I feel as though I have had a very efficient day. I like efficient days. I was just doing a little research on the car that I plan to buy after a few months of employment. The fabulous Acura RSX is what I'm aiming for. I'm planning on getting a 2001 or 2002 model year that has just come off lease, been serviced by the dealer, and is fabulously RED! So far my research has confirmed that this car would be a very good bet. I can't wait to ditch the Probe.

In other news I talked to my Grandparents in Saskatchewan tonight and found out that Grandpa got the internet. Unbelievable! He had to go find his e-mail address as he didn't realize that I used the internet so I sent him what was possibly his first e-mail. I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

Ok I'm bored with this. Good Night!

Greetings! I've had a rather productive day so far. I went to the gym this morning. Then I went to work. Now I'm home killing time for a bit and then I'm going back to school.

A thought occurred to me today. My TA position is coming to an end because I'm almost at the 120 hours for the semester allowed by the Union. Classes are done at the end of the month, and then I only have my part-time job at X company to hold me over. If I get the management trainee program then I will have to wait for two months until it starts. What do I do for two months to keep me busy. More importantly where is the money going to come from. I could go and try and get another job but what would be the point if I was going to leave in two months? I may have to look into going on the road again for a couple months if Dad has any work for me but he just hired someone, so I may be out of luck. This is going to require some thinking.

Well it's off to supper then class now.

Wow I'm tired. Today was a long day where I really didn't do anything. I ended up at the coffee shop and ran into my friend the crazy lady. She was kind of mad at me for not having seen her for months. What can I say, I'm busy and she's crazy.

Speaking of crazy, it was an absolutely gorgeous sun drenched day here today so J decided that she was going to sun bathe in a bikini on her front lawn. Then she decided to go for a walk wearing the bikini, a big button up shirt (that wasn't buttoned up), a pair of shorts with holes in them, and flip-flops. Long story short she caused a commotion at the coffee shop when she eventually ended up there! We stayed for a while and while we were there the sun went down, and the wind started to blow. Naturally I asked her to walk back to my place, which was closer, so I could drive her home. I also wanted to torture my desperate little room-mate. Again long story short she paraded around the apartment, then we went for supper at the pub. It just happened. Then I drove her home. Lots of weird looks today.

Well anyways gotta go to bed.

Been a really busy week. Classes at the beginning of the week and Thursday night I went to the O.B.S.A's Business Banquet. It was at The Grand and was really fun. I had talked my Manager at X company into buying a ticket ($65) and she sat with my Dad and I so I am soooooooooooooooooooooo in now. The evening speaker was Silken Lawman the female Olympic rower (who at times looks like a man) and her message was really good.

J was sitting at another table and ended up getting pretty drunk. So naturally we went back to her place and drank some vodka before heading out to the bar (no I wasn't hammered, not even remotely drunk actually) we danced for a while with a bunch of other people who were at the banquet as well and then I went home. A good time had by all.

This weekend I ended on the College's hiring committee, which meant that I had to sit through interviews of potential professors for two days. Yay. We finally came down to a decision yesterday night and it's now over. Haven't been able to do any homework at all yet. So this afternoon I'm going to try and get some things done.

Will write soon... so busy.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sunday morning. I'm killing time before I go to church. Haven't been to church on a Sunday morning in months. It's actually kind of a nice change.

Last night I ended up having my group for class over and we worked on our case study. We actually got a lot done. I had bought a cake earlier so after the case was done we sat around and had cake. Actually ended up having quite a good time. I then went to bed early as I had started work at X company at 7:45 yesterday morning and had gone steady since then.

Well it's time for me to go to church, then work, then J is making me supper! Then I have tons to do for school.

I'm sipping an entirely acceptable Cabernet Sauvingnon, working on my Strategic Management Group project, and listening to INXS Greatest Hits, fantastic band if nothing else.

Today was the day that I walked out of work with three pairs of Polo jeans... you see they were on sale for $24.99 and I couldn't resist. I bought myself two pairs and one for my Dad. I'm sure he'll enjoy them, not because they're Polo but because they're cheap! And if he's all about nothing else, he's all about cheap! Yay cheap.

Well I went to my Naturalpath yesterday and he loaded me up with another $150+ of natural medications to keep me feeling lovely. He gave me a bunch of stuff for my sinuses and it's incredible but after months of not being able to breath without the aid of a nasal spray I woke up this morning breathing and feeling reasonably good. So I went swimming. Then I didn't feel so good. Stupid exercise. Anyways back to the Naturalpath, I insisted they give me another shot of the seretonin drops that keep me sane because I really don't want to be depressed again. I just can't handle the depths that I fall to. Hopefully by the time that I finish this bottle it will be spring and I won't have as much of a problem. I've never really noticed being totally depressed in the summer.

I gave the lady at the Rec. Center my Student card, now complete with sticker, and she was surprised at the sticker they had given me. I honestly think that she thought I was just trying to rip the Rec. Center off. If it wasn't such a good deal for three months I just might have been offended.

Stuff keeps piling up at an alarming rate. If there wasn't just four more weeks of school left I'd actually be worried. I can handle this pace for another four more weeks, write my ONE exam (this is the only time in my school career I've had fewer than three exams in a semester) and then take a break. I think that a break for me is likely going to involve working and doing little else. My friend J told me that she couldn't see me quitting work and going on vacation. Just said it struck her funny.

Well I should go back to working on my group project then go to bed at an early hour because I work early tomorrow morning.

Bye.

Third interview went well. It's interesting the Manager of company Z seemed more professional than the Regional Manager of X company that I had my last interview with. Like the last interview this one was very short and somewhat informal. I still think that I already have the job. Well see though there is still one more interview to go.

I am really glad that today is over. After the terrible presentation this afternoon I came home and wrote my team an e-mail thanking them for the work they have put in so far and encouraging them that we will do better next time. I hope that I'll be able to learn to lead people better by way of working hard at it as well as working out the issues in my head.

Today I learned I have roles that I try to define myself with. These roles, workaholic, perfectionist, and Judge, were ingrained in my thinking while growing up. I don't completely understand or know what is at my core because I use these roles to determine my thinking and acting most of the time. Writing this is difficult because I haven't really had any time to think about this as of yet.

I think I mentioned before that whenever I'm in a session near the end I start to feel as though someone has kicked me in the balls. The feeling is so intense and disturbing that learning to deal with it is going to take some. My friend N from San Francisco called me tonight (Yay!) and I was discussing this because she had gone through a number of years of counseling and she told me this feeling is normal. Trying to cope and deal with all the things being dredged up in your mind can be overwhelming but it will get better. I was really glad that I got to talk with her because as far as I know I don't really have anyone to relate to about this. It was good to have some confirmation that I'm not the only one this stuff happens to. I miss her.

I feel freaked. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. I really feel like I did the day that I got drunk, and I almost want to again. I realize fully now that the counseling sessions are causing me a great deal of emotional stress. Unfortunatly even though it's bad stress I believe the end result will be reasonable. I have discovered a great deal about myself today that I need to change and will have to think about. The only problem is that I have so much to do that I just can't seem to get around to it. I have to go to my job interview now.

Well it's been quite the day. Thank God it's over. It was a pleasant day and nothing went wrong or anything I'm just tired. Tomorrow is looking to be even more fun. Starting off by getting my fat ass over to the gym. Then going to my next counseling appointment. Then I give a presentation in one of my classes. And finally my third interview at X company. Somewhere in there I have to read another case for one of my classes. Good thing I like to be busy.

Oh the water for my tea is boiling...

Currently I am in the middle of marking over a hundred assignments for my 2nd year class. I can't believe most of them graduated from high school. The grammar is horrendous.

I am definitely tired already I can't think of much more to write here. I am going to go sit in my lounger and mark at least two more papers then do some pleasure reading. Hopefully I can be in bed by 10:30 at the latest.

My nose is stuffed. For the past two weeks my sinuses have been completely clogged unless I snort a nasal spray. Well this morning I forgot to spray. Now I'm at school breathing through my mouth. Cannot wait to get home to snort up the medicine.

Well this morning being the 1st of March I decided that I would make good on my initiative to get back in shape. I got up at the un-Godly hour of 7 and made my way over to the pool. I swam for about half an hour and then considering the risk that my heart was going to go into arrest I decided it would be wise to get out of the pool and go home. I did enjoy being active again though. I stopped by the desk on my way out and got a schedule and pass information for the rec center and it turns out that a pass for the pool and weight room are dirt cheap for students! Yay!

This week is really starting to fill up way faster than I thought. Thankfully it looks like I'm going to be really busy. I have my Third interview with X company on Wednesday night at 7. I talked to the interviewer this afternoon and he was very pleasant over the phone. What I have heard about him from my manager is that he is operating one of the most profitable stores in the Province and that he is a really nice guy. Here's hoping.

Well anyways not much else to report. I should get back to marking now. Marking is a very interesting experience. I try to keep out of my mind how much of the students overall mark the paper that I am grading them for is. I find that way I don't get all worried about them hating me. If you turn in shitty work, your going to get an equally shitty mark.

Now with the battle cry of 'No Mercy!' I'm back at it.

Something has happened to me. I'm happy. Really content. Why? Wow, wouldn't I like to know. I think that it's because I've slowly started to fill up my schedule again. Being busy just makes me happy. To much busy stresses me out though and I really need to learn how to balance. I ended up getting asked to work two extra shifts this week at X company. I was really happy about that. Instead of sitting in my apartment doing nothing I had something to do this weekend. I had a purpose. That purpose was to sign people up for Instant Credit. I seem to have hit a gold mine of people who need credit this week. Signed up 5 people in the past two days.

Laying in bed the other night I had the strangest experience. For some reason I felt as though some higher power (not necessarily God) was asking me what I was going to pursue. What was I going to make my life's focus. Immediately I thought it's going to be power and wealth. I'm going to pursue these things like no one has ever pursued it before. Then I thought about this more and it seemed to be the wrong decision.

Was I really that close to sacrificing personal relationships, family, friends, physical and emotional health all for the pursuit of earthly success? Sad to say at that point I almost said yes. In a sense I compare the experience to that of Jesus when the Devil offered him all the kingdoms of the earth on the Temple roof. Of course my experience was nowhere near as intense as all that but the basic principle seemed the same.

Nearing the end of school I really feel that I am at a personal cross-roads. Now of course I'm sure everyone has felt that way but I only really care about me. What am I going to dedicate my life to? What will be my legacy? If I died tomorrow what would I be remembered for? My volunteer work, my education, my various jobs, how I affected people, what?

In reality I think the question may be how do I want to be remembered? What do I want my legacy to be? If I figure this out I'm pretty sure that I will have a much happier life.

Present Mood - contemplative.
Present Music - The Best of Sade

Friday night. At home. Really tired. Going to a couple of film festival films tomorrow morning and then going to work. I love working.

Well I went swimming. I thought my heart was going to stop a couple of times. I used to be able to go for two hours straight when I was in peak form. Tonight I had trouble doing 250m. I have decided that I am going to work at getting back in shape starting March 1st. My reasoning for this is that I really don't have anything else to do, my back has been increasingly worse lately and I know that exercise will help it, and I just figure that I may as well for cosmetic purposes (as vain as that sounds).

Things have been relatively calm again. Thankfully my medication seems to be keeping things on an even keel emotionally and my next counseling appointment is in another week. I'm curious to see if I have an experience like I did after my last appointment or if that was just a total flash in the pan.

Anyways feeling pretty good and I'm going to bed. G'night!

I'm going swimming.

The Passion is an excellent movie. I was really expecting it to be a terribly mediocre attempted Christian emotion twister... but it's certainly not. The whole thing gets two thumbs way up from me.

In other news Exam this afternoon went well. It's done. I'm done. Going to bed.

Oh just remembered that I'm going home for Steak tomorrow! Yay, steak. Then I'm going to watch The Passion Of Christ or whatever it's called with my friend R. Thursday is going to be spent doing nothing I believe.

Wow what a day. Started with class first thing this morning. Finally handed in the damned paper. I have to admit that I did a terrible job on it but the teachers an old Grandpa like guy and I'm one of the few people that talk in his class so he loves me. That and he's the easiest marker in the entire world. No word of a lie, he actually sent an e-mail to the class that he would be taking off 1% for every day this stupid paper was late to a maximum of 7% before he would not accept it. Gee there's incentive to hand things in on time.

In other news my room-mate has not been seen or heard from for a number of days. He left Saturday and still has not returned. Can't really say that I miss him!

Spent a couple of hours at X company today. Didn't leave early or anything strange today. The manager I told I would stay didn't even mention the fact that I bailed on her, she just had me continue doing the job that I left. What a nice lady.

I fully realized that I only have 6 weeks left of school. Oh man, that is so insane. I truly want to go on a vacation for a while once school is over. I don't really know where (aside from Holland, which is just too damned expensive) but I am also thinking about hot places. Cuba sounds cool!

Well I think that I'm going to read for a bit then hit the hay. Yes that's what I'm going to do.

G'night!

Had a really good visit with Dad. I ended up telling him that I had started counseling and surprisingly he was quite pleased that I had taken the initiative to get things sorted out. The rest of the visit was quite predictable. We chatted about cars, how much further ahead I was than most people my age (in terms of finding a career and finishing school etc.), and about my friends R and M. We had a good laugh at how M is likely going to end up living with The Answer Man again this year. Poor man didn't know what he was getting himself into when he agreed to let M stay the first time :)

Tomorrow is looking to be busy and not entirely pleasant. I have office hours from 10-4 and then I'm contemplating not going to my evening class. The Prof did say that if we were ever not able to make it just to send him an e-mail ahead of time and he would be fine with that. We'll see tomorrow.

Paper about 80% complete in case anyone is wondering.