Third interview went well. It's interesting the Manager of company Z seemed more professional than the Regional Manager of X company that I had my last interview with. Like the last interview this one was very short and somewhat informal. I still think that I already have the job. Well see though there is still one more interview to go.

I am really glad that today is over. After the terrible presentation this afternoon I came home and wrote my team an e-mail thanking them for the work they have put in so far and encouraging them that we will do better next time. I hope that I'll be able to learn to lead people better by way of working hard at it as well as working out the issues in my head.

Today I learned I have roles that I try to define myself with. These roles, workaholic, perfectionist, and Judge, were ingrained in my thinking while growing up. I don't completely understand or know what is at my core because I use these roles to determine my thinking and acting most of the time. Writing this is difficult because I haven't really had any time to think about this as of yet.

I think I mentioned before that whenever I'm in a session near the end I start to feel as though someone has kicked me in the balls. The feeling is so intense and disturbing that learning to deal with it is going to take some. My friend N from San Francisco called me tonight (Yay!) and I was discussing this because she had gone through a number of years of counseling and she told me this feeling is normal. Trying to cope and deal with all the things being dredged up in your mind can be overwhelming but it will get better. I was really glad that I got to talk with her because as far as I know I don't really have anyone to relate to about this. It was good to have some confirmation that I'm not the only one this stuff happens to. I miss her.