Onward and Upward

I’m struggling a bit the past two days because I’m in such a transitional place, neither here nor there.  I went and got most of the things that I’ll need for the next little while from The Barons today as I’m going to be house sitting for my parents next door neighbours for the month of January as well as being on the road.  The whole homeless theme I seem to be experiencing lately is really getting old.  I believe that once I do have a place of my own again I’m going to enjoy it just that much more because of the experiences I’ve had of late.  In case I sound ungrateful I do want to make it clear that I’m extremely grateful that I have been able to stay in The Barons beautiful home for so long and I’ve enjoyed it immensely.

Other things that I am thinking about of late are the usual ones that seem to often go through my mind; mainly the cruel fact that because of my constant travelling I have no unmarried friends here.  I’ve been extremely lucky that since moving back I seem to have had a steady stream of visitors from all over but I have not met any new people at all.  Not surprising when there’s no way to be involved in much when I’m away so much.  I suppose I’m just being extra hard on myself (as always) and as usual I really want the progress of life to hurry the hell up.  On the other hand I need to take my counsellors advice and start living in the present because when I start thinking to much about the future it makes me freak out and compounds whatever emotional turmoil I’m feeling.  

Having gone back and read my journal posts from this same week last year I remember how brutal things were and how much things have changed for the better.  So even though I don’t feel like I’ve made much progress and still feel like I’m in the same place as ever… I know that I’m not.  Better place, much less difficult, far greater hope.  Not a bad way to end 2005.