I'm waiting for my Sister to get here! I'm very excited it's the first time the fabulous red headed terror will have visited me here in Vancouver and I am expecting it to be great. I'm having a small party tomorrow night to celebrate.

I don't remember if I wrote about it previously or not but I'm going to make small mention of my Mother's day at home. I was unfortunate enough to have not realized that it was Mother's Day last Sunday and that I would be within a very short driving distance of my parents home... therefore leaving me with no excuse with which to be able to say 'Wish I was there'. Stupid I know. So I went home and it just like every time that I go home it was traumatic as hell. Having had the time to reflect upon the situation I think that I've pinpointed why visits to the family home seem to throw me for such a loop. Apparently my parents do not seem to be the main reason for the feeling of emptiness and hopelessness that I feel while there. The Okanagan has a strange draw on me in that, that's where my roots are and they run deep. The problem is that there is no nourishment for those roots. There is nothing there and especially at my parents home for me. Walking into their 'perfect' home with it's sterile feeling and its air that no one actually lives there seem to kill me. Nothing in that house reflects any part of who I am or what growing up there was like. My Mother has been systematically 'updating' everything in the past few years in this bizarre 'antique' look that she seems to favour. Even before the remodeling though the house never felt like a home. It was a place to stop on the way to friends homes that felt more like home. The Baron's aerie overlooking the lake, my old best friends home on the lake these are the places that I consider home when I return to Vernon. So understandably it's a fucked up feeling being home and yet not feeling as though that place exists.

Vancouver while a great temporary home is just that I believe. I think that within the next few years I will be home in the Okanagan building a home that actually feels like home and is able to provide what I need from it.