I don't even know what I'm writing here for right now.  Aside from the vague notion that writing is therapeutic.  I am lost.  Abandoned.  Disturbed.  When will I find what it is that I am looking for.  When will I know what the hell it is that I am looking for.  My mind is a messed up wandering place.  I pivot from one extreme to the other.  Religion, I believe I know the extremes of that.  I didn't find what I was looking for.  Maybe I went to far.  Is there such thing as balance in this life?  Isn't that the eternal question.  Are humans to know what balance is?  What is the next extreme?  Am I experiencing it?  I don't think so...
 
Pivoting, is that the word that adequately describes me?  At times like these I often feel as though I'm sitting.  Sitting in the middle of life with ripples emanating away from me.  Those ripples are the lives of others racing through time.  People grow up, go to school, move, meet people, travel, get jobs, get married...  I sit and watch it all go by.
 
Days go by and I wonder if I missed a whole period of my life that should have (could have?) been different.  I don't know if I regret any of the choices that I have made, because they have led me to the place that I am today, but at the same time I often wonder how things could have been different.  Would they have been better?  Am I trying to make up for lost time now?  The past few weeks have been almost a non-stop party.  Drinking, dancing, enjoying life in general.  Am I too old to be acting this way?  Does asking that question make me look silly?  Rhetorical questions all.
 
Why are some people who are so smart in life, so stupid in love?