I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire

This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame

You know I believed it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

-U2

No matter what path in life one takes they're bound to find some aspect of their being that doesn't match up with how they'd like to see it. What is an ideal life? Is there such thing as a balanced life?

As my Dad drove me to the airport yesterday we were discussing how some of the concerns and issues that my current living and working situation was bringing about. Concerns like 'Am I missing out on life?', 'Are other people moving furthur ahead in their careers by being in a city?', 'I don't "like" living where I do right now so will the sacrifice payoff?', 'When will I be able to live the lifestyle that I want to at some point in life?'

I suppose that when I look at these questions the answer really boils down to time. How long am I willing to put in up here? At what point do I just decide that the money isn't worth what I'm missing out on. When do I decide that I've got enough "experience" to move on to another career somewhere else? Will I be able to move to another career once I leave here or will this place have left an indellible mark on my psyche that follows me around haunting me for the rest of my life.

I deposited the largest paycheck of my life today. I wish I could report that it felt great and all those things that people are supposed to say but overall I felt... not so much. It's really weird but the old saying is true, "Money isn't important until you don't have any". I just never thought I'd be saying that...

An ideal life is really measured by the thoughts of the person looking for it. As for whether an ideal life is balanced... I think that's a pipe dream. There's no such thing as in ideal life let alone a balanced life.