Today was spent doing very little of anything. I attended church with my parents as it was a special service to celebrate the retirement of the Pastor and his wife who have been there for 15 years meaning that they are pretty much the only Pastoral significance I’ve ever had. They are fantastic people but I’m looking forward to a Pastor who is actually a better preacher.
After church I had lunch with Sister at Starbucks and then I came home. Spent the afternoon divided between the computer and some reading. The Baron and I just had a light supper and now I’m here.
Thinking about some of the events of the past while and the causes for some of my actions I think that I’ve pinpointed a major desire. My life is, and has been, lacking a sense of intimacy or connection with someone. Now I’m not talking in a sexual way rather just a feeling of being able to connect with someone. Someone you don’t have to talk to but can be comfortable just sitting with. It’s a longing that’s been growing stronger and stronger and it’s terribly hard to ignore. A somewhat dreadful feeling but one that I’m glad to be aware of. Once your aware of something it makes it much easier to deal with as opposed to trying to fight the unknown demon that torments you.
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2 comments:
Hi Sweety,
One thing I do know, is intimacy comes when we know who we are. You can't have that kind of connection until you are comfortable in your own skin. You are seeking intimacy beyond the freindship/sister thing. And by the way that is also sexual. Take it from me there is nothing better. Love ya Chris
I think that maybe I wasn't clear in that post. So for the sake of clarity I wasn't talking about the typical love type of intimacy. I was speaking more of the bond of friendship that can exist between two people. I was actually thinking specifically of other males in that post (although I didn't state that) just having a friend who understands me and who mutually enjoys the others company. I do have friends like that in Raph and Matthew but at the moment, and for the past few, they aren't available. Amazing friends are hard to find and I guess it's just seeming hard right now because I am blessed with so many amazing friends but they all live really far away.
Thanks for your thoughts though.
KS
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