To the Ones I Love,

This is an incredibly hard e-mail to write as quite honestly the message / situation is just awkward. As you know just over a year ago I came to you and told you that I was gay. During that time in my life I was going through a lot of mental and emotional unrest. Nothing made sense and I felt I didn’t fit anywhere. While in Vancouver I tried to live a lifestyle I thought that I was supposed to be a part of. Try as I did to convince myself that I was living the life I wanted to it just didn’t work. I couldn’t seem to quell the disquiet in my spirit or silence the nagging voice in my head that was telling me that this too wasn’t me.

Now after many months of personal reflection, soul searching and much emotional pain I have come to a conclusion. I am not gay (sometimes the simplest way of saying things is also the easiest). I have been working with a counsellor for many months now and by utilizing the tools he has given me I have been able to restructure many of my thought patterns and build better emotional boundaries.

In my situation the same sex attractions were symptoms of character deficiencies. Having identified and worked on a lot of these issues has caused the same sex attractions to subside. I can confidently say that I have moved closer to a sense of my own masculinity that I have never before been in touch with.

Finally I want to thank you and beg your continued indulgence. Thank you for bearing with me during this incredibly difficult time in my life and thank you for being a part of the catalyst for change. I know this may be hard for some of you to understand and that’s where I want to ask your indulgence. As I have learned so much about myself throughout this phase of life I would be happy to talk to you one on one if you have any questions.

Don’t worry, the KS you know now won’t be turning into something else. I’m tired of playing games and hiding behind masks, the sarcastic disinterested arrogant, pious religious fundamentalist, drunken partier, or whatever else I hid behind. As I grow to know myself I also sincerely hope to grow to know you in a deeper and better way.

This new chapter in my life is full of surprises and quite honestly a measure of fear but I don’t think anything that comes along is going to be any harder than this chapter that has finally closed.

I look forward to talk with you.

Peace… at last.

KS