Something has happened to me. I'm happy. Really content. Why? Wow, wouldn't I like to know. I think that it's because I've slowly started to fill up my schedule again. Being busy just makes me happy. To much busy stresses me out though and I really need to learn how to balance. I ended up getting asked to work two extra shifts this week at X company. I was really happy about that. Instead of sitting in my apartment doing nothing I had something to do this weekend. I had a purpose. That purpose was to sign people up for Instant Credit. I seem to have hit a gold mine of people who need credit this week. Signed up 5 people in the past two days.

Laying in bed the other night I had the strangest experience. For some reason I felt as though some higher power (not necessarily God) was asking me what I was going to pursue. What was I going to make my life's focus. Immediately I thought it's going to be power and wealth. I'm going to pursue these things like no one has ever pursued it before. Then I thought about this more and it seemed to be the wrong decision.

Was I really that close to sacrificing personal relationships, family, friends, physical and emotional health all for the pursuit of earthly success? Sad to say at that point I almost said yes. In a sense I compare the experience to that of Jesus when the Devil offered him all the kingdoms of the earth on the Temple roof. Of course my experience was nowhere near as intense as all that but the basic principle seemed the same.

Nearing the end of school I really feel that I am at a personal cross-roads. Now of course I'm sure everyone has felt that way but I only really care about me. What am I going to dedicate my life to? What will be my legacy? If I died tomorrow what would I be remembered for? My volunteer work, my education, my various jobs, how I affected people, what?

In reality I think the question may be how do I want to be remembered? What do I want my legacy to be? If I figure this out I'm pretty sure that I will have a much happier life.

Present Mood - contemplative.
Present Music - The Best of Sade