised to find out that a dealer is only going to be making $500 off of me buying from them. So with the price not being an issue I ended up picking which dealer I was going to buy from based on personality of the Salesman I dealt with. Anyway about the car.

I have ordered a Twilight Blue (a metallic royal blue color) Ford Focus ZX3. This car has every option available on the ZX3 including: power windows, moon roof, locks, mirrors, leather seats, 6 disc in-dash CD player with 'Audiophile' speakers including sub-woofer, Fog lights, air conditioning, 16" Alloy wheels, tilt and telescoping wheel, cruise control, and keyless entry with alarm. I'm smiling just writing about it!!!

Now that I'm staying in Kelowna my expenses will be significantly less for the first three months which will help me save so that I am more prepared for the September move to Vancouver. Everything is just turning out rosy.

Happy Easter! I'm in Vernon at my parents house where we had a fantastic lunch of an assortment of salads. Very nice and light for Easter. No one wanted to go to the fuss of making a turkey which turned out fine. Aside from my family my Grandma and Uncle P were there, as well as the Answer Man, two of my parents friends with their daughter and my friend J. She manages to show up for a number of pretty good meals. Overall the day has been really good.

I'm extremely tired as my sister and I stayed up to watch Janet Jackson on SNL last night. Reasonably good show but Janet's performance was rather lacking. As a result of going to bed so late I was awaken by my mother and our dog bouncing on my bed this morning yelling about the Easter Bunny. Funny but not very.

The search for a car goes on. I'm totally in love with the Focus ZX3 (www.ford.ca) but I stopped at the Honda dealer in town yesterday and drove the Civic Si-G which caused me to have 'feelings' for the Civic as well. I'm so confused. Both cars are completely comparable and both are consumer reports best buys for their classes. I think that basically the choice is going to come down to a combination of finance rates and insurance costs. Tomorrow Dad is going to call a buddy of his down at the coast that works for Ford to see what kind of a deal he can swing me.

I'm going to watch LOTR III again tomorrow with the Answer Man. I'm looking forward to it but hope that I'll be able to go for a bit of a hike before the movie as well as the weather is phenomenal.

I woke up pissed off this morning. But then I guess that's not a surprise seeing as I went to bed pissed off as well. No one particular reason other than the fact that I am totally twisting in the wind until I get the Fucking letter from my company telling me where I'm going to work and how much I'm going to be making. All this waiting is making me crazy. Everyday I get asked by just about everyone I know "Have you heard yet?" So much is dependent upon the factors outlined in the letter I can't do a bloody thing until I get it. Frustration as a result of powerlessness.

I'm such a fool. Considering which car I wanted and which would be the most economical lead to me the Ford Focus. I can't believe that I didn't consider this car before. Talking with my Dad tonight made me feel rather silly as well. He mentioned the fact that a Focus would be a fantastic choice because he's currently in the process of buying two new Ford trucks for the business which should motivate our local Ford dealer to cut me an amazing deal! We shall see. I'm going up to Vernon tomorrow morning and we'll be going for a test drive and discussing exactly what I want. The fact that I'll be buying brand new just blows my mind but at 0% financing and an excellent deal it just seems to make sense.

Why does the feeling of love always hit me at the most inconvenient times? Maybe it's not love maybe it's just a feeling of not wanting things to change. Possibly a longing for something just within reach and yet... just... slightly out of my grasp. Constantly taunting me. Messing with my mind. Maybe I've just become accustomed to her presence. I don't want to leave her. But I must. Discontent. Sadness? I don't know. Not exactly the feeling I'm feeling. I miss her already.

I have been having just the most wonderful day. I woke up around 9ish and then called my contact at X company in Vancouver. Well it turns out that I will most assuredly be moving to Vancouver by the end of May. I am actually really quite excited about that but of course am already sort of worried about getting all of the living issues nailed down.

After that I went for a swim at the pool which I rather enjoyed. As I was cursing along in the swim lane the rest of the pool was filled with old ladies doing some sort of water aerobics. Rather amusing to watch. Some of them were wearing running shoes. I was pretty surprised by that. I had always assumed that if you wore nice Air into a pool the shoes would constantly be trying to float to the top submerging your head. Happily this was not the case as the old ladies hardly seemed to get their hair wet, always of utmost importance to old ladies in water.

I arrived home and after a lunch of tofu wieners' and fired onions I struck out for X company so that I could book some time off. Apparently my sister needs me to take her to Calgary this coming week so I had to book the time off for that. I also took the first of May off because I was planning on going to the Okanagan Spring Wine Festival (www.thewinefestivals.com) Consumer Tasting. Unfortunately when I got home and checked my calendar I realized that I am supposed to go to a wedding on that day. Of course this has turned out to be quite a dilemma because I would really very much rather go to the wine festival and I have not seen either the bride or the groom for a number of months. Additionally I suspect that I was a courtesy invite because I happened to be getting to know the couple just as they were planning the wedding and that's all they could talk about anytime I was around. We'll see how the whole thing plays out.

Returning from my little errand I realized the Car needed an oil change so I had that done.

Returning home I decided that it was far to nice of a day to be inside so I doffed my shirt grabbed a couple of blankets and a book and laid on the back lawn of my condo. What a fabulous time of year.

Now I think I'm going to see what's on TV and consider if I want to get a movie tonight as I have spent large amounts of money this last weekend on entertainment and cannot afford to continue at the luxurious pace I have been holding.

I like doing nothing.

Ciao!

J's irritated at me because I'm not going on a vacation. She told me that she thinks I'm scared. I don't think that's it. I'm trying to be rational about the whole thing. Maybe I should go to Cuba...

Last night was an absolute blast. Dinner was good and after a bunch of us went out and had drinks at Tonics. Just sat around, drank and had a good time. Kind of worried about my friend JD though, she got really drunk and when I called her this morning she still hadn't returned home. I know that she's safe but I hope she didn't make any stupid decisions.

Wow what a whirlwind couple of days. This last week saw the end of my classes, and the start of some celebrating. Yesterday I went to J's final presentation for one of our classes. This presentation was quite a big deal because it was basically the culmination of three months of very hard work for her. Her parents even came out for it. After the presentation a whole bunch of us went out to Moxies for supper to celebrate. Her Mom proceeded to get completely smashed and a good time was had by all. The evening didn't last all that long for me because after dinner everyone pretty much went their separate ways. I was actually so tired that I came home at 9:30 and went directly to bed.

The last couple of days have really been a blur. I'm very tired but very hyper at the same time. I am literally bouncing a lot of the time. Driving J crazy.

So today I found out that I may have a choice in where I start work. Turns out that I will possibly be able to stay here for the first 6 months of work and then move down to Vancouver for the next 6. I'm still not sure as I'm still waiting for my official letter from Toronto telling me that I made it into the program. This company is setting a slightly disturbing precedence as to not knowing what one hand is doing...

Tonight I'm heading out for supper with a number of classmates. Then I actually think that I'm going to come home and watch a movie.

So tired. That's all I could think all day but when I went for a nap do you think I could sleep? Nope. Not at all. This is a highly irritating issue that has pretty much plagued me my whole life. Not napping is very tough because you can get so tired but can't do anything about it. I drank red wine. It effectively eased the tension in my neck and back that was causing the headache and has got me warm and ready for bed. Yay!

My final presentation this morning went well and considering that I was not prepared for it at all I think we did pretty darn good. I took a book to class and read through everyone else's presentations because they were honestly quite boring. There are only so many presentations you can see in the course of 24 hours before you start to care less.

On the agenda for tomorrow is handing in a final quiz and then my Mother is coming down to visit. Likely going to be an irritating visit but then they all are with her lately. I think my sister may come down with her as well though so that should make it much more bearable.

My friend R from Vernon called me tonight. It was very nice of him to do so. He's really struggling with what direction to take his life in. He trained as a Pastor but has been unable to get any work in that field since he graduated a couple of years ago and is getting rather despondent. I tried to encourage him as much as I could and told him that things would work out. I know they will eventually and that he is going to be an amazing Pastor. I really like him and hope that things work out for him and his family.

Well I should likely get to sleep soon. Oh the room-mate started working today! I'm so happy. I think that he may actually work tomorrow as well and won't be in my hair all day! How glorious.

I just finished my second to last ever presentation for the business program. I'm pretty darned happy about it. A whole bunch of people from the class went out to Kelly O's after for appies. Had a pretty good time. I can't wait till this is over.

I have firmly decided that I will not be going to Europe in May. Unfortunately the timing that I was thinking of didn't work out for R&S not to mention the fact that I was starting to stress out thinking about getting a loan to go. With return plane tickets costing upwards of $1,300CDN I decided that I would rather wait and go when I'm more settled financially. I don't want to have anything more than a car loan hanging over my head when I start my new job.

As I am not going to Europe I think that May will see me heading to Alberta to visit family and friends in the Calgary area for about a week. Then I'm going to spend the rest of my time driving my new car around the Okanagan and taking in all this area has to offer. Who knows I may end up having to move to Vancouver and May could very well be spent looking for accommodations there. We'll see.

What amazing weather we've been having. Yesterday for the birthday party it was an amazing 20dg. After the party my sister and I went to visit the Answer Man for a while, then I went to PD's house and she gave me a massage. I had never had one before and it was quite nice but I don't completely see why people get so worked up about them.

A presentation tonight, one tomorrow morning, hand in a group take-home quiz and I'm finito! School is finished. Yay! I'm so happy. The fact that my one and only exam is next Tuesday is also wonderful as that means I'll be totally finished soon.

Now that I already have a bunch of free time on my hands I'm starting to feel a little bit lonely. I really don't have all that many people to hang out with once school is over. So far. I'm going to start being a little more aggressive in meeting people now that I have the time.

Well I got the job! I'm so relieved and so very happy about the whole situation. It's even nicer because the whole store (that I currently work at) is very happy and excited for me. The Managers have been announcing to everyone they know, not to mention in the morning meetings, that one of "our people, from our store" was accepted into the program. That definitely makes me feel as though I have made the right choice. Either way I'm thrilled.

Currently I'm waiting for them to send me an official letter of acceptance, which should arrive this week, with this letter in hand I will happily run off to the bank and secure a loan and then go to Holland. I'm also considering a couple of other places in the vicinity that I would like to see. The tentative date of departure is May 1st, depending on the available flights etc. I will be making a visit to my local travel cutz.

Well tonight I went to church and as always I was thoroughly angry by the time I left. I wonder if I should just stop going entirely. I seem to be much happier when I'm not around the church crowd. Enough musing about this now.

I also found out at church that a dear elderly friends husband died in Three Hills on Tuesday. This man was almost singlehandedly responsible for starting the modern church in Chad. Amazing people and it's always sad when they are split apart by death. It is a time to celebrate though because he was definitely ready to be with the Lord. And I'm sure his wife will have an easier life as a result.

Tomorrow I'm planning on heading to Vernon again for a good friends birthday celebration. It should be a nice time. Then I think I'm going to have coffee with the Answer Man before I come home. We're both looking into buying new vehicles so we'll have lots to chat about.

What do you do when you discover that a person is not what they first seemed to be? I'm struggeling with how to react / respond to a friend that has been surprising me alot lately with they're reactions and behaviours.

So the group did a good job of finishing off the final project for Strat. Man. after I designated the sections they were supposed to do. I think that I learned a valuable lesson about delegation from this last project.

Oh we got cable back! Yay! It's only basic cable but it's something for me to watch non-the-less. I'm pacified.

I spent a lot of money today on a lot of crap that I have needed for a while but have been putting off buying because I was too busy. You know the types of purchases, cleaning supply's, socks, toiletries. Fun stuff anyway's. I did buy myself a new T-shirt though as well. Nice 'RL Polo' for $15. It was good to go shopping. I love shopping.

Just got back from Mom and Dad's. I'm tired. Mom first told me that she didn't like my haircut, then that I looked like Bill Gates!??? I don't get it. I think she's insane.

I ate way to much chocolate and other junk today. I want to go swimming tomorrow but I think that I'll wait until after my class is over and go in the afternoon.

I'm tired and going to bed. I'm also going to sleep in... till 8!

It is so hard to get any work done right now. I'm excited because school is almost over and it's so clear and sunny out there right now. Arrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! The torture. So instead of doing homework I'm listening to Tony Bennet and wishing my final Strategic Management assignment will complete itself. Actually I'm thinking about sending an e-mail to my group telling them that I've done more than my part and that it's up to them to get the thing completed and handed in. I'm not the one that needs the 10% that this thing is worth. That's a terrible attitude. I likely won't do that. I'm far to nice. No I just like work.

I'm actually looking forward to doing nothing for a couple of weeks once school is done. I don't think I've ever had a long period of time to just do nothing. It'll be an interesting experience for me. How will I fill my time? I'm thinking about sleeping a lot. Probably won't though, I've never been a good long term sleeper. Maybe I'll take to... hrmph I have no idea. Gee I'll have to think about this one...

J asked me an interesting question tonight. She said "What are we going to do after school?" While considering the fact that I have never not been in school I wasn't really sure how to answer that. Kind of a scary prospect actually. Of course there are all sorts of service clubs and things that I would like to get into but then I ask myself what would be the point? I'll be interested to see what I end up doing.

Don't think I've mentioned this before. I am trying to do things that are uncharacteristic of me. So I went and got a new haircut. After 18 years of the same haircut it's different. Reviews are mixed. People at work said nothing for the most part aside from "it's not you", J told me that she's worried that she's going to "lose me to some chick", my sister told me it looks the same as my last haircut only flatter, and my Dad didn't notice. I'm reasonably happy with it though. For those of you in the audience you should know that this haircut involves growing my hair out. I'm sure you'll be thrilled.

Good Night!

Feeling emotionally vulnerable tonight. I got the mark back from S for the interview that I did on the Answer Man and was irritated to see that I only got 75%. I thought that I had done a very good interview but apparently I didn't put enough Visuals into it or take enough risk in it. What a friggin joke. If I wanted to learn to write like a journalist I would have taken journalism not business.

So after I got the e-mail from the teacher I felt like kind of a loser, especially after finding out that a number of people had done much better than I had even though I had edited their papers. I felt really hurt and started to really want to chocolate. This triggered a thought about a conversation I had in counseling (this week was the last session for a number of weeks, seems I'm sufficiently self-aware now to go it on my own for a while and see what happens) apparently whenever I am hurt I try and cover that pain by doing something. I used to just block it totally and deny that it existed or that whatever it was that hurt me mattered. Well I guess that I'm not doing that as much anymore because now I'm craving chocolate a lot. No apparent reason other than it's comforting. Of course it will make me fat so I'm trying to figure out a way of coping that doesn't turn into a compulsion of addiction. Personally I'm glad that I recognize this because it means that things are improving and that I may actually be learning.

I'm procrastinating.

Feeling REALLY mean tonight. I have just got home from work and am sitting here waiting for my group from school to come over to work on our final assignment. I really hope that I don't lose it on someone!

Today work was fine but all the Managers coming up and asking me if I'd heard anything about the Mgt. Training Program yet or not really started to get to me. I'm stressed out waiting for this already stop asking me about it. I appreciate them asking of course but...

My room-mate and his girlfriend are really bugging me this weekend as well. Just their mere presence is enough to set me on edge. I think I just need to have fewer people around right now. Trying to stay calm.

It's an absolutely stunning day. Blue skies, green grass, sweet smelling air. I'm staying at the computer for most of this afternoon and then I work until 5. Oh well only a couple of days left. Of actual mind exerting effort anyways.

So for months I've been wondering how my roommate manages to live the lifestyle he does having been unemployed for about 9 months now. Well the other day the cable was cut off! He had the audacity to tell me that it was a blessing in disguise because he wasn't going to be here much once work in Vernon started anyway!. I told him that because it was in the rental agreement that I signed when I moved in that he was going to have to do something about it. So far I pulled out the bunny ears that I have and put them on my TV. I only get one channel but it's better than nothing. I actually feel guilty pinning for television but I console myself by saying that I read enough for school already that it's just not enjoyable for pleasure.

I went running this morning at the gym. I love getting the blood flowing like that in the morning. Makes me much more efficient for the rest of the day.

Now I'm off to be efficient!

I'm so excited I can barely contain myself. Talking with my Dad last night he pointed out that I don't have to worry about April and May at all. If and when I get an offer from X company for employment all I have to do is go down to my bank, show them the letter, tell them I have no debt and they'll ask how much do you need!

If that is actually what happens I'm GOING TO EUROPE! Oh, and I'm buying a new car. So excited. Just have to finish off the last two weeks of school. I don't think I mentioned earlier and I'm sure my readers won't know but OUC was taken over by UBC. Doesn't help me at all because the degree doesn't change until 2005.

Today I have a presentation. I have a counseling appointment before that. Then I have lots of homework to do.

I went swimming this morning. The Rec center is packed with old people. It's interesting to listen to them in the change room. This morning they went from discussing the financial woes of the Okanagan Symphony orchestra to how Canada is ultimately ungovernable. I badly wanted to contribute but I just didn't have the time. I am still considering what sort of athletic activity I'm going to start. I want to do something interesting. I'm thinking about triathelons because I have been running and swimming for quite a while now so all that leaves would be learning to ride a bike again. It's been a long time since I was on a bike last.

I feel as though I have had a very efficient day. I like efficient days. I was just doing a little research on the car that I plan to buy after a few months of employment. The fabulous Acura RSX is what I'm aiming for. I'm planning on getting a 2001 or 2002 model year that has just come off lease, been serviced by the dealer, and is fabulously RED! So far my research has confirmed that this car would be a very good bet. I can't wait to ditch the Probe.

In other news I talked to my Grandparents in Saskatchewan tonight and found out that Grandpa got the internet. Unbelievable! He had to go find his e-mail address as he didn't realize that I used the internet so I sent him what was possibly his first e-mail. I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

Ok I'm bored with this. Good Night!

Greetings! I've had a rather productive day so far. I went to the gym this morning. Then I went to work. Now I'm home killing time for a bit and then I'm going back to school.

A thought occurred to me today. My TA position is coming to an end because I'm almost at the 120 hours for the semester allowed by the Union. Classes are done at the end of the month, and then I only have my part-time job at X company to hold me over. If I get the management trainee program then I will have to wait for two months until it starts. What do I do for two months to keep me busy. More importantly where is the money going to come from. I could go and try and get another job but what would be the point if I was going to leave in two months? I may have to look into going on the road again for a couple months if Dad has any work for me but he just hired someone, so I may be out of luck. This is going to require some thinking.

Well it's off to supper then class now.

Wow I'm tired. Today was a long day where I really didn't do anything. I ended up at the coffee shop and ran into my friend the crazy lady. She was kind of mad at me for not having seen her for months. What can I say, I'm busy and she's crazy.

Speaking of crazy, it was an absolutely gorgeous sun drenched day here today so J decided that she was going to sun bathe in a bikini on her front lawn. Then she decided to go for a walk wearing the bikini, a big button up shirt (that wasn't buttoned up), a pair of shorts with holes in them, and flip-flops. Long story short she caused a commotion at the coffee shop when she eventually ended up there! We stayed for a while and while we were there the sun went down, and the wind started to blow. Naturally I asked her to walk back to my place, which was closer, so I could drive her home. I also wanted to torture my desperate little room-mate. Again long story short she paraded around the apartment, then we went for supper at the pub. It just happened. Then I drove her home. Lots of weird looks today.

Well anyways gotta go to bed.

Been a really busy week. Classes at the beginning of the week and Thursday night I went to the O.B.S.A's Business Banquet. It was at The Grand and was really fun. I had talked my Manager at X company into buying a ticket ($65) and she sat with my Dad and I so I am soooooooooooooooooooooo in now. The evening speaker was Silken Lawman the female Olympic rower (who at times looks like a man) and her message was really good.

J was sitting at another table and ended up getting pretty drunk. So naturally we went back to her place and drank some vodka before heading out to the bar (no I wasn't hammered, not even remotely drunk actually) we danced for a while with a bunch of other people who were at the banquet as well and then I went home. A good time had by all.

This weekend I ended on the College's hiring committee, which meant that I had to sit through interviews of potential professors for two days. Yay. We finally came down to a decision yesterday night and it's now over. Haven't been able to do any homework at all yet. So this afternoon I'm going to try and get some things done.

Will write soon... so busy.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sunday morning. I'm killing time before I go to church. Haven't been to church on a Sunday morning in months. It's actually kind of a nice change.

Last night I ended up having my group for class over and we worked on our case study. We actually got a lot done. I had bought a cake earlier so after the case was done we sat around and had cake. Actually ended up having quite a good time. I then went to bed early as I had started work at X company at 7:45 yesterday morning and had gone steady since then.

Well it's time for me to go to church, then work, then J is making me supper! Then I have tons to do for school.

I'm sipping an entirely acceptable Cabernet Sauvingnon, working on my Strategic Management Group project, and listening to INXS Greatest Hits, fantastic band if nothing else.

Today was the day that I walked out of work with three pairs of Polo jeans... you see they were on sale for $24.99 and I couldn't resist. I bought myself two pairs and one for my Dad. I'm sure he'll enjoy them, not because they're Polo but because they're cheap! And if he's all about nothing else, he's all about cheap! Yay cheap.

Well I went to my Naturalpath yesterday and he loaded me up with another $150+ of natural medications to keep me feeling lovely. He gave me a bunch of stuff for my sinuses and it's incredible but after months of not being able to breath without the aid of a nasal spray I woke up this morning breathing and feeling reasonably good. So I went swimming. Then I didn't feel so good. Stupid exercise. Anyways back to the Naturalpath, I insisted they give me another shot of the seretonin drops that keep me sane because I really don't want to be depressed again. I just can't handle the depths that I fall to. Hopefully by the time that I finish this bottle it will be spring and I won't have as much of a problem. I've never really noticed being totally depressed in the summer.

I gave the lady at the Rec. Center my Student card, now complete with sticker, and she was surprised at the sticker they had given me. I honestly think that she thought I was just trying to rip the Rec. Center off. If it wasn't such a good deal for three months I just might have been offended.

Stuff keeps piling up at an alarming rate. If there wasn't just four more weeks of school left I'd actually be worried. I can handle this pace for another four more weeks, write my ONE exam (this is the only time in my school career I've had fewer than three exams in a semester) and then take a break. I think that a break for me is likely going to involve working and doing little else. My friend J told me that she couldn't see me quitting work and going on vacation. Just said it struck her funny.

Well I should go back to working on my group project then go to bed at an early hour because I work early tomorrow morning.

Bye.

Third interview went well. It's interesting the Manager of company Z seemed more professional than the Regional Manager of X company that I had my last interview with. Like the last interview this one was very short and somewhat informal. I still think that I already have the job. Well see though there is still one more interview to go.

I am really glad that today is over. After the terrible presentation this afternoon I came home and wrote my team an e-mail thanking them for the work they have put in so far and encouraging them that we will do better next time. I hope that I'll be able to learn to lead people better by way of working hard at it as well as working out the issues in my head.

Today I learned I have roles that I try to define myself with. These roles, workaholic, perfectionist, and Judge, were ingrained in my thinking while growing up. I don't completely understand or know what is at my core because I use these roles to determine my thinking and acting most of the time. Writing this is difficult because I haven't really had any time to think about this as of yet.

I think I mentioned before that whenever I'm in a session near the end I start to feel as though someone has kicked me in the balls. The feeling is so intense and disturbing that learning to deal with it is going to take some. My friend N from San Francisco called me tonight (Yay!) and I was discussing this because she had gone through a number of years of counseling and she told me this feeling is normal. Trying to cope and deal with all the things being dredged up in your mind can be overwhelming but it will get better. I was really glad that I got to talk with her because as far as I know I don't really have anyone to relate to about this. It was good to have some confirmation that I'm not the only one this stuff happens to. I miss her.

I feel freaked. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. I really feel like I did the day that I got drunk, and I almost want to again. I realize fully now that the counseling sessions are causing me a great deal of emotional stress. Unfortunatly even though it's bad stress I believe the end result will be reasonable. I have discovered a great deal about myself today that I need to change and will have to think about. The only problem is that I have so much to do that I just can't seem to get around to it. I have to go to my job interview now.

Well it's been quite the day. Thank God it's over. It was a pleasant day and nothing went wrong or anything I'm just tired. Tomorrow is looking to be even more fun. Starting off by getting my fat ass over to the gym. Then going to my next counseling appointment. Then I give a presentation in one of my classes. And finally my third interview at X company. Somewhere in there I have to read another case for one of my classes. Good thing I like to be busy.

Oh the water for my tea is boiling...

Currently I am in the middle of marking over a hundred assignments for my 2nd year class. I can't believe most of them graduated from high school. The grammar is horrendous.

I am definitely tired already I can't think of much more to write here. I am going to go sit in my lounger and mark at least two more papers then do some pleasure reading. Hopefully I can be in bed by 10:30 at the latest.

My nose is stuffed. For the past two weeks my sinuses have been completely clogged unless I snort a nasal spray. Well this morning I forgot to spray. Now I'm at school breathing through my mouth. Cannot wait to get home to snort up the medicine.

Well this morning being the 1st of March I decided that I would make good on my initiative to get back in shape. I got up at the un-Godly hour of 7 and made my way over to the pool. I swam for about half an hour and then considering the risk that my heart was going to go into arrest I decided it would be wise to get out of the pool and go home. I did enjoy being active again though. I stopped by the desk on my way out and got a schedule and pass information for the rec center and it turns out that a pass for the pool and weight room are dirt cheap for students! Yay!

This week is really starting to fill up way faster than I thought. Thankfully it looks like I'm going to be really busy. I have my Third interview with X company on Wednesday night at 7. I talked to the interviewer this afternoon and he was very pleasant over the phone. What I have heard about him from my manager is that he is operating one of the most profitable stores in the Province and that he is a really nice guy. Here's hoping.

Well anyways not much else to report. I should get back to marking now. Marking is a very interesting experience. I try to keep out of my mind how much of the students overall mark the paper that I am grading them for is. I find that way I don't get all worried about them hating me. If you turn in shitty work, your going to get an equally shitty mark.

Now with the battle cry of 'No Mercy!' I'm back at it.