People who have never spent time in the environment in which I work everyday cannot understand the sheer stupidity of some of the people that I come into contact with everyday.

A few days ago I had to turn a new employee around at the airport when I got a last minute call that he'd failed his drug test. Understandably he was pretty upset about the whole situation and with the fact that we sent him back to Vancouver, when he was expecting to come to work and make some money.

Two days later he called me in a state of, what can only be described as desperation. For the life of him he couldn't figure out how marijuana had gotten into his system as "I've never smoked it in my life!" When I half jokingly suggested that he'd been Ross Rebagliatied he didn't understand so I explained about second hand smoke etc. Well he didn't think that was it either. He then went on to tell me that he wouldn't even know what the stuff looked like if his wife didn't put it in her spaghetti sauce... Seriously, this conversation actually did happen. I ended the conversation by telling our friend that if he passed the drug test he'd be good to go for a job with our company. I suggested that he stay away from his wife's spaghetti for the next few months as well.

Story number two isn't necessarily as funny... oh hell who am I kidding, it is! I'm sitting at my desk when the phone rings. It's a Manager from one of the camps that we have our Craft people staying in. Turns out that this Gentleman had gotten drunk or high (we're still not sure which) and decided that his neighbour snored to loudly. So he left his room and proceeded down the hall kicking doors in. Did I mention that he was "balls assed naked"? The Camp Manager told me that in all his years in camp he'd never seen a naked man demolish doors like that. Reading the witness reports were pretty funny. One of them simply stated "I was sleeping. My door blew apart and a naked man was standing in the door screaming at me. I went back to sleep." By the time the Police arrived and hauled jay bird off to jail I think the whole camp knew about what happened. The next morning when buddy called his Foreman he conveiniently left out the fact that he was naked and had spent the night in jail.

My third and final story involved some of our European workers. These "Gentlemen" had just got back from their time at home and decided to get very drunk. While they decided that it would be a good idea to see how far they could get with one of the cleaning ladies. She of course went screaming to her Manager who called me to tell me these guys were out. I sent the calvary who raced out to the camp, made the guys shower, sober and pack up as much as they could then threw them into a truck to get them to a plane. As they headed off down the road the driver tells me he hears the distinctive "ppsssssssshhhhhhhhh" sound of a can being opened... The boy's had decided their experience had been so stressful they needed a drink...

These are just three examples of a day in my life. Enjoy.