When I was at home at Christmas my Father impressed upon me the importance of having a will. So because I'm all grown up and have 'assets' I called a lawyer today and made an appointment to have a will drawn up when I'm home in February. Now that I have the appointment I'm actually starting to think about this a little.

Unfortunately for those who end up being my beneficiaries, if I kick it, you're gonna have to wait for a long time and a major stock market correction before you're gonna be filthy rich. That said with some patience (like another 20 years or so) you will end up filthy rich.

So now I'm starting to think about who those beneficiaries should be and the thoughts running through my mind are somewhat surprising. The more I think about it the more I realize that my parents certainly don't need any of my money. The only logical person that would demonstrate need (at the moment anyway) would be Sister.

Here's where the mental road block comes up. Sister is busy 'following her dreams' and while that's admirable I feel that she's thrown away way to many opportunities. So by naming her sole beneficiary would I be contributing to her general directionless state? Of course I'm not planning on having anyone to have to use this will anytime soon but I think that's the point of the will isn't it? So of course this leads me to thinking about leaving her money with conditions on it, which pretty much blows but seriously I think that's about the only alternative. I suppose the only condition that would make sense is that she could have the money upon retirement age or something. That's what it's intended to do for me so I see no reason why that would be unreasonable for her.

A friend I was talking to about this said she'd likely leave a lot to charity. While I currently give to a number of charities, I again come to the conclusion that there's not one charity I feel strongly enough about to leave anything significant to.

I guess the question that makes me twist my mind the most is who'd get my car. The logical choice would be Raph and Wifey but I shudder to think of what she'd do to the stereo!

So anyway this is a lot to ponder and I'm kind of glad that I'm doing it because it just feels like the right thing to do. I suppose I'll just do what my parents said they did and leave everything to the Poodle. That'll make Dad really happy.




Current mood: Contemplative
Current music: Dangerous - Akon Featuring Kardinal Offishall

Well today turned out to be boring with one mildly interesting situation jammed in there for kicks. My Business Manager called me into his office to ask me which two of my three girls (one's still at the old site) I wanted to keep! Good Lord. While I was expecting this it's an uncomfortable situation to be put in that's for sure.

One of the girls is an absolute keeper. The other two may's well be the same person. This is unfortunate because honestly trying to decide which of them should go is almost impossible. They both have the same attributes, both good at their jobs and both somewhat snarky with attitude. I know there's no way they'd work well together (which doesn't seem to be an issue anyway) but God what a tough choice. I made my choice and I told him which one I would suggest (while also pointing out the alternative that moving me out of the department would open it up for someone else) but now I'm seriously thinking that I should have chosen the other one.

I'm going to sleep on it and talk to him again in the morning.



Current Mood: Strangely content
Current Music: With Or Without You - U2 (yeah, that's seriously what just came on iTunes, go figure)

I'm taking a break from working on my resume and cover letter for a position at a University in BC. I have applied for this position before and got shot down but this time I'm hoping there'll be a different outcome. Apparently the major holdout on my resume last time was fired and it's her job I'm gunning for.

Quite honestly I know I'm not completely 'qualified' for the position. Though it seems they have trouble keeping people who are 'qualified'! My ace in the hole though is my friend V who has been instrumental in getting me two previous jobs. She works for the University in the same position and is really, really pushing for me to get the job. The position is HR which is a field I am very interested in and feel I would do well in.

Things with my present company are going well but today I was sitting at my desk bored out of my mind. I couldn't even think of anymore mindless tasks to give my girls to keep them busy. This is a situation I keep running into again and again. I went to our Business Manager and told him I was bored and needed something for myself and the girls to do. So hopefully he'll have found something for us to do by tomorrow.

As I'd mentioned in a previous post I know this year is going to be one of major changes. I also know they're going to be good changes. So it'll be interesting to know what they actually look like. So if you wouldn't mind sending your prayers, positive energy or whatever it is you believe my way I'd appreciate it.


Current mood: Happy
Current music: 'Waiting for Yesterday' - David Archuleta

It's so cold out I spit and I swear it froze! Winter blows!

My experience with religion is such that I'm sure it really should make me run screaming at even the very mention of it. I've been spiritually abused, tortured in fact, to the extent that many years later I still hold much of the hurt.

Astoundingly I still find my mind directed towards the though patterns and longings that I experienced and felt during the heights (depths) of my religious period. As much as I hate the church I still feel that it holds answers for me. I don`t know if this is just a result of my upbringing, a result of a higher power consistently drawing me towards him or my Mother`s unfailing prayers but there`s something there. I just wish I would find answers that satisfied me. Something that didn`t cause more hurt but rather that lifted me out of it.



Current mood: Unsettled
Current music: Desperate, David Archuleta

I woke up on Jan. 2nd (my Birthday) completely convinced this year is going to be a year of big events. I'm not sure what kind but I know that this year is going to be filled with a lot of change. I'm looking forward to and anticipating all this with a great deal of excitement.

I just finished booking my first big trip of the year. This year District Meeting is in Austin, TX! So I'm heading there for three days of meetings during the day and non-stop partying at night. My friend M.K. and I are going to stay for one more night in Austin, just to check it out.

Then I'm flying Austin to Toronto, where I'm FINALLY going to get to meet Marcie and Frank's new baby! I'm SO EXCITED about this quick trip. I feel mildly bad for Marcie though because she's very, very worried that I'll be bored. I'm not really sure why she's so worried. I'm going to see her. I can entertain myself anywhere but I'm going to see her family and I really wouldn't bother if I didn't want to.

From Toronto I fly to Edmonton for Friday Feast with Raph and Wifey, then a night out with some other friends. Then Edmonton back to work the next day. It's gonna be a whirl wind but I'm happy about the fact I'll be able to hang with Raph and Wifey in Vernon mid-February.

So January starts off with a bang and a ton of Aeroplan miles. Can't go wrong there!

A little late but I thought I'd post my annual letter here.

Well here we are again. Another year draws to a close and I find myself sitting in my Sister's living room waiting for my friend Pavel to come pick me up for what will surely be a memorable evening in Vancouver.

Overall 2008 has been so different than last year. Yet, I'm sure, many of you are completely sick of hearing me whine about how nothing ever changes in my life. Thinking of this it's kind of ironic that I'm in Vancouver waiting for Pavel again this year when last year was the same thing. I'll comfort myself with the knowledge that Sister moved to a new apartment across the street from last year's living room so things aren't exactly the same. I digress...

This year I've had so many memorable events occur it's hard to even remember all of them. In the past year I've been to Houston, Toronto, Ottawa, Moscow, Paris, London, Edmonton, Calgary, Vancouver, Puerto Vallarta and all sorts of other places in Western Canada. I suppose the significance of all this traveling is that with each destination I got to see one or more of you.

Events of major significance, in no particular order include:

• Our family grew again with the adoption of the super Ms. Sadie, Mom's accomplice in driving Dad crazy.
  
• Marcie and Frank had and incredibly beautiful baby girl named Ava. I'm desperately trying to figure out how to get back to Toronto to meet my new 'Niece'.
• I made it to our Nations Capital to visit K.I. and just loved the whole experience.
  
• I paid off my car!
  
• N.M. came to Vancouver for her first ever trip to BC. We danced, we fell, we saw. It was a GREAT time.
• Sister performed in a musical to which people from all over Western Canada flocked to see.
• Dad and I went to Europe. I fell in love with Paris and Dad fell in love with French baking, French chocolate, French coffee, etc...
  
• One of the most memorable and fun wine festivals ever thanks to my awesome guests.
• My entire family saw MADONNA in Vancouver!!!
• Halloween mayhem in Vancouver with Peter and his boyfriend!
  
• Janet and K got married in Mexico in perhaps one of the most beautiful wedding ceremonies I've ever attended. Jamie even relented and kept her promise that I'd be her MC. I almost cried when I saw her walk down that aisle! Such a gorgeous bride.
  
• I got transferred from site in Fort McMurray to Calgary.
• I got transferred from Calgary to another site out of Fort McMurray a day after the first transfer.
• I restaked my claim on Raph and Wifey's guest bedroom in Edmonton (I fear I'm going to lose it to The Baron again soon though).
• My friends K.M-N and B.N. got married and are now expecting their first baby. I'm hoping he'll (my guess that it's a he) arrive on THE 2nd of Jan.

Ok, I'll stop with those events because I've got WAY to many more.

All in all this year has been pretty fantastic. Again I just want to thank all of you for being part of all these memorable events. I'm so incredibly blessed to have you as a part of my life and I can't wait to see you again soon. If you're ever bored hit me up and I'll make some plans to come and help shake things up for you.

Take care my friends, I love you all very much.

KS

Well Mexico went well. J's married off and I got some truely phenomenal pictures. Yet another wedding to add to my ever expanding collection of wedding photo's.

Tomorrow at the ungodly hour of 4:20AM I leave site to go home for Christmas. I'm looking forward to it in a way as I'm ready for a break. Yeah, I know I don't know what I'm going to do when I ever have a 'normal' job where I have to work more than 4 days between holidays. Although to be fair I did work a little over 40 hours in the last four days.
Overall I think I'm ready for the emotional onslaught that tends to be Christmas. At first I thought that I would go stay with The Baron but I've decided that as I'm going to Vancouver for about a week after Christmas I would be better off just staying put in at least one house for the holidays.

As far as I know I've got everything arranged for all the people I take care of to get home tomorrow. So as long as the weather in Toronto holds we should be good. My third year as a Travel Rock Star and it's definetely getting easier. Here's hoping I'm not doing it again next year.

Well now it's off to bed so I don't miss my ride to the airport tomorrow.

I'm trying really hard to be grateful and thankful right now about a number of things. Now as my friend Pavel said to me the other night 'I wish I had your problems'. Here are the two main problems that are irritating me at the moment, in no particular order:

• A job that bores the living shit out of me but pays me an obscene amount of money while also housing, feeding and paying for travel.
• A 'forced' trip to Mexico where I am involved in one of my good friends wedding's

The job thing has been ongoing and I'm trying to look at it as something that I should just shut the fuck up about because a lot of my friends are either out of work or are really struggling. I just can't help but feel like I'm being held back. I was brought in to fix an 'unmanageable' department and low and behold four days later I've got it cleaned up and I'm bored out of my mind. Hopefully this will be a good thing for the ol' career. I suppose until I know on that one I'll just have to keep doing it and perfecting my online shopping skills. On that note I got Sister a wicked Christmas gift today!

The Mexico thing I'm just cranky about because it's another fucking wedding that I'm going to alone. This one just charged a single supplement for me to have the privilege of feeling like a loser.

On the plus side of life though, I got tickets to the Britney Spears concert in Edmonton that I'm really excited about. Five of us are going and I'm really looking forward to it. It's in April but whatever! Can't wait!

Reading this blog I'm somewhat disturbed to see how little life has changed for me. I'm sitting in a camp room that is almost identical to the one that I originally settled myself into almost three years ago. True things have changed for the better in just about every way since then, I'm now the boss of my department, I'm making almost double what I was, I've been with my present company for just about two years, I have the trust and respect of my Managers, I've paid off my debts and have/had lots of savings (thanks economic crisis).

Yeah, the future looks, if not bright, tolerable. True I was lied to by my company to get me to come to my current location but they gave me what they thought an insurmountable task and I've completed it in less than 4 days. They can't believe how quick I turned this struggling department around. Hell even I'm a little shocked. So this will be good for my career in the long run. In the short term I'll satisfy myself with the knowledge that it'll be good for my bank account.

In exactly one weeks time I'll be jetting off to Mexico for J's wedding! While I've been bitching and moaning about this trip forever (going alone to another wedding, especially one where I was financially penalized for going alone) I'm actually starting to look forward to it now. I think it's more the prospect of laying around in the sun drinking for a week straight than anything that's making me happy.

I'm glad that I decided to come here tonight and reflect a bit. I do leave disturbed at how much things have stayed the same though...

I'm laying in bed in Edmonton reflecting on the last 9 days. They've been good days. I have really enjoyed this turnaround. I started it off with an overnight visit in Edmonton before I jetted off to Toronto last Friday. I spent two days with a VERY pregnant Marcie and Frank. I honestly think this marked the first time that I've ever been consistently out-eaten by a friend. Overall Toronto was very relaxed which was good because I arrived there when the biggest snow storm of the year was just starting.

Monday I boarded Via rail at Union Station and took a very enjoyable trip to Ottawa where my friend Kim picked me up. She's lived in Ottawa for five years now and is very successful in her career with the Federal Government. I spent the first day there on my own so decided to check out the National Gallery where I was more amazed by the amazing building it's housed in than by the actual collections. After that I made my way over to the Chateau Laurier and enjoyed a cup of tea and some soup while I waited for Kim to get off work and meet me for dinner. We went for an amazing Italian dinner and just spent time catching up on the past number of years.

Next day Kim was able to take a flex day and we went to the Parliament buildings, which were incredibly beautiful, and to Rideau Hall which was closed but was impressive none-the-less. That night we had an awesome meal at The Keg with her boyfriend, whom she's having a house built with, and called it an early night.

The next morning I was on a West Jet flight at 730 bound back for Edmonton where I've spent the last few days with Raph and Wifey. Also went out partying with my buddy J. Took him to his first gay club where of course he ran into one of his ex-girlfriends! Entirely entertaining.

Tonight I'm heading back for work where I do the regular thing for another 20 days then I'm going home for the first time since a couple days in January. I'm hoping that I'll be able to talk my Boss into letting me switch my schedule from a 20&8 to a 15&6 soon. Having done 20&8's for the last 2 years now have pretty much been killing me.

One final point of note. During Wifey's birthday celebration the other night my former boss (little boss from my last company) called me asking me if I'd be interested in a new job. The fact that he was calling me blew me away because seriously we clashed like crazy! After listening to his proposal I declined as I'm really quite happy with my current company and am hoping to have at least another few years with them on my resume. I sincerely thanked him for thinking of me and hung up the phone. Interesting how life works sometimes isn't it.

I learned something today. If you really want to seriously piss off your Father... buy your Mother a dog! Somehow I inadvertently ended up buying an adorable 6 month old Silver poodle for my Mother.

Mother is over the moon with excitement and said she probably won't sleep tonight. My Father , on the other hand, threatened to set my car on fire! He's not thrilled. It's a good thing I don't go home until April!

Currently her name is Sadie (which will be changing), she'll be getting a hair-cut and the barrette in her hair will be long gone too; but here's a first peek at the newest addition to our family.

So this morning my Boss asked me if I wanted to run the payroll department. He then went on about how it would be a promotion and would be good for my career. I told him that I would think about it and let him know tomorrow.

I then went back to my office and proceeded to stress out about it all day. Thing is I have ZERO desire to take over the payroll department. The position doesn't play to my strengths in any way and frankly I can think of few positions that would bore me faster. I wouldn't mind learning the position but to be stuck there responsible for it for the next 6 months or more wouldn't make any sense. So tomorrow I'm going to decline the position and cross my fingers that something better suited to me will come along soon.

I had a mild revelation tonight. While I was laying in bed being frustrated with life in general I realized that I'm really no different than any of the other people here. My company is full of talented young people. We're all on somewhat the same level and while some of us are in more stressful positions than others we're essentially all in the same place.

All of us want to move onward and upward. All of us are stuck here far from friends and family. All of us are tired and run down.

Essentially we're in our late 20's and the game of life is starting to get a little scary. I know I'm not the only one that's thinking maybe I should go back to school. Did I make the right choice in choosing the "career" path that I have? Are the sacrifices now really worth it? What will come of this path I've chosen? These are the things that torment me on a day to day basis but in some small way tonight I'm comforted by the realization that I'm definitely not the only one.

I think having the patience to wait on life and see what it's going to bring you; while also aggressively pursuing the things you want is a very delicate balancing act. Learning to live with that balancing act is the real trick.

I have had an awesome day. Started off this morning with lunch with one of my best friend's from high school L. She moved here from Edmonton quite some time ago and works in the area where my Sister lives. After a good bit of catching up she went back to work.

I on the other hand met up with someone and went on a date. Went for coffee, wandered around Coal Harbour talked. It was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed myself.

After that I met up with my new (old) best friend who I'm going to refer to here as 'G'. We went out for a superb dinner of Italian food and then met up with my friend Chris and her BF for dessert. The whole evening was superb. Awesome conversation, amazing food and really good friends. Now I'm sitting here waiting for Sister to come home from one of the many dates she's had this week. There hasn't been one night that I've been in bed before 1AM since I've been here. I'll be glad to be back in my reality soon enough but until then I'm enjoying the fun.

Well I'm in Vancouver and as usual things are pretty good. I spent the weekend in a drunken stupor with new (old) friends and had a great time. Now I'm thinking it's time to just kick back and relax.

It's weird actually. Whenever I come to Vancouver a few days into it I start to think it's really time to go. My brain starts to repeat old patterns and my emotions take a huge hit. I saw my counselor yesterday which was good but as usual the emotions are swirling still. Gonna take a bit before I get this figured out.

My computer says that it's -39C in Fort McMurray. Unfortunately I know that it's colder where I am as it's ALWAYS 5 degree colder! Fuck.

Well I'm back from my two day whirl-wind trip to Houston, TX! Every year the company puts on a District Meeting that is compulsory for all employees to attend. As I'm mentioned before this company is extremely large and they take care of their employees like I've never seen before.

For example, this meeting probably cost the company well over a million dollars. Word going round is that the hotel facilities alone were just under a million (including food, lodgings, conference facilities). Adding to that the cost of getting 330 some employees and guests from all over North America to Houston... well you can see where the Million dollar number comes from. I have honestly never been to a function that was more lavish.

I actually learned a lot during the meetings and I am considering the whole affair as somewhat of a success. The reason I'm considering it a success is because I purposely set out to find the most influential people who could help me in my quest to find a long term career with this company and I just chatted them up.

Well long story short they all seemed to think that Business Development could be a very good place for me. Business Development is essentially the marketing arm of the company. They're the one the company depends on to find us clients that need us to build them things. So essentially winning and dinning! I'm going to be setting up meetings with one of my Managers when he's back on site this week to discuss that the steps are in this. I talked to him briefly at one of the parties this week (just to get him thinking about it) and he's pretty excited about the prospect for me as well.

I'm happy to have a direction in which to work.

So today was an incredibly bizarre and terribly exciting day at the same time. Wierdly I'm living vicariously through Sister for this one. I'd been harassing Pavel for some time now to take her out for a an evening of fun. Well he finally did the other night and from the sounds of it they had an amazing time. They started off the evening at the infamous 1181 and then went to a drag show at The Majestic. While at the drag show they ended up sitting with a random assortment of guys at a table. Well Sister starts talking to one of them and wouldn't you know it he's from Vernon. So of course they start that old Okanagan game of 'do I know you?' Sure enough they went to the same elementary school. Then realizing they were a 3 or 4 years apart in age Sister says well maybe you know my Brother. Turns out the random she met at a Tranny show was my best friend in Elementary school! CRAZY!

This morning not knowing about anything she had been up to the night before I checked my e-mail only to get an e-mail from Facebook saying that buddy had sent me a message. Well I was totally excited because I'd thought about him randomly for years and had even half-heartedly tried to find him when I lived at the Coast a number of years ago. So we ended up chatting on MSN just about all day today and we're planning on meeting when I'm down there the weekend of Feb. 7th (Matthew this is your notice that I'm coming to town. You need to come hang out). So I'm SUPER excited because one of the first people I ever considered a "best friend" is now possibly back in my life. Will keep everyone updated on the happenings of this.

In other news I'm feeling terribly unsuccessful at the moment. I'm going to start looking in the company's MBA sponsorship programs. If the company wants to pay for me to get an MBA or something I'm going to let them.

One of my girls in the office and I are going to start going to the gym tomorrow morning at the ungodly hour of 445AM so I'm going to watch some TV and go to bed now.

Night!


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Now playing: Madonna - This Used To Be My Playground
via FoxyTunes

I am SO tired it's ridiculous. I wish I could take Wifey's advice and take tomorrow and just sleep. I am looking forward to having a couple days off this coming week. Being home with no parents or distractions will be nice. I have a limited number of things that I have to do so I'm not going to be busy at all. I think the rest will be nice.

The few plans I have for my days off include going to Kal or Ellison park. I missed going to Ellison this year on New Years Day and somewhat regret it. I've also decided that I may have Raph's Mother and Step-father over for dinner as they often have me. I've also decided that it's time to watch Terminator as I've never seen it and figure that it could likely be a good way to waste some time. Yes, those are my plans and I plan on sticking to them!

I've been back at site for five days and things are busy. I'm sure if it's just because of all the craziness that went on in December or if it's just that it's January; but I'm having a bit of a hard time. Things are great and compared to the mess that I've been this month in years past I'm on top of the world. Thing is the thought of "I'm lonely" keeps winding it's way through my head.

Mentally I think I'm holding up pretty well. The last few weeks saw Christmas, a wedding, New Years and my 28th Birthday. Even if you aren't a part-time emotional wreck I think that combination would be hard to take. So I soldier on and keep looking forward to what's coming next.

One thing that I do know is coming next is one of "my girls" in the office is quitting. She hasn't informed me of this yet but she told my Boss, who told me. I'm sad to see her go as she's beyond excellent. I'm more scared of who I'm going to get thrown at me next. The hope that I've been carrying around with me that I'll be transferred out of here soonish rather than later don't look like they're going to bear any fruit with this new development. As my parents always say "God's timing is perfect" so I know that something will happen when it's supposed to. As usual things aren't happening fast enough for me and I always feel like I should further ahead in life's journey than I am now. All in due time.

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Now playing: k.d. lang - A Case of You
via FoxyTunes

Well it's almost over and done with. I think I'm going to look back at 2007 as one of those years that was entirely unremarkable and yet incredibly markable in so many ways.

I'm working on my second year in Fort McMurray and over all things have gone really well. I moved from Universal Aviation to my present company in April and it's been no where but up since. Aside from all the stress and an unpredictable boss I'm throughly enjoying my present company. I've been insanely lucky to get the team I currently have as 'my girls' are both super fun to work with and extremely good at their respective aspects of our job. The company treats their employees amazingly and I'm hoping to stay with the company for at least 2 to 5 years.

This summer my best friend J bought a house in Rutland, Raph and Wifey bought a condo in Edmonton, Sister moved to a place in Vancouver's West End and Marcia and Frank moved to Toronto. I almost bought a condo in downtown Kelowna but at the last moment decided it made more sense to remain homeless as all the people mentioned above now have lots of room and don't charge rent!

This year has been one of many memorable parties with all sort of friends. There was Matthew's super fun wedding this summer where I was given the honour of MCíng. Marcia
and I had a 'last Vancouver hurrah' together with my friend Pavel'. J and I had our "last" wine festival in Penticton. More parties in camp than I can possibly count (or remember). Time with Johnny in Edmonton and capping it all off Raph's younger brothers wedding a few days ago in Victoria. Yes, this year has seen lots of great times with friends.

I think it is possible that the most notable event this year though was the passing of my Great Uncle Frank. He was possibly one of the greatest men our family will ever have the privilege of calling our own. I learned more from him about how to treat other people and how to be a true gentleman than anyone in my life. I haven't been to Calgary for any length of time since his passing but even when I'm passing through on my way back to the Valley or wherever the city just doesn't feel the same. He will forever be missed and remembered.

This year was also notable in that I had two of the most amazing vacations I've ever had in my life. In November my friend M and I went to the Dominican and in December my friend N and I went to Las Vegas! Both vacations were beyond incredible because of the facilities we were privileged to stay in as well as the insanely gorgeous, intelligent and fabulous women I was lucky enough to have travel with me. I'm sure I'll remember these trips for a long time.

Wrapping up it's clear to me that 2007 was the year of friends and family. Every event of memory involved one or more of you, my friends and family and it's honestly because of you that everything was so amazing. I count my blessings and pray for each of you that you will be as lucky as I am. I value and treasure your place in my life more than you can possibly imagine!

Now I'm off with Pavel to ring in the New Year. Everyone stay safe and have fun. I'll see you soon!

Love,

KS

We traveled together wonderfully. You're everything a man could ever want. You pushed me to go places and do things I never thought I would. I learned a lot from you. Now it's over.

Despite the fact that as you put it "we were so great as friends, I think we should stay that way" it's just not going to happen. You see I'm not emotionally strong enough to do that. It hurts to be around you. The way you just went back to the way things were, seemingly without a thought, I can't do that. Not this time. My mind is too wrapped up in the things that could have been. Now they're to wrapped up in the things that I know never could have been.

Face it, we were in this journey together for completely different reasons. We want absolutely different things out of life. Our moral compasses point in completely opposite directions, they're just incompatible. Our journey's lead in different directions

The journey would have been amazing and having you would have made me the proudest, not to mention the most envied, man around but...

I'm done.

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Now playing: Jordan Sparks - Tattoo
via FoxyTunes

I think that I'm sort of crashing a bit now from all the excitement of the past week. I've finally started to catch up with my sleep that I missed and I think that going to bed early again tonight will help. The emotions I'm feeling tonight are a mixture of depression brought on by being tired and loneliness. I'm really struggling with the perceptions that people have. Who do I think I am and why does it matter what people think. The eternal question.

All I have to say is that the Dominican Republic, specifically Punta Cana is amazing. We had a phenomenal time and I got certification for Scuba.

When I got back I bought a new lap top which as I get it closer to how I want it configured I'm enjoying more and more. All in all everything's good.

Holy Hell have I been busy. Tonight we carved pumpkins in the warehouse at work! It's been years since I carved pumpkins. Mine look like they were kicked in the face but my friend K's look awesome.

We're having a big Halloween bonfire at camp on Saturday night and as usual everyone's going to get tanked. The difference from a regular Saturday night though is that this time people are going to be dressed up while they're getting tanked.

Did I mention that I'm going to the Dominican in less than a week! Yep, we leave for the Dominican on the 31st and I could not be more excited. By total fluke one of the lady's that works at one of the lodges we deal with went to the exact resort that we're going to not even two weeks ago. She sent me some pictures and told me that we're going to love it. By the looks of the pictures I'm absolutely going to love it. We even saw a massage table on the beach. So as long as the natives don't mistake me for a beached white whale and try throw me back into the ocean we'll be fine!

I think that large construction companies attract a certain type of personality. Now I know what you're thinking... and you're probably right I do fit right in. That said dealing with that many strong personalities everyday is extremely challenging. I think that of all the skills I've gained while working up here learning to deal with those personalities is one of the most valuable lessons I've gained. Now as long as I can continue learning to deal with them by keeping them at arms length so they don't rattle me as much as they can I'll be doing fine.

Yesterday was possibly one of the most insane day's I've had in a long time. I had arrived back at site on Wednesday night (yes, just in time for steak night!), unpacked, watched some TV and went to bed. The next morning the shit show began.

I walked into my office and found a note from one of my girls that she would not be in until later in the afternoon as she had a Doctors appointment. No big deal. I then looked at my desk, or where I had left my desk, and all I could see was a large crested mountain of paper. My heart sank and I stood staring. Many deep breaths later I tried to get to work. The sheer volume of it all was insanely overwhelming. Had I not just been on a 10 day vacation I think I would have cried. I continued on working for about an hour and the sheer amount of work finally just got to me and I went down to my Boss's office and told him we needed to have a chat. He promised to be down in an hour before he left for his days off. An hour and a half later I went down the hall and reminded him that I was still in my office waiting.

Back in the office I continued working and getting myself more and more worked up. By the time my Boss walked in I'd had it. I let loose. How was I expected to run two departments with no Staff (one of my three girls had just been commandeered for another department) and insane expectations? There is no way I'm taking the fall for anything that happened in the future that I wasn't able to get done now because of their short sightedness. I went on and on. The essential theme of my rant was that I felt totally betrayed and let down by Management because I feel like I'm drowning and they're throwing buckets of water on me.

Boss sat looking at me frothing and said. We're not that kind of company. We know you're working extremely hard and we'll back you all the way if there are any problems. I was going to do my performance evaluation of you when I get back but be assured there is absolutely nothing wrong with anything you're doing. Then Boss's boss walked into the room said "Welcome back" looked at Boss and said did you tell him yet? Boss said no. Big Boss disappeared and comes back a few moments later with a piece of paper that he gave to me with the following words. "We'd like to inform you that you've been given a raise and your position title has been changed from Administraitive Assistant (I had no idea that's what it was) to Assistant Business Manager!" Well I tell you I was stunned.

The raise was so small it's almost an insult, but both Bosses made a big deal over the fact that this was a mid-year raise and is very rare in the company. Considering I had no idea what my job title in the company was getting the new one doesn't make any difference at all either... but the recognition of the fact that I'm working my ass off is nice. It's still not going to keep me from keeping my ears open for a job in the real world but it does mean I'll be a little calmer as a result of the fact that I know I'm pretty safe at the moment.

I may be getting a new job soon. I sent in my application today to a friend that has got me two previous jobs. I'm looking forward to the possibility here and hope that things go well. I'll update everyone on it when I get a chance.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tonight was the most exciting night in camp. Steak Night! Oh how I love steak night. One of the things I will absolutely miss about this place someday...

Things in the office are fucking insane. The crazy Manager decided to take one of my girls away so now there's just three of us taking care of over 800 people. I can't even describe the feeling on that. I'm really frustrated because of all the insane things that are going on to. Management doesn't seem to want to listen to me and yet they don't bother me either. No support at all. Essentially as long as I keep holding things together they'll leave me alone and let me do my own thing, which I like but there's a point where it's getting to be a little bit much...

Can't wait to get out of here... as usual. Going to Vancouver for a few days this time, hoping to see Matthew and L. Then it's back for Wine Festival! Whooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I talked with our Big Boss today about what he thought I should do about the survey that was sent out. He suggested that I put my first choice down as the Corporate Office in Calgary, then Edmonton, then a camp. He told me that he figured I'd do really well in contracts or estimating which is awesome because I'd been planning on putting those two fields down as my interests anyway. The only downside of the whole thing is that I won't be making the crazy money I'm making in camp if I go to a city. Good thing I've always been here for the experience not the money.

Got a thought provoking e-mail today from the company. Essentially they were asking what our preference was once our current job wrapped up. Do we want to work in the Calgary head office, the Edmonton yard or in another camp situation? Even though I'm sure I'll be on my current site for another couple months I've got to make this decision and get my response back to them by the beginning of next month. Ugh!

It's been an interesting couple of days. My department is being audited and it's finally coming to an end. Essentially everything is good and we're rockin' things. Yesterday the guy doing the audit had me wound right out though because he was asking questions that made no sense and was "giving me advice" on how I should be doing my job. For some reason I was doubting myself and he had me so upset that I was at the point where I was thinking I was going to be fired. So eventually I went to his office, which he shares with our Assistant Business Manager, where I was asking some questions about the audit. The Assistant Business Manager heard what I was asking and his responses and blew-up. She FREAKED on him for "being stupid" then she got up, marched down the hall, me trailing behind, and we went back to my office where we went over the audit. Turns out that his audit didn't understand what we do on a daily basis so I had nothing to worry about.

As I was so stressed out from my day and it was our regular Saturday camp fire night I proceeded to get excessively drunk. First time I've done that with this company. It was exactly what I needed. Today was calm and quiet.

Thursday night my friend M and I bought tickets to an all inclusive in the Dominican Republic for November. I'm really excited as this will be my first Southern trip. Looking forward to November!

So the Tooth Fairy is getting her revenge on me for having a Dentist extract my wisdom teeth and not leaving them for her to collect. Well that Bitch is doing a great job of making me uncomfortable. Up until yesterday everything with the surgery had been fine. Then two days ago the sutures started to dissolve and ever since then I've been fighting the battle of the ever swelling gums. Ouch. I went to the clinic today actually because I was worried that my gums had somehow got an infection. The nurse figured that they weren't infected but wanted me to go to the Dentist tomorrow if possible. Well I don't think that's going to be possible so I'll see how the rest of this week goes and if things aren't better I'm flying home for a Dentist appointment.

After the nasty surprise that was my fat pants fitting I broke out the new running shoes last night and went for a run. Then just for good measure I got up this morning and ran again. Tomorrow morning I'll be doing the same. For some reason there's a number of sick individuals who get up to go running here every morning or so, so I make sure to make plans to meet the next morning so I don't just stay in bed. So we'll see how long I can handle this running thing before my knees or my sanity gives out.

I think I almost had a Britney moment today... I'm so tightly wound and frustrated that while I'm getting a hair-cut I wanted to tell the woman just just gimme a buzz cut. Thank God I just told her to cut it short and spike it! Either way I think that maybe I should have just gone with the buzz cut. Maybe next turnaround.

So feeling yucky I couldn't figure out how to get rid of the nastiness that was surrounding me so I decided to go shopping. $400 plus a hair-cut later I felt better but am thinking that shopping's probably not the best way to make myself feel better. Maybe I should look into this...

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Now playing: Britney Spears - Gimme More
via FoxyTunes

The weather here is phenomenal. That perfect blend of warmth with a crispness to the air. Warm enough for short sleeves but pants are recommended. My favorite time of year.

Early Wednesday morning I had my wisdom teeth taken out. Every time you hear stories about people getting their wisdom teeth out they tend towards the horror genre. I'm happy to say that aside from a little discomfort and puffiness I'm doing fine. Unfortunately/fortunately the only real issue I've had so far is the inability to eat.

That noted I got a nasty surprise this morning when I went through my closet trying to figure out what jeans to take back to work with me. Of the 6 pairs that I tried on only one pair fit! Those of course being a pair that I hadn't worn for years because they were to big. I suppose the good news is that I kept them this time and didn't purge them with the rest of my "fat clothes" when I lost the weight. Now it's time to seriously start working on losing the weight again.

In other news Sister hopped in her car this morning and drove down to Vancouver to attempt to start her new life at the coast. I wish her the best of luck.

Forgot to mention that last night I went to the weekly campfire (a company tradition where everyone goes and gets drunk by a fire). I didn't drink but I certainly did laugh. Lots of very funny people working for this company. I took a friend from another company that I used to work for and she had a great time. As I walked her back to her truck she said "jeeze, I need to get hired with this group". I took that to mean she had a good time.

Why is it that people are always surprised when it rains on Labour Day? While it hasn't started to rain yet there are large black clouds in the sky and the forecast for tomorrow indicates it will in fact rain. Again I ask, why are people surprised? I've always figured that it's God's way of showing his displeasure over organized labour (I'm joking... honest...)!

Anyway today was a fairly interesting day. This morning when we came in we found an e-mail from our Business Manager stating that we (the Business group) were to have lunch with the Vice-President of the company! Now if you don't know what company I work for that probably doesn't sound like a big deal but this was. In the entire company which has 27 or so districts and spans North America there are only two people above this Vice-President. So the fact that we got to have pizza with him in the board room and talk for almost 3 and a half hours was pretty cool. He's often on our site so it was nice to actually have got to know him a little bit. Learning a little bit more about the job we're on, the next ones coming and the future of the company, as well as our place in it, was fairly impressive.

After our meeting I had a quick sit-down with my Manager and discussed the possibility of moving one of my girls on to something else. She's far to intelligent for the job I have her doing and her interest level has dropped significantly. It's become a problem to the point that she's getting sloppy. Manager is going to talk to her on Tuesday about permanently moving to another department and then we'll hire someone new for me. I hope everything works out as intended.

I'm getting ready to head home Tuesday night. As usual I'm not really looking forward to going home all that much and this time even that much less as I've scheduled having my wisdom teeth pulled on Wednesday morning. Then because I figured I won't be doing anything while home this time I've decided to come back up here 3 days early to cover a vacation one of my girls wanted to take. That way I keep telling myself I'll take some extra days in October.

I bought my tickets to wine festival the other night so that is something to look forward to in October. My friend M and I are planning a vacation in November to someplace warm. I'm looking forward to that a lot as I've never been any place tropical. Now we've just got to figure out where we're going. :)

Well as it was a usual Wednesday at JC it was steak night. This time to add a twist a bunch of us got our food to go, grabbed a few bottles of wine and set up in one of the common rooms. There we ate, drank and watched a movie. Great time had by all.

I don't know what's wrong with me but something is up. I'm feeling totally discouraged with life in general right now. It seems as though there's very little celebrate or enjoy lately. Work is brutal, we're extraordinarily busy and curves keep getting thrown at us. Almost all of the things making my life miserable are completely uncontrollable and so I keep hearing my father's voice telling me not to sweat it because there's nothing I can do about it anyway. Easier said than done when you're running a department that over 700 people depend on for travel and housing. If someone comes in and doesn't have a room it's a big problem.

I'm really wondering if the experience I'm gaining here is actually worth it? Where will I be able to go after I'm finished here? I need to hang in here for at least another 7 month's, which will bring me to a year's experience, but if things continue as they are now I'll lose my mind. Not to mention my physical and emotional health.

As usual the feeling that I'm missing out on whatever "life" is weights heavily on me as well. I know I've got it good here and I really shouldn't be bitching about things because I am getting good experience and making pretty reasonable money but where will it all leave me?

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Now playing: Darren Hayes - Unlovable (Accoustic)
via FoxyTunes

I got into Edmonton yesterday and I've been enjoying the relaxed hospitality of Raph and Wifey. Truly a great way to end a somewhat stressful turnaround before I head into the next rotation starting tomorrow.

While I was out this time I finally got around to purchasing a yoga mat and I'm planning on making use of it. Hopefully I'll be able to regain some flexibility that I haven't had for a really long time. I'm also frantically trying to think of ways to lose some weight as my jeans are all getting a little too tight. Maybe if I lay off on the cheese cake...

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Now playing: Joss Stone - Headturner
via FoxyTunes

Last night while I was at The Baron's watching a movie our family dog lunged at Sister's face. He was sitting on my Mother's lap and I guess she just got to close. She was rushed to the ER for stitches and we're going to have the dog put down this afternoon. I'm hoping that as these things seem to come in three's that this is the end of it.

I have to admit, I didn't intend for my absence on here to be this long. Life has a way of jumping up and beating the living hell out of me which leaves me so tired by the end of most days it's all I can do to sit and watch tv.

I'm back at home in the Okanagan right now and things are pretty much as they always will be. The dog's getting older, my parents are losening up more and more everyday and I'm getting fatter. Yes, life continues on it's merry trundle. There are two notable things about this turnaround though. Sister brought a boy home from camp and Harry Potter has been consuming the majority of my time.

First off Sister's new "friend" is nice but not someone I can see her staying with. Nothing against Iron Workers at all but the thought of him sitting in an arts performance just makes me roll my eyes. Secondly Harry Potter's new book is exceptional. I've been trying to read quickly and take my time with this one which is proving to be tough. I want to drag it out as long as possible so that it won't end but I want to know what's going to happen next so bad! Can honestly say this is the first time in probably a couple of years that I've spent as much time reading and enjoyed it as much as I have with this book.

I'm very much looking forward to going to Edmonton to spend the night with Raph and Wifey before I go back to camp. Other than that there's really not to much exciting going on at the moment. I'll be sure to write more often soon.

On July 20th our family lost a great man. Indeed I believe that anyone who ever met Uncle Frank knew that he was a great man. He was a man that meant a great deal to me for many different reasons throughout my life. My Maternal Grandfather passed away while I was very young and my Paternal Grandfather lived in Saskatchewan (which is essentially the same as being dead) Uncle Frank acted as my Grandfather.

He and Aunt Dorothy would drag their trailers across the mountains from Calgary to meet the family camping at various locations or would set-up shop in our driveway. These visits were always greatly anticipated by Sister and I as Uncle Frank and Aunt Dorothy always took lots of time out of their holidays to play with us, take us places and just love us.

The past 10 days have been difficult as I've never really lost anyone with as much impact on my life as Uncle. The night I found out I think I cried for 3 hours straight. The funeral in Three Hills was incredibly difficult. I only took two days off to go down for the funeral as I wisely figured that diving headlong back into work was the best way of dealing with everything.

There are a few things that I will always remember about Uncle Frank. The house on 19th Ave where everyone was always welcome. How he was always the epitome of a gentleman. How he always made people feel comfortable and how he never had a bad word to say about anyone.

Uncle, I will always miss you.

This past weekend was awesome. I just got back tonight from Vancouver where we were involved in all sorts of festivities for the marriage of Matthew and L. Altogether I have to say I think it was one of the best run weddings I've ever seen. Everything was organized, well planned out and a true testament to the Bride's organizational abilities. My part of the wedding saw me acting as the MC of the reception.

This weekend saw a lot of dancing. After the stag "festivities" on Friday afternoon we (Sister, Peter and my friend S) called up the amazing Ms. J and went out to 1181 on Davie then to The O. After dancing up a storm 'till 2:30 in the morning we made our way back to Pitt Meadows and collapsed. As usual a fantastic time had by all.

And now I'm exhausted so it's time to shut things down and go to bed.

Two extremely important people in my life are in the hospital tonight. One of them my Great Uncle Frank is in Calgary and we're really not sure if he's going leave the hospital. The other, is one of our dearest family friends Mrs. C. She's in the hospital in Vernon.

Thinking of both of these people I can only hope and aspire to be like them in some way. Uncle Frank is the composite Gentleman. Everyone loves him and he's one of those people who never has a bad word to say about anyone. Mrs. C is part of one of the most dynamic duo's I've ever seen. She and her husband went out and bought another computer a few months ago so that they could "stay with it". One of the wisest women in my life. As I sit here tonight thinking of them and the future without them I can't help but feel sad yet, spurred on to be more like these two incredible people. You've both been incredible influences in my life.

My thoughts are with you, even though I can't be.

I just downloaded 'Introducing Joss Stone' on iTunes. What a phenomenal album. I highly recommend it. Soulful and powerful it's excellent listening.

People who have never spent time in the environment in which I work everyday cannot understand the sheer stupidity of some of the people that I come into contact with everyday.

A few days ago I had to turn a new employee around at the airport when I got a last minute call that he'd failed his drug test. Understandably he was pretty upset about the whole situation and with the fact that we sent him back to Vancouver, when he was expecting to come to work and make some money.

Two days later he called me in a state of, what can only be described as desperation. For the life of him he couldn't figure out how marijuana had gotten into his system as "I've never smoked it in my life!" When I half jokingly suggested that he'd been Ross Rebagliatied he didn't understand so I explained about second hand smoke etc. Well he didn't think that was it either. He then went on to tell me that he wouldn't even know what the stuff looked like if his wife didn't put it in her spaghetti sauce... Seriously, this conversation actually did happen. I ended the conversation by telling our friend that if he passed the drug test he'd be good to go for a job with our company. I suggested that he stay away from his wife's spaghetti for the next few months as well.

Story number two isn't necessarily as funny... oh hell who am I kidding, it is! I'm sitting at my desk when the phone rings. It's a Manager from one of the camps that we have our Craft people staying in. Turns out that this Gentleman had gotten drunk or high (we're still not sure which) and decided that his neighbour snored to loudly. So he left his room and proceeded down the hall kicking doors in. Did I mention that he was "balls assed naked"? The Camp Manager told me that in all his years in camp he'd never seen a naked man demolish doors like that. Reading the witness reports were pretty funny. One of them simply stated "I was sleeping. My door blew apart and a naked man was standing in the door screaming at me. I went back to sleep." By the time the Police arrived and hauled jay bird off to jail I think the whole camp knew about what happened. The next morning when buddy called his Foreman he conveiniently left out the fact that he was naked and had spent the night in jail.

My third and final story involved some of our European workers. These "Gentlemen" had just got back from their time at home and decided to get very drunk. While they decided that it would be a good idea to see how far they could get with one of the cleaning ladies. She of course went screaming to her Manager who called me to tell me these guys were out. I sent the calvary who raced out to the camp, made the guys shower, sober and pack up as much as they could then threw them into a truck to get them to a plane. As they headed off down the road the driver tells me he hears the distinctive "ppsssssssshhhhhhhhh" sound of a can being opened... The boy's had decided their experience had been so stressful they needed a drink...

These are just three examples of a day in my life. Enjoy.

Last night I was talked into going to the bar in Fort Mac by Sister and Peter. The rational was that it was their leaving ESS party. Can't argue with that. So we went, we drank, we danced, we drank, we danced a lot more, I woke up this morning drunk. The waking up drunk was a new experience... as was feeling like utter shit this morning. Remember why I pretty much stopped drinking in camp months ago. Over all everyone that attended agreed that it was a phenomenal time. Now if my calves would just stop throbbing...

After reading the Strata minutes last night the unease I've had in my gut increased. After being tormented by the decision today I officially retracted my offer for the condo. It's kind of upsetting to me in one sense but on the other hand I'm actually feeling pretty at ease with the decision.

There were two main factors that were bugging me. The first was obviously the price of the mortgage I would have to get. As I saw it by getting the mortgage I was essentially denying myself the right to tell the company to go F themselves if I ever really just had it. I'd be tying myself to this job and the big money for a long time. The second factor was that the strata was very hardline against rentals in any form. Even if I had a room-mate in the place with me being away all the time for work the strata could start to cause problems by claiming that I was renting, due to my low occupancy rate. In the meeting it was documented twice that people had bought and were asking the strata to rent, for good reasons, and the strata turned them down flat. In each of these cases the units sat empty for very long times and I don't really want to be paying for an extremely expensive "hotel".

Overall I made a logical decision and I suppose I'm pleased with that but my emotions aren't exactly feeling that right now.

I'm feeling low.

Honestly I didn't think that I'd be writing about mortgage woes before I even had one... Turns out that a certain Orange bank thinks I'm not necessarily a good credit risk. How are they basing this decision? Well because I'm new to my job they don't want to take the risk that I'm not excellent at it. So I had to get my Dad to guarantee it... at least until I've been with the company for 6 months.

So after we got that fixed up I anxiously awaited a call today telling me if they have been magnanimous enough to grant me the priviledge of paying them a great deal of money for many, many years. The call came and... the bastard at the other end told me that I have "significant debt"! Well let me tell you, that was a fucking shock to me.

The Money Monkey then asked me if I could pay any of it down. I asked him what the hell he was talking about. Turns out that my AMEX bill last month was $230 and my Visa was around $300. He didn't tell me that these numbers were from last month so I had a hell of a time figuring out what the hell he was talking about, as I pay my credit cards off every month. That and my line of credit balance of around $900 and the balance left to pay off my car (which is below $5,000) were enough for them to have to think seriously about my eligibility.

The fact that I have a $20,000 down payment and a flawless credit record seem to mean nothing. So as it stands now I'm going to see what happens on Monday before I go the alternate routes I was considering with either the bank or the credit union who have both been actively pursuing my business. I can tell you one thing the Orange bank should change it's advertising because they're not friendly or remotely helpful. I plan on doing my damnedest to let everyone I know about this experience. Likely won't make a big difference in the long run but it'll make me happy knowing that I may have cost them at least one customer.


PS - I'm closing my accounts with them on Tuesday regardless.

THEY ACCEPTED MY OFFER! KELOWNA HERE I COME!

Well I put an offer in on the apartment that I was looking at. After looking at 5 others, just for the sake of making sure there was nothing else out there I wanted, I put an offer in on the original one that I liked. The other's had a number of things wrong with them. In one you could hear the traffic through the walls, in a couple of others the floors were totally destroyed (new carpets and lino needed), in the other's I hated the location. So I put an offer in on the first one I looked at, to be honest it's the one I wanted in the first place, and they came back at $10,000 more than I offered.

This is actually a good thing because I offered them $20,000 less than their asking price. So I am planning on offering them another $5,000 tomorrow knowing full well that they're going to likely stick to their price. Then I'm going to tell them that I'll happily take their price but I want their living room furniture (including the flat screen TV). So we'll see. I'm excited. Stay tuned for updates...

After spending much of the day with Janet yesterday I decided that today I would look into this whole house buying business that seems to be the rage with the kids. So I went onto MLS and started to look around. Well wouldn't you know it but the condo I've been dreaming about was there.

The place is in the building in downtown Kelowna that I lived in once-upon-a-time and that I loved. The suite is bigger than the one I was in and is a corner suite so it's got tons of windows and natural light. The current owners were clever enough to put laminate and tile in throughout. The kitchen is huge, the ensuite is huge, the walk in closet is not so huge... but you can still walk into it. The coulours on the walls were perfect. The only thing not perfect about it would be the $1,400+ a month mortgage payment. Even though I can easily afford that now... it's the commitment that scares the living bejeezus out of me.

This is tough though. Frankly I don't think that it's going to get cheaper to buy a house anytime soon.

I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote. Work has been so psychotically busy it's just sick. Things are going good but I'm really looking forward to going home again. This time in I've been dealing with some sporadic sever depression that I think is a result of being exhausted a lot. Just to be sure though I've got an appointment with my naturalpath while I'm home.

Right now I'm procrastinating on packing. Can't figure out why because I really want to go home... but I pack so much I'm tired of it.

Today two things happend that are of some significance. The first is that I withdrew from my online course at Athabasca University. The new job is just not leaving enough time to focus on it and learn. While I'm chagrined at the money I've lost on it I'm somewhat happy that I won't have a WF on my transcrips in case I ever decide to take another course from there when I have more time.

The second is happier in that I decided that it would likely be a good idea if I set up a, for lack of a better term at the moment, "program" in which our office will set personal and work goals, share and encourage each other on with them. The inspiration I got for this is from the Canadian Business series of articles entitled Canada's Best Workplaces. They had a feature article on one of my previous employer's 1-800-Got-Junk? that focused on the company's practice of encouraging employees to set goals for themselves in both their personal and work lives. I've borrowed the concept form Got Junk and expanded on it for my own purposes.

What I proposed to the girls looks like the following:

1. Goals
a. One Short-term Personal Goal (1 week)
b. One Short-term Professional Goal (1 week)
c. One Long-term Personal Goal (6 months - Year)
d. One Long-term Professional Goal (6 months - Year)
e. One Life Goal - Huge and Outlandish
2. Personal Development
a. Find one blog or web-site that you will devote a maximum of one half-hour a day that you believe applies in some way towards the acheivement of your goals (mine is going to be Canadian Business I think)
b. Meet every Wednesday at 2:00 for a quick informal meeting to discuss progress on goals for the week, set new ones and share one thing from the readings that you found interesting and would like to share
3. Encouragement
a. Each of the goals will be posted on a space on our bullitin board visible to everyone in order for each of us to maintain accountability towards our goals

I believe that I'm really not the only person who feels the way I do at times while I'm stuck up here. Of course I'm talking about those feelings of hopelessness and complacence that so many people all over the place feel all the time. I recognize that it's not just the people in my area of the country but many people in general. I digress, the purpose behind my deciding to presenting my "program" to my girls are I don't want them to feel as though they are stuck in a place in life that they're going to be forever. I want to help them acheive their goals both professionally and personally. I want them to help me reach my goals for the office and department. I want to grow as a Manager and a Leader.

One thing I have to say about my Boss is that he's shrewd. I just recently found out from some people that he's known company wide for coming in and turing operations around. He'll use whatever means necessary. I am proof of that.

Happily he's willing to stand behind me and what I feel needs to be done in the department. So in that light I'm working towards my first firing. I inherited three young ladies from the previous Manager and two of them are good, while the third is not. The problem with her overall is that she is infuriatingly slow and when I ask her about something she get's very defensive and snappy. The fact that she's making me crazy as well as making the other two resent that they're pulling all the weight means she's got to go. I'm going to be working on her written warning letter tomorrow.

I learned while working for HBC that when someone is not good in a job it's doing them no favours to keep them around. I wouldn't be in the position I am now had someone not made the observation that I didn't fit there. They were right and I'm happier for it. Of course it's taken a long time to come to that conclusion but it's there none-the-less.

Surprise, surprise...

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	High
Lust:	Low
Pride:	Very High

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

I've been back on site for a few days now and while it took me a day or two to get into the swing of things I'm doing well. Everyday my department has another minor sucess and that's where I'm getting my motivation from (I'd be lying if I didn't say that the pay-check I got this week didn't make it so much more worth it though). I came back to a spotlessly clean office, well as spotless as a construction site can be, and found the girls had made a few other minor improvements. Made me happy that things didn't go to hell while I was gone like my last two jobs.

Today I put together, hosted and moderated a very sucessful meeting between our company, the site owner and the support companies (housing, and bussing) on site. Everyone left the meeting surprised at how much was accomplished in the one hour that I had alloted for it. That of course left me feeling pretty proud of myself. Working with a group of people who were all significantly older than myself and had many years experience working in the kind of environment we work in.

While I would count today as a pretty good one career wise there was still the reminder of what I'm missing in the outside world. The friend I was going to the Gwen Stefani concert with, actually the person that I bought the tickets because she promised to go with me, backed out. I'm absolutely incredulous and somewhat depressed at how hard it is to find people to go to a concert with... especially when I paid for the tickets! So yes, my social life has degenerated to the point where I can't get people to come to a free big name concert with me.

I guess the point o f life at this point, for me, is to work and get as much experience and make as much money as I can. Living is for turnarounds and later in life.

I'm spending money like a rock star! Yesterday my Dad and I went on a wine buying trip through the South Okanagan and came back with a trunk full of wine, 20 bottles to be exact. We then stopped and had dinner at Sumac Ridge and I won't hesitate to state it was probably one of the most exquisite meals I've ever had. I started with an appatizer of mixed olives and Steller's Jay Brut! A combination I NEVER would have though of but it was oh, so good. So yes, yesterday was a very nice and very expensive day.

It's not my imagination... the air does smell sweeter in the Okanagan. It's good to be home, even though the heat is killing me.

The last few days at site were really long and I'm so completely exhausted right now it's sad. Yesterday on my way back from work to camp I was going to walk (there's a great backroad that's been closed to vehicle traffic that helps me get SOME exercise) but I was just so tired I couldn't get my butt out of the seat of the van. Well as we drove up to camp one of the local residents came wandering out of the woods, stared at the van then ran back into the woods. When I say local residents I am, of course, talking about a black bear. So I'm thinking that I'm going to go to a hunting supply store and buy a rather large can of bear spray before I go back.

As soon as I got off the plane today and headed back to Vernon my first stop was the bank. First I went to see my broker; who informed me that I would need to stop contributing to my RRSP's in about three months because I've already almost maxed them out. Secondly, I'm excited to annouce that I was able to get a bank draft for $4,000 that I am going to send to Ford tomorrow to help pay off my car! So as much as I bitch and complain about the, at times, futile feeling of working where the bears and the moron's roam free there are some major benefits.

The next few days look like they're going to be leisurely and relaxing. Tomorrow I've got some appointments, Thursday I'm driving my beautiful, almost fully paid for car, down to the Penticton area to sample and likely buy a case of wine and Friday we're going to Nakusp to seriously get away from it all. Yes, life is good.

Two more get ups and I'm out of here. I'm really looking forward to going home... not so much because I'm looking forward to going home but rather because I'm really tired and am looking forward to a break. Things in the office are running so smoothly I don't think anyone can believe it. I had document control come in to clean up our files at the beginning of the week and they took not two, not three but EIGHT bankers boxes of old useless files out of my filing cabinets. Originally we had thought we were going to have to get another filing cabinet, until I started questioning what we actually needed to keep. Making some other major changes as well, spent some time today cleaning out the hard-drive, which was cluttered with multiple copies of the same documents in many different files. Took a long time and I was stunned at how much crap was in there but it's all gone now or in a file I called Donna's File of Mysteries (we also have a bankers box that is sitting in the office getting fuller and fuller that I call Donna's Box of Mysteries) that is only in existance in case we get audited or something bizarre like that.

Overall I'm feeling pretty good about things at work right now. Of course I'm a little bit anxious about leaving for my eight days but... there's no way I'm not going. Things will look after themselves.

G-L-A-M-O-U-R-O-U-S! For some reason that's how I'm feeling tonight. For no other reason than I had a pretty darn good day and I've been listening to Fregie's song 'Glamourous' off and on all day. I think I'm going to be heading to Vancouver again this turnaround as Marcie and Frank are having a going away party and I really, really want to party again. These periods of stress and bordome in between just drive me to it. That and the thought of visiting my friend MC at Harry Rosen and possibly buying a suit's got me pretty pumped. Yep, glamourous that me! *Rolling eyes*

I've been super busy hence the lack of updates for the past while. Seriously my day involves getting up at 5 to be at work for 630. I work until 530 or like tonight until 7 then I come back to my room, watch an episode of Nip/Tuck (a fantastic show I just found out about) then I go to bed. I've just finished watching the show, so now it's time for bed.

There are a lot of times when I fall into one of those funks where I start to question everything I'm doing. I think these situations are somewhat valuable because they get me to think and question what I'm doing. I think about the fact that I'm up here and that I'm very much alone. I think about the money that I'm making and I ask myself what do I have to show for it? Then I think about the experience I'm getting and I ask myself what the hell are you going to do with the type of experience you're getting right now? I suppose I'm being hard on myself as usual but the future is a scary place to be when you're in the present. It's even harder to be there when you're alone.

Check this interesting little thing out.

Hello all you Happy People! Well things are still going along well. I'm starting to get the rythym of how things in this new company work. Overall I'm enjoying it and I have to say that even at this early juncture that I think it was a good move. I'm busy, the girls in my department (yeah, I am in charge of a department of women, what a surprise) are a lot of fun. Management is supportive, if not somewhat overbearing at times but overall they leave us alone. Yes, I'm rather pleased with things at the moment. Although there's a huge amount of work to done I know it's only a matter of time before I get things working.

Had a very good day today. Things are going along swimmingly. I do have one hell of a headache though so I'm going to bed. Like now.

I'm sure you may have heard about the fatalities up here. Apparently a roof collapsed on one of the giant boilers and two people were killed immediately, 4 were rushed to hospital where one died today, and there are rumours that 14 are still missing. I think the site was where the Chinese Nationals were working so can you imagine the reaction when the full story gets out?

I've been with the new company since Monday and yesterday was my first full day. Right now I'm in that phase that you get when you begin a big project or something like that. You know the one when it's the first day of class and the instructor is finished going through the course and your sitting there thinking 'how in hell am I going to get this done?" That's pretty much me right now. The difference is that I know that I'll be able to do it and that it's not really all that big of a problem. Doesn't make me feel all that much better though in the short term.

The fact that I've moved out of the camp I was in for a year and had lots of friends at and moved to another camp is kind of magnifying the problem too because I don't have any friends at this camp and I don't really know any of the people that I work with yet. Combined with the fact that they have their own little cliques and groups with their own schedules doesn't help because I can never seem to find them. Makes the loneliness that much more pronounced.

I am LOVING the suite that I'm in though. My own bathroom never seemed like such a big deal before but once you've got one it's great!

My new schedule is going to take some getting used to...

It's been a really exhausting week since I posted last. Tuesday I returned to site to finish off my last three days with the last company. Finishing those three days involved things like making sure that my replacement had the information that he needed and some other final administraitive details (my replacement has already called me once this morning... I didn't answer though). Friday I cleaned out my room and moved over to my suite at my new camp. All I have to say is this new room puts just about ALL of the hotel rooms I've stayed at over the years to absolute shame. I have my own washroom, the floors are carpeted and the bed is a double! YAY!

Late Friday night I touched down in YEG and The Baron and Raph were at the terminal to pick me up. After cajouling them into stopping at McDonalds to get me some junk food we went to Raph and Wifey's where I proceeded to eat my McDonalds AND the left over cornbread and soup from their dinner. After I'd finished eating everything in sight it was time for bed.

Saturday was lots of fun! In the morning I argued with Wifey about a number of topics. Then I got to go for lunch with Mr. G and T where we sat around, ate and generally enjoyed life. After lunch Mr. G took me back to Raph's and he and I went for coffee at The Second Cup. Well let me tell you, there'll be no seconds from that place! Terrible coffee and the brownie was a dried out brick. If it wouldn't have been for Raph's excellent company I would have been really upset. Once we'd returned home I waited for L and her boyfriend to come pick me up for dinner. We went to a place called 'New Asian Village' for Indian food which was delicious (the next morning I was having some issues with it though) then L and I started to work our way around town looking for Martini's. We started off at Earl's Tin Palace where the drinks were okay but way to pricey. Next walked down the street to Suede Martini bar which had pretty good drinks for a decent price then moved on down to Caelyes (sp?) Irish Pub to finish the night with some good ol' shots and dancing. I for one had a great time! Had I been able to figure out how to get into the condo faster upon being dropped off though that would have been nice.

Sunday was another excellent, albeit much more low keyed day, we tried to get The Baron to make us a cake (he wouldn't) so Raph and I went for tea. The tea place was closing down for a special event or something so we walked on down to a place called Vi's Pies (or something like that) where I had one of the most fantastic pieces of cheese cake I've had in years. White Chocolate Raspberry! Tres Bien. To top the day off we went to 'The Sugerbowl' for dinner where I had one of their incredible lamb burgers with goat cheese and garlic mushrooms. Truly a day of gastronomical sucesses.

This morning I left my hotel and went to my new companies works yard where I pee'ed in a cup and went over a bunch of administraitive things. Then because I was finished there WAY earlier than I thought I would be I get myself transported to the airport where I'm now sitting killing time. Mr. G was supposed to get in touch with me and we were going to hang out for a while but I'm not sure if that's going to happen now as I can't seem to get a hold of him.

Still not really sure what's happening tomorrow, work wise, but I guess we'll see. I'll keep you all updated when I have time.

It's probably bad that when the other team scored the winning goal with 30 seconds left in the third that I almost cheered. The mere thought of overtime just about made me sick.

Well I'm off to do my least favourite thing. Hockey playoff game. I really wish Dad would just listen to me when I tell him I'm bored out of my ever loving mind sitting there watching a game. I'm thinking of taking my iPod and a magazine tonight.

Vancouver was a blast! I spent WAY to much money but it was oh, so worth it. I drove down on Friday and Marcie and I went shopping on 4th for a few hours before we headed over to Commercial for dinner at Marcello's. We hit Lulu Lemon pretty hard and even went to the "Hidden" outlet store where I got a good deal on some pants. Marcello's saw us goarging ourselves on amazing food and some good wine all served to us by the 'highest' waitress we'd ever seen. Amazingly though her service was awesome!

After dinner we were to meet up with one of Marcie's friends at a club downtown. Well we went and the club was, perhaps, the most tragic club I'd ever been in. It just sucked. So I called up my friend The Russian and requested that he save us from the aweful straight club. He very happily obliged and swung by to pick us up on his way to a houseparty. Well we walked into the houseparty with no forwarning that it was a "Cops and Robbers" theme party so Marcie and I were somewhat taken aback that everyone was dressed in costume. Didn't stop us from having an interesting time as most of the people were really nice. There was this one gay that kept "shushing" me everytime I said something (he was a cat burgler and you had to be quiet) that I wanted to punch but it was no big deal. An hour or so after we got to the point where the partiers were drunk enough that they didn't care if we left so we did and went to 1181 on Davie St. which is a very "swank gay martini bar" as The Russian said. I think it was the Martini at 1181 that pushed us over the edge because my Lord the next thing I remember is doing Zoolander poses on Davie St. with The Russian and Marcie. The night finished off as per our usual dancing on a stage at The O. The theme song of the weekend was Pink's - 'U & UR Hand' which when Marcie and I read the lyrics online were somewhat scandalized by but it's still a great song.

So after waking up Saturday morning Marcie and I went to meet my friend Chris for brunch and Matthew came in from Coquitlam and spent the day with us. Poor guy ended up getting dragged around downtown Vancouver shopping all day. I felt kind of bad for him but he kept insisting it was ok so I'm going to belive him.

Our original plan had been to party our asses off on Saturday night too but as luck would have it all of my friends ended up with some sort of drama so they couldn't come. The fact that Marcie and I were still somewhat exhausted from the night before ment that when the opportunity came up to go to Coquitlam for dinner with Matthew and his Fiance it was more than welcome. So that's how we ended our night. A fabulous Greek dinner with awesome company. I really couldn't have asked for more.

I've been home for two days now and I have to say it's been nice. Yesterday after I got off the plane my Mother dragged me around Kelowna for a few hours. The experience wasn't completely painful but I was exhausted already and she just would not go home, so I comprimised and we went to Quail's Gate for lunch. All I have to say about that is... don't. Don't get me wrong the food was good and the restaurant is beautiful but the cost was completely unreasonable for the amount of food you actually got. I'm talking outrageous. Cost me $40 not including tip for a sandwhich and salad. We didn't even have any wine! I did end up buying a case of Gwerts though :)

I'm getting super excited about my trip to Vancouver this weekend. We've decided that we're getting a hotel room for Saturday night because we figure that we don't want to face the wrath of Frank when we stumble in drunk in the middle of the night. I'm hoping to see a good number of friends while I'm there and expecting to spend some time with Matthew.

Hey Wifey! We got 87% on our first assignment! Great work!

I GOT THE JOB! April 20th is my last day with the current company.

I'm depressed. It's Easter weekend and I'm sitting here in Camp doing NOTHING! I'd much rather be with my family. Today I didn't even leave my room more than twice. I went to the gym and went for a run this morning (new insoles make running capable once again) and I went for dinner this evening.

I've been contemplating withdrawing from the course I'm taking for a while now. I think it's the fact that I'm so stressed out but I just have zero motivation to work on it right now. I was chatting with Janet this morning and mentioned my thoughts of withdrawing to her. Her response was "that's not like you". So of course that made me realize that, no, that was not like me so I wrote up a works-cited page for my first assignment and submitted it. Thanks to Wifey's amazing editing skills I shouldn't have to much problem with spelling, flow or comma issues. Now I just cross my fingers and hope the damned thing makes sense and I get a decent mark. I forgot how much I disliked writing essays throughout school.

I feel sick. I'm shaking and my lunch is having a hard times staying down. Everything's kind of gone to shit but theres a good chance at salvage. This morning the other company called again wondering what the hell had happened to me and this time I just couldn't not answer. So after telling them that I still couldn't give them an answer they told me they were sorry but they guessed they'd have to start looking elsewhere.

I decided to stay calm and wait for Big Bosses reply as he'd promised me an answer today. Well he called about an hour ago and told me that he was sorry but despite his best efforts there was nothing he could do as his Vice-President couldn't grasp what he was talking about. He then told me that I would probably do well at the other company and that he knew where to find me in a year or so if I'd still be interested at that time.

My blood ran cold.

I stood in my room in shock trying to figure out what my next move would be. I called my friend at the other company and asked her if she thought it was to late to still go for the job. She said that she didn't think so but that the Boss who was to do the hiring had just left to get on a plane. I called his cell and he said that they were just closing the door and that he couldn't meet with me until Monday now. So thank God he was still willing to talk to me.

This game of playing companies against each other is very dangerous and the stakes are high. I seriously don't recommend it to anyone... unless they're going to come out with a much higher paying job that is!

Pray for me!

Really, really weird how two years ago on this day I got the job with 1-800-Got-Junk, the next year on this day I was just starting my time up here with my current job and now I'm waiting to hear about another job. April must be new job month!

Called Big Boss just before 5 and he said that he needed one more day and that he would have something for me before dinner time tomorrow. We're waiting... Problem is I'm dodging phone calls from the other company. Feels like the title of that Garth Brooks song "If tomorrow never comes"

Big Boss is back unexpectedly! As soon as I found out this morning I marched into his office and told him we needed to talk. Then he worked on convincing me that staying would be a better option than going. He laid out all of his points, I aired my concerns with him, and he made some promises. I gave him to the end of the day to give me an answer before I called the other company back and accepted or declined.

The clock is ticking...

The tension and stress of the situation is just about making me sick. There's a whole lot riding on this job move right now and while everything looks good so far it's a day late already. I was promised an answer yesterday and was supposed to give the new company my response at that time. This morning I left a message with Big Boss who still hasn't returned any of my e-mail's or voice messages. I'm not sure if it's because he's pissed off about the whole situation or if it's because he's so busy. Likely a combination of both.

So this morning the other company (sounds like I'm having an affiar!) called wanting my response and I had to put them off another day. I hate that I had to do that because I totally and completely want the job but I'm waiting on the current company to give me the final sign-off. So one of my many bosses at the current company told me he'd give me his word that he'd have an answer for me tomorrow.

So as far as I'm concerned I'm giving my notice tomorrow.

I've found a replacement show for 'The OC' I recently started downloading Brothers & Sisters and I'm LOVING it. Great show with an incredible cast, although Sally Fields character drives me crazy, so I highly recommend it to anyone desiring to get caught up in the lives of some fictional television characters.

Well I got a hold of one of my Bosses by phone and told him of the opportunity that had come my way and that I would really like to pursue it. He sounded positive about the whole thing and I'm somewhat optimistic.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I talked to the other company again and damn do I want that job. Let's just say the salary is well over $20,000 more than my current rate. Not to mention an executive room at one of the other lodges off site which means I would have a private bathroom and sitting area. Now all I have to do is talk to Big Boss and get his blessing. There's a stupid site rule here that people can't go from one company to another within 90 days, but if the Labour Relations department doesn't hear about it, in other words no one bitches, they don't care. I originally wanted to wait until Big Boss was back on site to talk to him but time is of the essence so I've sent him an e-mail requesting that he call me tonight. Here's hopeing things go well.