2005 Wrap Up

2005 has perhaps been the most brutal of my life in just about everyway.  Emotionally I feel like I’ve been torn apart and sewed back together again so many times that my emotions probably resemble an ugh patchwork quilt but surprisingly that quilt is really warm and seems to just about fit… most of the time.  I’ve been gay and then not.  I’ve been in destructive relationships and I think I’ve fallen in love.  I’ve been manipulated and taken advantage of.  I’ve been the recipient of incredible generosity and goodness.  Physically I’ve suffered from a series of extremely bad colds and of course endured the fabulous Mono episode.  I’ve worked at The Bay, Zellers, 1-800-Got-Junk, tried to get a job at Starbucks, took the summer off and found myself working for my Dad again driving all over Western Canada.  I’ve lived a dream of a life in Vancouver.  I’ve lived a nightmare of a life in Vancouver.  I found myself living in Vernon.  I’ve partied everywhere.  I’ve been depressed to the point of being suicidal; I’ve been deliriously happy.  I’ve relied heavily on friends and family.  I’ve come to appreciate both so much more.  I have two homes in the same town that I can go to whenever I want and yet I’m homeless.  I’ve been rich, poor and I’ve lived beyond my means.  I’m beyond glad that this year is over.

Above all 2005 has taught me that family really is the most important relationship in life.  Without the incredible love and support that my family has shown me this year I honestly don’t believe that I would be sitting here typing this.  Such a marked difference from how this year started I find it absolutely amazing.  So just for the record I just want to publicly state how much I love Dad, Mom and Sister.  Though we have gone through some incredibly rough times this year I wouldn’t trade where we are in our relationship as a family for anything.

Asses,GUESS who's!

Today The Beautiful Girl and I went shopping because I needed some clothes. Apparently I’ve gained a disgusting amount of weight recently. Christmas Eve I was completely distressed to find that the pants I wore everyday last year in Vancouver were tight enough that I was slightly embarrassed to be wearing them. Because of the fact that I wear a variation of two outfits while I’m on the road most of the time I really hadn’t noticed the weight gain. So anyway I used my MEXX gift card to buy two new pairs of jeans and a new sweater. So after New Years it’s time to cut WAY back. Although my Sister and Mom keep telling me that I needed to gain the weight.

After we finished at MEXX we went to Orchard Park to check out the new GUESS store and were highly amused to find an enormous selection of the sluttiest clothing in the Valley. One “skirt” was so short the “pockets” that were sewn onto the back were all that would be covering the poor wearers ass. Even the model wearing the "skirt" in the giant picture (similar to the one shown) had her ass hanging out. I’m sorry I’m a great fan of fashion and I usually think that lunatics like Wifey just need something to rant about when they yap away about how demeaning advertising can be but I actually agree this time. Those ads have gone a little far. Now I’m not even going to suggest anyone else not shop there… but I won’t until the campaign changes.

After gawking at GUESS we went to Costco and bought a bunch of Costco sized packages of appetizers for the New Years party. Yummy!

This evening I went to The Barons for egg nog lattes (yeah I know nothing like kicking up the ol’ calorie count some more, hell I have new BIGGER jeans now why not) and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for a bit.

Onward and Upward

I’m struggling a bit the past two days because I’m in such a transitional place, neither here nor there.  I went and got most of the things that I’ll need for the next little while from The Barons today as I’m going to be house sitting for my parents next door neighbours for the month of January as well as being on the road.  The whole homeless theme I seem to be experiencing lately is really getting old.  I believe that once I do have a place of my own again I’m going to enjoy it just that much more because of the experiences I’ve had of late.  In case I sound ungrateful I do want to make it clear that I’m extremely grateful that I have been able to stay in The Barons beautiful home for so long and I’ve enjoyed it immensely.

Other things that I am thinking about of late are the usual ones that seem to often go through my mind; mainly the cruel fact that because of my constant travelling I have no unmarried friends here.  I’ve been extremely lucky that since moving back I seem to have had a steady stream of visitors from all over but I have not met any new people at all.  Not surprising when there’s no way to be involved in much when I’m away so much.  I suppose I’m just being extra hard on myself (as always) and as usual I really want the progress of life to hurry the hell up.  On the other hand I need to take my counsellors advice and start living in the present because when I start thinking to much about the future it makes me freak out and compounds whatever emotional turmoil I’m feeling.  

Having gone back and read my journal posts from this same week last year I remember how brutal things were and how much things have changed for the better.  So even though I don’t feel like I’ve made much progress and still feel like I’m in the same place as ever… I know that I’m not.  Better place, much less difficult, far greater hope.  Not a bad way to end 2005.

I don't know what to do. I've been at my parents for the past few days and have enjoyed being here. Now I'm thinking it's time to go home, to The Barons, but I wonder if there's a point cause I'm going to be house sitting for my parents neighbours starting on the 29th so...

There are a couple things that I could do today. I've been planning on going to see Narnia for a while and now I've got the opportunity to go with two different groups. I can either go as the 5th wheel with two couples... or I can go with my parents... yay. Given the circumstances I'm going to go with my parents.

Yesterday my CD shopping consisted of The Legend of Cash and a Natalie Merchant Greatest Hits compilation. Cash is an excellent collection of his greatest hits.

Well now I'm off to my other home to get my gym clothes so I can go play racketball with my Dad this morning. I think that I'll be moving back home tonight... but really who knows.

All the more reason to have a firewall!

Ugh, Still Full...

I’m still full!  Wow, last nights dinner was so incredible.  I don’t think that I’ve over-eaten like that in years.  The Baron makes sour-cream potatoes the likes of which I’ve never had before.  Not to mention my Mother’s turkey which was absolutely amazing.  

Now in the final few days before New Years I really have no plans and I’m very much going to try and keep it that way.  I’m super excited that Matthew and his Fiancé are coming to town for a visit and I’m also looking forward to the New Years party Lisa and I are putting on.  As I’ve complained about before it’s generally quite difficult to get people to commit to coming to a New Years party and this is turning out to be no different.  The best excuse so far was the one I received today “Hey KS, we can’t make it your party I got my wife pregnant so she can’t drink!  Pretty cool though huh?”  So obviously I’m not to upset about that.  Either way I’m sure we’re going to have a great time.

The weather in Vernon has been particularly unseasonable lately as well.  Christmas Day was 8C which caused many people to complain that it “didn’t feel like Christmas”.  Frankly I’m not one of those people.  Overall I’m really quite happy about the lack of snow aside from the fact that I’m riding around on $500 worth of snow tires!

As today is Boxing day, or rather the beginning of Boxing Week as most retailers are calling it now, I may go out and do a bit of shopping.  I’d received a gift certificate for the music store in the Vernon Mall so I’m thinking about going out and picking up a couple new CD’s.  Tomorrow I’m taking Raph’s brother to Kelowna so he can do his Christmas shopping (he was really sick before Christmas) and so I can buy some new clothes at the MEXX store with my Christmas gift certificate.  

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Best Christmas in years!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from Vernon!  We actually celebrated Christmas last night with a party.  Every year we go to my parents church’s Christmas Eve Candle Light service and then we come home and gorge ourselves on appetizers, fondue cheese, dessert and wine.  This year we made the addition of Spiced Rum Eggnog.  In attendance were a few family friends, my Uncle and Grandmother, The Baron, P. Dhillon, and two friends of my Sisters.  We ate like pigs, drank like fish and laughed like loons.  All in all an absolutely fantastic Christmas, perhaps one of the best in years! Today because Sister is working at Starbucks, Mom and Dad getting the turkey ready to go to The Barons, and I’m sitting around drinking wine and eating left over appetizers from last night.

This year, as always, I was spoiled (not quite rotten) by Santa.  I had asked for a set of pots and pans for Christmas (eventually I’ll actually need them) and was thrilled to open a full set of Alfred Sung Home pots and pans!  I love the fact that now I’ll be able to cook stylishly.  

Perhaps the best part of today has been talking to numerous friends all over the country.  It always amazes me how many people I know across this great country of ours.  I’m so beyond happy that my two globe trotting friends Matthew and Raph are finally back here with their respective significant others.  I’m really looking forward to spending time with them again soon.  

With the very best wishes I’m sending Christmas Greetings to all and I hope that 2006 brings the greatest of happiness!

Early Christmas!

Today is the day that our family is going to be celebrating Christmas.  Sister has to work at Starbucks tomorrow so we’re going to take the time and open gifts and such today.  This evening is the Christmas Eve candle light service at my parents church and it’s become our family tradition to return home after the service and have a fondue with a few friends.  I actually started the fondue tradition at our house a few years ago because our family really doesn’t have many traditions and it was time to start some.  It’s kind of morphed into one of our favourite holiday events now as a result of the fact that dipping appetizers into hot cheese pretty much sums up the evening.  Another thing that I do for this evening is ensure that there is a bottle of Quail’s Gate Gewürztraminer around.  I have been saving the last two bottles from my case of wine just for this occasion all year now and I’m really looking forward to drinking them (although I don’t really want to share… is that bad?).  If I don’t update after tonight it’s because my arteries have completely clogged and I’ve had a heart attack and died.  But know this!  I died happy!

Port & Tort

Got to spend the day with Raph yesterday and we had a grand time.  Whenever people in Vernon get bored, want to go out for dinner, need to be entertained in general they do the natural thing and drive the 40 minutes to Kelowna.  So Kelowna is where we ended up.  It had been quite a while since Raph had been wine tasting, and let’s face it it’d been a while for me to, so we spent some quality time running around to different wineries.  Returning from Kelowna we went to his Mother’s place and made an amazing meal of fresh pasta with a home made tomato and bacon sauce along with a Caesar salad.  The real star of the evening though was the perfect pairing of Port & Tort.  Raph had given me a beautiful bottle of Taylor Tawny Port which I more than happily shared with everyone.  All in all a fantastic evening.

:D

Feeling more like myself, details to come.

Emotions Suck

It’s weird, there are people home that I really want to see and spend time with but I just find it to be incredibly emotionally taxing.  Matthew called tonight and though I’ve been dying to talk to him I just wasn’t in the right place mentally to be able to have a conversation.  Same with Raphael when he’s around.  Why am I so stressed by this?  I’m just going to chalk it up to an insane amount of change again and a seeming inability to handle it right now.

Cell Phone Sister!

Oh, I went for lunch with my Sister today and I got all pissy with her when she answered her phone and chatted with her new fling for 5 minutes (at the table, mid-conversation).  It’s not that I care if she talks to the guy I’m just sick of how she won’t listen to me and everything’s always about her.  If it’s not for her or about her she just doesn’t seem to care.  After I told her off I didn’t even feel guilty about it but I don’t think that she even got the message.  We’ll see.

The Christmas Season

The Christmas season is generally hard on people.  I feel like the Christmas Season is out to get me.  I’m not sure what it is about Christmas but I think it’s all the happy expectations that people put on it that really doesn’t give this poor season a chance.  If it’s not that it’s seeing all the happy people who have each other.  I’m really doing my best to look at Christmas as a non-threatening entity but it’s been rather tough.  Today something just set me off and I really wish that it could all be over with.  That and I’d really like to just go to sleep (and never wake-up but that’s another issue altogether) and wake up when it was all over.  Sitting here right now and re-reading that I realize how incredibly selfish and pathetic that sounds but hey we can all dream can’t we?  

Bah, there are just a couple things that are really bugging me today and I think that I’m pretty tired to so that’s it.  Good night.

Last night turned out to be quite busy. I went down to Kelowna to go to a party the Beatiful one had asked me if I wanted to go to. I turned out to be a third wheel as she'd also invited "The boy who wants to be my boyfriend" well turned out that "The boy who wants to be my boyfriend" seems like a very nice albeit very quiet guy. Knowing that I was going into a potentially awkward situation, I was a third wheel attending a birthday party for someone I'd never met, at a restaurant, I decided to make the most of it. I have to say I was on fire! Funny at all the right times and engaging. It helps to have a repetoire of work related stories to tell. So overall I ended up really enjoying myself.

I'm really glad that I went for another reason as well. "The boy who wants to be my boyfriend" was all over the Beatiful Girl and she was really ok with it. So know I know for sure and without a doubt that the signals she's sending are totally not to be read the way I was reading them. She's on the rebound, which is totally understandable, and I don't want to be one of 'those' guys.

After I got back from Kelowna Raphael and Wifey were here at the house, as we'd arranged to drink copious amounts of wine. So Raph and I worked our way through two bottles and I just really enjoyed being able to spend time with them. Found out that Wifey has THE GREATEST phone sex voice so I'm getting her to record my next voice mail message for me!

Dragons Slain

After an almost euphoric start to the day because I was foolishly so enamoured with thoughts of where the events of last night could / can go I slowly started coming back to earth.  Discussing the whole ‘Beautiful girl situation’ with a girlfriend she very much made me aware of the fact that The Girl is probably on the rebound and is probably not looking at our situation the way that I am.  As frustrating as this is to me I recognize that it’s likely true and I’m somewhat resigned to that fact.  At the same time I’m questioning myself as to whether I’m just avoiding a situation because I’m scared of it (fear, always fear, what is it with me?).  What to do, what to do?

Overall I’m very happy I’m not in the same frame of mind I was last year on this date.  Actually I’m counting this as a major milestone that I don’t feel the same emptiness that used to be so prevalent in my life.  I’ve found so much more within me that keeps me strong.  I guess I have slain a number of dragons in the past year.

Raphael is home!

Raphael is home!  YAY!  So far I’ve seen him for 15 minutes, which sucks, though I’m sure eventually we’re going to be able to hook up.  It seems that the older we get the harder it is to spend any proper time together.  Could be because he keeps leaving the ducking country (stop doing that for God sake!), regardless I’m looking forward to spending some much needed time with him soon.

Even though I didn’t really get to see Raphael last night all was not lost.  I was out spending time with The Beautiful one.  She makes me so happy I’m still smiling.  For anyone who’s interested Walk the Line is a fantastic movie which I give two enthusiastic thumbs up to.  She’s been very busy with planning our New Years party and from the sounds of her initial plans it’s going to be awesome!  

It was brought to my attention that about a year ago I was working with an amazing little lady but I NEVER mentioned her in my blog.  Well just for the record Chris, this is your mention and I’ve never been so happy working with someone while in such a terrible situation.  You’re honestly absolutely amazing!

ARGH!

The girl situation is stressing me out!

Oh, I bought a pick sweater in Vancouver! Everyone is wearing pink this season and as luck would have it I had bought a pink, white and red striped collared shirt that goes phenomenally with it this spring! So consider this fair warning if I show up somewhere wearing a bubblegum pink cotton sweater :)

After crashing at my parents house this afternoon and sleeping for a few hours I've come back home and am working at getting my stuff unpacked and getting myself organized (yeah, right!).

Got two more letters from ICBC (the Government agency I love to hate second most, I hate the Medical Services Plan agency even more for various reasons) while I was gone. In it's usual typical contradictory fashion the two letters made no sense when read together. One began by thanking me for being a Valued Customer in big bold print, the other made no such mention of me being a Valued Customer and insisted that I pay X amount of $$$ to pay off my points. Which bring me to another thing. What the fuck is the deal with license points! If I pay the fucking speeding ticket in time and in full that should be the end of it! None of this 'Oooohhh, we've decided that we're going to fine you more money at the end of the year because you got more than one speeding ticket!' Fucking cash grab that's what I say! Just up the price of the speeding ticket so that it's all said and done all at once. Fucking ICBC! So there you have it folks, the first true rant in a long time. I'm only posting it because I think The Baron is quite sick of hearing me bitch about it. So now it's posted and I'm done. Well just about... FUCK YOU ICBC!

Vancouver Aftermath

After an incredibly tiring and super fun weekend I’m back home.  Vancouver was phenomenal as I got to see a large number of friends.  I stayed with Peter and Blake who live on Haro St. which is just behind Robson.  Talk about a fantastic place to stay when visiting.  Both Peter and Blake worked at different times throughout the weekend but we had a party on Saturday night that was well attended by my friends.  My friend May was planning on “just stopping by after work for about 20 mins” and finally left at 130 in the morning after.  Got to see a number of the few remaining awesome people from The Bay – Oakridge and spend time visiting and just enjoying being around them.  I was also really happy to finally spend some quality time with Marcie and she was amazing (as usual) and came to pick me up from Surrey on Saturday morning then took me to the airport this morning which was very much appreciated.

Arriving home this morning my Dad and I were talking on the way home about my trip and some of my feeling about being in Vancouver and leaving after such a short time.  I can honestly say that I am extremely thankful that I was able to go down and I had an absolute blast but I am happy that I live in the Valley.  The main thing about being down there is that it’s SO expensive.  That and it’s just SO tempting to get into shopping spree mode.  Aside from that though it’s just amazing to me how people down there seem so stressed.  Even while they’re playing they’re stressed.  True I bitch and whine about the Valley being to laid back all the time but the constant stress for no reason just isn’t worth it.

A final thought on my trip.  I realized just how many amazing friends I have down there.  All of you are so unique and amazing and I miss all of you frequently.  Thanks for being there and don’t forget the Okanagan is only a 4 hour drive!

*One more day ‘till Raphael gets home!

Finally Vancouver

Finally Vancouver, of course it was an ordeal getting here.  Not even going to bother getting into it.

So I went to buy my Sister’s Christmas present today and was going to get her a beautiful necklace that I spent about a $100 on.  Well as we continued to shop we went into another accessories store and THERE WAS A KNOCK OFF OF THE NECKLACE FOR $32!  I promptly took the necklace back and bought something else.  I was so angry though cause it was beautiful.  

Anyway have seen some friends already and will be seeing plenty more of them.  So far it’s been a good start to the weekend.

Have to say I’m happy not to be living here anymore though.

Is that... Curry?

I’m feeling pretty good.  I swear if it wasn’t -16 and I wasn’t in a hotel room there’d be a blue bird twittering on my shoulder (not that, that wouldn’t annoy the hell out of me effectively cancelling the good mood).  The end of Castlegar is in site.  In two sleeps I’ll be in Vancouver.

I’m really excited about The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe and I’m expecting to go and see it at some point with Raph and Wifey while they are back in Vernon (so if your reading this don’t you two dare go without me!).  Last time I saw a movie with those two was the final Lord of the Rings right before they up and moved to Holland.  

Today I had the rest of the Indian food for lunch and of course there is a bit of a story to go along with it.  As it’s -16 here and I had left the food in the cab of my truck overnight it was pretty cold by the time that I was ready for lunch today.  So not having a microwave I did what any normal person would do and placed the foam container full of fragrant food on the floor in front of my space heater.  Now as time went on and the heater slowly did its new job of warming my lunch the aroma of curry started to fill my truck.  So here I was, a really white, blond guy, sitting in a mobile office at Cominco in Trail, REEKING of curry!  Wouldn’t you know it the first guy to walk in at this point was East Indian!  Moments after a Caucasian man followed right on his heels and of course both of them can smell the curry but they can’t see the curry and why would a blond white boy have curry in his truck?  So the Caucasian thinks it’s the East Indian, the East Indian can’t figure out what the hell is going on and I just keep grinning like a fool.  All in all a very funny situation.

*I just talked to The Baron and I’m not in fact moving out for the month of December.  My current living arrangement will continue as is. *

The Indian Restaurant In Castlegar

The Indian Restaurant in Castlegar is fantastic (there’s a statement I never thought I would be making)!  After my 10 hour day today I scooched off to the restaurant and sample their food.  I’m very glad that I did.

So Edmonton has been cancelled.  Essentially I looked at my financial goals at this time and realized that a trip to Edmonton was not going to help me achieve them.  Thankfully the Beautiful Girl is ok with that and we’ve resumed our plans for a party at her place.

Throughout the day I think of various interesting things to write about but by the time I get back to the hotel I’m just to tired to remember what those interesting things were.  Sorry.

Meh

I am officially sick of Trail.  The job is going really slow which always makes it just about unbearable.  Thankfully I have my laptop with me and a supply of DVD’s.  In the past week I’ve watched about 7 movies.  Today I found out that the trip has been extended by yet another day which really irritates me because it means that my time in Vancouver will be cut short.

Killin' Time

As I sit here in my hotel room in Castlegar I’m bored and not enjoying the fact that I’m sitting in a hotel room in Castlegar.  So naturally I start thinking about a new job.  Surfing the net for jobs just sucks.  There is absolutely NOTHING out there that a) is of interest to me, b) is worth the money or c) I am qualified for.  Sure if I wanted to be a 7/11 retail clerk I’m sure I could do that but why in hell would I be looking for a job as a 7/11 clerk on the web!  Yeesh.

The Colander

My co-worker and I went to The Colander today for supper.  Result, I have a tummy full of yummy pasta, chicken, and jo-jo’s (fried potatoes).  My tummy is happy so I’m happy.

I’m getting tres excited for Vancouver.  It’s only for the weekend but damned if I ain’t gonna make the most of it.  Peter is having a party and told me to invite some friends so now I’m REALLY looking forward to it.

Tomorrow’s my day off (finally) so I’m looking forward to sleeping in and not doing much.  I’ll have to do some laundry and some truck maintenance but otherwise filling my time is the order of the day.  It’s -7C here and it’s supposed to get colder… frankly I’m scared (.

I’ve been reading a book of my Mother’s this week.  It’s called The New Birth Order Book and it’s actually surprisingly interesting.  For first-born’s, like me, it talks about how we often struggle with perfectionism.  Well being the first born or two intense first-borns with Serious perfectionism issues I am what is classified as a frustrated perfectionist.  Frustrated because I have all these ideas of what I “should be” but am not.  Now I just have to work on realizing that what I “should be” is insane and not realistic.  Be happy with who you are life is so much easier.

Hitting the... Trail!

I don’t know what it is about terribly old, run down buildings that fascinates me but I have a really strange feeling when I’m around them. At the moment it’s 630 on Saturday morning and I’m sitting at Teck Cominco in Trail.  Some of the buildings here are astonishing to look at.  Perhaps it is their pure defiance to old age and their insistence of being useful that gives them their aura, or most likely it’s the fact that many of them were build up to a hundred years ago out of brick and include lovely dormer windows and little details that are lost on most new buildings built for industrial sites.  Granted most people who come to and work at Cominco call the place an ugly shit hole but I believe there really is more to see it just happens to be under the surface.

I haven’t had the energy in the past few days to write.  By the time I get back to the hotel (which yes, does have wireless internet!) I’m completely exhausted.  We start our morning at 500 everyday and usually don’t get back to the hotel until about 630 that night.  Seems rather long and I assure you it is.

While pondering what my next career move is going to be I’ve been increasingly thinking about sales again.  Not specifically consumer sales mind you but rather sales from a supply end.  I’ve always known I’d be good at this but frankly the thought of being on commission terrifies me.  The ‘what ifs’ are absolutely staggering.  Just another dragon to be slain; of course the simple fact that I know this is just an irrational fear helps to take away the dragons claws… but his fire breathing capabilities are still more than capable.

I’m dying for a cup of Starbucks coffee!  Hell any decent coffee would do about now.  I don’t know why because I rarely if ever drink caffeinated coffee but I just love the taste.  So the simple fact that I’ve been craving Starbucks is a strange mystery to me.