I don't really know what I'm feeling right now. The whole situation is still very tough. Is it possible for one to not have the feelings of gayness that one feels and has felt for a very long time. Can you sucessfully come 'out' of the lifestyle but actually feel as though you belong in the straight world. As I have mentioned here before I absolutely hate the gayness that is a part of me and always have. I'm not comfortable with it and I don't like it. I know that it isn't naturally part of who I am and I resent the fact that it has contributed to making my life such a living hell for as long as it has. If there really is a way out of this don't I owe it to myself to at least look into it? Oddly enough I'm kind of scared about this process. Even though my family is standing behind it and say they will do anything to help, which I believe without a doubt, I just don't know. It's taken me so long to even get to the place where I am now is there anyway for me to turn things around and change what I've done. Pandora's box has been opened and now I've got to see how much of the shit is salvageable.