Here's a fun one for ya'll. Today at work, as with everyday at work, our security guy managed to arrest some shoplifters. Now I have to say that this store is really unlike anything I've ever seen for the amount of theft that goes on in it, as well as the Management team taking it personally! At least once every two days we have a grab and run... ocassionally two or three in a given day. When the alert call goes out over the PA system everyone in drops everything and goes racing out the front doors in the mostly vain attempt to catch the bastard that just ran out of the store with a DVD player or a boxed DVD set. Unfortunately by the time the alarms at the door go off and we realize that this person isn't just another innocent shopper it's inevitably to late. They're gone sprinting across the parking lot. Now the fact that the sprinter has a good lead and is usually as fast as the wind doesn't seem to deter many of the males in the store from chasing after them. Most of the time it's a virtual stampede of Assocaites pouring through the door on their way out trying to catch someone. Now a few times the criminals have figured out just how stupid we really are and have worked in two's. So while their buddy is racing like the wind with a herd of furious Zellers Managers and Supervisors behind them the other one calmly collects all that they had on their list and sashays out the front doors. Of course the alarms go off but everyone able is already chasing his buddy! Score 2 points theives, 0 for Zellers. Actually one time at his old store the Manager got so furious he jumped into his truck, drove through a rose bed, over a sidewalk or two and chased some unfortunate fellow for blocks until he finally just about died from a coronary. I do believe the Manager got a stern talking to from the Police over that one. Seems he really hasn't learned though.

Anyway back to my story about the events of today. Two East Indian ladies, an old one and her daughter, came into the store and proceeded to clean out our clearance racks. Now this really isn't a big deal because it's all clearance but their total bill would have been well over $175, which tells you how much shit they managed to get into their bags at $5 a shirt. So anyway perhaps because the old one was REALLY old they didn't manage to get away fast enough and we caught them. Well it turns out they just "Forgot to pay!" So anyway being the good people we are we called the police anyway. Then because they both decided that they suddenly couldn't speak english anymore we simply got one of our people to come in and translate. This is the funny part. It turns out that our translater decided that it was time to give these two a lecture about how fortunate they were to be in this great country and that they were giving all brown people a bad name! She went on for about 45 mins until the police came. Considering the fact that they were stealing all of the clothes to take with them to India in a few days it'll be interesting to see how well things go for them at the border. Hopefully they'll never get back in!

Because I'm in the mood to tell stories tonight I'll give one last one about one of our Supervisors and her experience while testifying in court against a shoplifter she had caught. The shoplifter, not being the most intelligent person, went up to the Judge and pointed directly at the Supervisor and said "She was the one... she took me up the stairs to the office and beat the shit out of me!" Well this is entirely laughable if you just look at the Supervisor... she's mayube 5'3 and likely weighs about 130lbs. That's not the best part of the story though. The Judge looks at our Supervisor and asks is this true? To which she reply's well... we don't have a second floor in our store!

Well I've figured it out. The only thing harder than telling someone that your gay is telling them that you hate being gay, don't see a future in it, and are going to be exploring different areas of counselling to see how and if it is just a choice and way of thinking that can be reversed. To tell you the truth I'm terrified about this. Mostly I'm scared about what those close to me will say. Most of them believe that this is not something you can change and I'm not sure how supportive of this they will be. I do have to say this though that if they arn't supportive... or at least give me the benefit of the doubt... well I won't be seeing them much more. This is extremely important to me and even if it doesn't end up working out then at least I'll be sure.

Post complete.

Well Singles Awareness Day actually turned out rather well. I had lunch with Marcie and then made dinner for Lexi and my friend the Mexican. One of Lexi's friends also joined us because as luck would have it she broke up with her boyfriend yesterday. So I spent Valentines Day entertaining three beautiful single women... every mans dream... right?

I also went to visit the counsellor that my parents had found, in hopes that it would be a match, and I have to say that I was NOT impressed. Basically I just met him for a meet and greet but from the moment his secretary gave me the wrong address to the building for the third time and I therefore arrived 20 minutes late and only after the counsellor himself had called to ask if I was still coming and gave me the address once I told him that I was wandering around the fucking city of Burnaby trying to find an address I didn't know did not exist. Anyway I went in and started chatting with this guy and he basically gave me some background on himself. I was really confused actually because thinking back now I should have asked him if he was gay. The impression that I was getting from him was that he was. Actually some good did come out of the short session because I really need to examine what I want to go to counselling for. Not so much what I want to go for counselling for I guess more-so what do I want to achieve with this. What are my goals. What do I want the counselling to achieve? Thinking about this a lot lately I'm wondering what do I really want?

My Parents seem to be under the impression that I am still in the same place that I was in three years ago when I first came to them about my sexuality and they freaked out. At that point I sincerely wanted to be 'normal' but didn't know how to do it. At the point where I am now I'm wondering am I going into counselling because they want me to? They seem to believe that I can sincerely change my very base ways of thinking and the very way my thought processes work. Of course my understanding of anything like this is that I would have to fundamentally change my life in ways that I'm not sure at this point that I want to. Seriously everything would have to change if that were to be the direction I'm going to consider taking. I would very seriously have to leave Vancouver and start life again somewhere else where no one knows me. Why would I have to do something that dramatic? Well the fact that all of my Vancouver friends know and accept me this way means that it would be seriously fucked up if I were to decide to suddenly start denying who I was again and start trying to be straight. I just don't know if I can do that again.

On a happier note Grandma is coming to visit this weekend. I'm planning on spending Saturday with her. As it's my weekend off this really works out well. Too much thinking right now. I'm going to bed.

Wow, last night was amazing! I got off of work and met up with Lisa and Tim who were visiting from Kelowna. We went out for dinner at Cactus Club, then for drinks at this pretentious cougar bar called OPUS and then ended up at Celebrities and danced. The original plan was to go to Skybar but when we got there there were a number of people from Kelowna there that Lisa didn't want to see so she said "we can't go here now!" so of course the only place that didn't have a line two blocks long at that time of night was Celebrities. We walked in just in time as the line seemed to form right behind us. We had tons of fun. The fact that I worked this morning at 8 ensured that I didn't stay out all that late though. So I was home by 1... I think, and in bed shortly there after. Of course because I'd been drinking rye all night and was still just toasted I did some drunk dialing and left a message, or two...? that I'm sorta regretting now. I hope I didn't mess things up.

Tomorrow is my day off and I'm planning on sleeping and doing very little. I have a counselling appointment with a new counsellor tomorrow. Basically just a short meet and greet to see if I'm comfortable with him. We'll see. Feeling very emotional and needy right now. I think it's cause I'm so tired.

Oh just thought of a little story I thought I would share before I went to bed. Phone rings... I answer. It's my mentor for The Bay. Seems she's still having problems with a few of my ex-girls from Origins. *shock!* She needs my help to set the story straight on what one of them is telling the store Executives. Seems the little bitch is telling them that I told her not to do important parts of her job! How is that so when I spent the better part of two months trying to get them to do ANYTHING other than stand around blinking! Unreal... it makes my blood start to boil a little just to think about this lying sow and makes me more mad that I didn't pursue firing her a long time ago. I've had it with people. At least those that work for me. Enough of this benefit of the doubt shit I'm going on a rampage at my new store and I'm going to clean house. Fantastically enough my new manager is already behind me 100% on this initiative!

Yes I'm still here. Things have been going well so I havn't been in the mood to write. Yes it seems that things are starting to calm down significantly which makes me happy because I honestly couldn't have handeled another week of the drama that was going on. I've actually been working straight since Sunday as well so there really hasn't been all that much to write about that's been interesting.

Some observations about the new surroundings I find myself in at work though. I am in a store with a high population of East Indian people living nearby. In fact the largest Sihk temple in the lower mainland is right across the street, so dealing with these people on a daily basis has become second nature. I have to say that I really enjoy working with most of them. The prevailing sense I get from most of them is that they are very nice people and are very hard workers. I am consistently in awe of the language abilities members of my staff have. We have many Associates who speak up to five languages, which is absolutely invaluable, and listening to some of their life stories and places they have come from to get to Canada is always amazing. I'm working in a very multi-cultural place and perhaps experiencing Canada as so many people aroun the world believe it is but in a way I a Canadian born and raise have never experienced.

Today was a good day. Lexi, Dad and I went out for breakfast this morning at this little place I discovered two blocks away from my house. It was awesome. Then Dad and I went and hung out in Stanley Park for a bit and talked for quite a while. It was good to understand a bit better as to where he is coming from. We then went and wandered around Yaletown a bit before coming home. For dinner we went to Memphis Blues this amazing BBQ restaurant I'd heard about and really wanted to try. We ordered a platter and there were 6 different types of meat on it. That's it... just meat, oh and some beans. Amazing food. After supper we came back to the house and watched 'Man on Fire' a reasonanbly good Denzel Washington movie. Cutting the movie short we got Lexi and went to see a U2 Lazer show at the Planitarium. It was pretty cool and a good way to spend some time on a Saturday night. Coming home we finished the movie and now I'm going to bed.

I GOT U2 TICKETS! Have one extra anyone wanna come?

Ok, things are starting to look up a bit. I'm not really sure if it's because I've been seeing the naturalpath again or if it's just my situation improving but either way I'm relieved.

The Zellers that I am working in is actually really, really good. I have to say that so far I am enjoying it. The people I work with are lots of fun and I seem to fit in really well. Even the fact that it's a half-an-hour away from my house seems to be a good thing. By the time I get there in the morning I'm pumped and by the time I get home at night I'm calmer. The fact that the drive is 15 mins in town and 15 mins on the highway helps. That and the fact that I'm going early enough or late enough that there are few other cars on the road.

Speaking with my trainee counterparts we all seem to agree that we're really glad that the presentations are over. It's like something snapped right after and the stress and pressure of the past few months just disapatted.

Strangely enough after I gave my presentation my former "coach", who was sitting there, spoke up and talked about what a tough team I had and that they were all very impressed with how much hard work I had done. Um... thanks? I think... I think that after seeing the other presentations and listening to mine she may have realized what a tough time I had had in the past number of months. Sadly Pam's coach was asked by one of the Zellers Managers what exactly it was she was supposed to have accomplished during her time at The Bay and he couldn't tell us. He just sat there and blabbed a lot of nothing. I felt somewhat vindicated for her as it proved without a doubt that she had been set up for total failure.

Another interesting situation that's developed is a friend of mine had asked me to meet with a friend of his who was looking for work in cosmetics. So I met with the guy and he turned out to be absolutely perfect (well aside from the mohawk... I'm not joking) for a position in cosmetics. So I called up the old store and told them I was sending him up. Well they met him and loved him and instead of offering him a cosmeticians position they are offering him the role of Department Head. So my old mentor called me last night and wanted to ask me about him. I told her the little I knew about him and that was it I thought. Getting into my car last night though I turned on the phone and there was a message from her asking me to call her at home. I did and she asked if she could call me back later. I told her not to worry about it. She called back about an hour later apologizing for the late hour and asked if I would call her at work tomorrow. Now I'm really confused. Not sure what to expect here but could it be... maybe... an apology?

Well I just got back from my Major presentation. I now have a headache, feel like I'm going to throw up, want to cry, and quite everything. The presentation went well though! Sometimes life is just so overwhelming. I would really like to go out an get a bottle of wine and drink the whole thing. In fact I think I will.

I'm hungry and sitting here waiting for my chicken noodle soup to cook which is making me hungrier. I'm really wondering what the hell I did to piss off the powers that rule this universe. After paying a parking ticket that I got last week while I was at my naturalpath I went back to the naturalpath for another appointment today. Getting back into my car and driving home I was pulled over for apparently making an illegal left turn outside of the hours allowed! $75 Argh! I can't afford to live like this anymore. The only thing that could make my life worse right now is if I were to lose my shitty job and have no income.

I am going to be giving a major presentation tomorrow for a large number of company executives. Maybe if they get pissed off enough at my presentation I will get fired! Maybe that's a good thing.

I just got back from coffee with Marcie and it was a fine bitch fest. It was decide that she is going to contact a friend of a friend who is a corporate head hunter and that we're both going to sign up.

Life could just not get worse.