Hey! I'm back. Emotionally and mentally. Apparently the same thing is happening that was happening a number of years back when I was being poisoned by Chanel products. Unfortunately this time it's not proving to be that obvious as to what the culprit is. So I'm going to have to do some investigating when I get back to work.

I forgot to mention that Valentines day actually turned out to be rather pleasant. Thanks to a visitor from Vancouver.

I'm barely keeping it together. I'm sitting at the kitchen table and almost burst into tears just looking at random pictures. I am so glad I'm going to the Naturalpath tomorrow. Something's majorly wrong and it needs to be fixed. I need something to numb the pain.

Today was a good day.

After much the usual roller-coaster ride that is my company's way of doing anything; today I was told I would be staying on site at least until the end of March. I'm not actually getting my hopes up that I will be released at that point either though, quite honestly. I fully expect that when that time comes around I'll be "asked" to stay on until the end of the project (who knows when that will be).

I'm really not even sure what to feel about this. I do know that my depression has escalated since the announcement today. I desperately need to get home so I can get to my Naturalpath.

I am trying to remember the good in this situation of which there is a lot. First off I still have a secure, high paying job. Many people would go to great lengths to secure what I've been given. Second, I enjoy the people I work with and am enjoying learning some new things with my job. Third I have just that many more pay cheques that I'm able to put away now.

This job has given me opportunities I never would have dreamed of. I've been able to travel, enjoy the finer things in life and spend a good deal of time with people who are important to me that I wouldn't otherwise have been able to see as much. So with these thoughts in mind I'm going to go to bed and wake up with a better outlook in the morning.

I'm really starting to wonder about Feb. 5th. Today around 10:00 my Manager came into the office and told me that he'd received an e-mail at 23:00 last night saying that I was to be in Calgary on Saturday! I just shrugged and said that until I got specifics about this I wasn't going to worry about it. He agreed this was probably a good response to the news.

Around 14:00 he came back into the office and told me he'd talked to the Project Manager here and he said he hadn't heard anything about Calgary. So he told Business Manager to tell Calgary they couldn't have me until he decided I was able to go. He's back on site tomorrow and will make his decision then. The fact that it's Friday and I may be leaving on Saturday doesn't seem to phase him at all. Must be nice to be him.

In fact I don't really care. For some reason I can't see myself leaving here quite yet. Not that I wouldn't enjoy being emancipated from here but another pay-period or two wouldn't hurt either. I hope they ask me what I think of the whole thing tomorrow so I can tell them I'm not particularly enjoying being jerked around like a dog tied to a bumper.

Since I've been back some of the "promises" that have been made to me have started to go forward a little. While I'm still working at my desk in my office Management has finally started to train me in some other areas. In truth I'm glad they haven't physically moved me as I've pretty much formed the environment to my specific needs.

What else is going on?

Can't think of anything quite honestly.

Life's very dull at the moment which means everything is going as expected.




Current mood: Mildly depressed
Current music: The Highwayman - Loreena McKennitt